treating rituals in 3 yr. old

[nanamb]

My 3 yr. old grandson has some worrisome behaviors:  he insists on parents kissing his hands and face in certain order after every meal, upon their departure and before bedtime;  he has daytime and nightime socks which if he's not wearing the right ones, he cries uncontrollably.  He has a few other ritualistic behaviors that if he can't complete them, he"ll cry and scream for at least an hour. He's very verbal, bright, and has a very accurate memory.  What is the best way for the parents and I (when I babysit)to respond?

[jdtm]

It sounds as if your niece might have anxiety traits which are exacerbated in environments perceived to be "fearful" to her.  This is very common for children suffering from anxiety and/or stress as are the other behaviours you mentioned - eating issues, inflexibility, regression, shyness, tantrums and yes, even the licking.  I bet there are also sleeping issues, as well.  Whether or not your niece suffers from an anxiety disorder (and OCD is one of them) or just exhibits some of the traits would be up to the medical professionals.  Often time and patience are all that are required when such a dramatic change has occurred in a small child's life.  However, to ease your mind, you might want to do a search of "childhood anxiety disorders" on the internet where you should be able to discover some ideas in how to help your niece.

[oboyt]

My sister has a 3 year old daughter, Maeve and a 1 year old son. They both have started at a new daycare this week (they only attend Mondays and Tuesdays), where Maeve is now in pre-school and her son is in daycare, previously they were in a home daycare.  Maeve in the last week has been exhibiting behaviors that are far from her usual self and some are repetitive and ritualistic. Examples:  She does not eat her dinner but will sit and stare at it for an hour at the dinner table, she needs to kiss and hug atleast 10 times at goodbye time, she is constantly asking her mother "how did you wallk across the room"? and then proceeds to walk the same way, she is wetting her pants (has been potty trained for months now), and tantrums are out of control. If I touch her a certain way, she will say, do it again, and she repeats answers, like "no, no", "yes, yes".  All of these behaviors are not normal for her. While she is extremely happy and loves to be the center of attention, it is in the company of people she is comfortable with. Maeve can be shy among new people, but quickly warms up to them.   In addition, she has carried around a pillow (only allowed in the house and car) that she licks when she is tired, not sure if this has anything to do with any of this. Does this sound like it is stress related or do you think there is a deeper concern here, like OCD?

[leggyladyinks]

im having behavior problems with my three year old son  he is saying no constantly and he called me a dumb A** and we do not speak like that he also wont potty train  he gets angry and will bang his head or mouth on the floor or doors or walls  as a abused child i dont spank but what can i do

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

When someone else is occupying the seat,  your grandson should not be permitted to sit there and displace someone else. That is a good example of a situation when his wishes should not receive preference. And yes, if his upset is causing disruption to the household, it is fine to have him go to his room until he can calm down. In that event, it's his unreasonable response, not his preference, that is being disciplined.

[nanamb]

Dr., thank you for your quick response and advice. And thank you, Joe, for your observations.  The particular seat on the couch is a perfect example, because sometimes a sibling or guest might want to sit there.  Should the parent acquiesce to child one's wishes or insist on a different seat which will result in "panic" screaming and crying for such a long time that nothing can get done?  Should child one be placed in his room?  If so, how long?  Will the child ever think the seat is not a big deal?
Thank you.

[JoeSass]

My daughter does the same thing. She will be 4 in Dec. She needs her face kissed in a certain order before bed every night. Once she starts something it can go on forever. Like the Dr. said though some vanish over time yet some are ritual. She has to sit in the same seat, on the same side of the couch ect. Like your son though she is also very bright with a fantastic memory, you wonder if this has something to do with it?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's important for all of you to be on the same wavelength, so to speak. It's OK to defer to some of these preferences, but you needn't feel obligated to adhere to all of them. Make a plan about what would be reasonable, and then stick to it. It's not unusual for children of this age to develop such routines, and they often eventually ignore them. On the other hand, the behavior can also be indicative of the early signs of an anxiety disorder. As long as he is basically thriving and mastering the various challenges appropriate for his age, you needn't be overly concerned.