seven year old lying

[denise jones]

Our almost seven year old son has taken to lying if he thinks he is in trouble.  We have told he repeatedly that if he lies he is going to be in a lot more trouble.  We have punished him by grounding him from playing with his friends, but it seems after a day back playing he is lying again.
We have talked many time about why lying is bad and how it hurts us and him to lie.  But he has gotten to the point even after being confronted with evidence he still will contine to lie.

My question Is this normal for his age? and What kind of punishment should we be doing to help correct this problem?


Please help the lies are driving me crazy.

[DENISE]

I am wondering if he might not have realized he did anything wrong while he was doing it, and is then afraid to admit because he is feeling bad when he realizes his mistake. Some children have trouble remembering the rules of behavior, or they may have trouble with controlling their impulses. Does it seem as if this is true? It sometimes looks like defiance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Jones,

Yes, to some extent it is normal for young children to lie to escape trouble for wrongdoing. You are correct in helping him to learn that you value honesty and that lying will actually compound the difficulty.

You can employ a variety of disciplinary tactics, depending on where your leverage is. A component of the discipline should be time out - e.g., for a 30-minute period. You can also add some restriction, depending on what your son likes. For example, if he enjoys TV, you can suspend TV viewing for a day. If he likes to ride his bicycle, you can suspend that for a day, etc.

Remember, too, to reward him when he is honest by expressing your pleasure.

Finally, maintain your composure. There's no need to be driven to distraction by his behavior. If you let yourself become emotionally upset by it, you'll only be adding to the problem.