5 1/2 yr girl friends wont play with her anymore

[seibertdr]

I have a healthy 5 1/2 yr old girl that is very bright and loving. We also have 2 yr old twins. Slowly, her friends and cousins are not playing with her anymore. The reason is that when she does not get her way at play, she starts to cry until they give up. Now they dont play with her at all. She had a meltdown last night and we figured it was a temper tantrum. She gets very upset when one of the twins takes something of hers or something she wants. She will take it back forcefully and angerly. We put her in time outs and take things away but does not seem to work. The other thing is that she still sleeps in our bed, something my wife keeps allowing even though I keep putting my daughter back in her bed. We cant put her to bed normally because she will cry until we allow her into our bed. She is afraid of being alone. Everytime I come home from work, my daughter shows me something new that my wife has bought for her. My wife grew up very wealthy from another country and doesnt think that this is bad. I do. My wife is a stay at home mom. I feel bad for my daughter because she wants friends. I am at a lost as to how to fix this. From reading the other postings, it seems like it is normal behavior but it is frustrating and it seems lonley not to have any friends to play with. She will be starting Kindergarden this fall. Because of her birthday (Jan), she will be older than most of the other kids. Before the last 6 months, she played great with her friends. She was invited to every birthday party under the sun. Everyone wanted to be with her. She is our little social butterfly. Does it have anything to do with the twins in our life and is she reacting to that? We have also done the positive thing and the making her feel special thing. What more can we do for her?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your daughter's behavior is outside the norm - she is displaying little capacity to tolerate the frustration that comes when things do not occur the way she wants. While the presence of her siblings may play a role in her behavior, it sounds like the more important factor is her mother's indulging her. This conveys the sense that she can have what she wants, including sleeping in your bed, and that her upset/crying will result in her getting what she wnats. She needs to experience more firm limits, regardless of her response.

[astros18]

You and your wife must get on the same page as far as raising your children is concerned. Maybe going to school will help your daughter find that the world doesn't actually revolve around her as most children believe it does! School will probably "normalize" things for her and she will find all kinds of new friends to go along with her new environment. I nanny for a child who sounds like your daughter. It is very hard to watch them struggle and not have many friends, but the main thing for all parents is to present a united front to their children. If not, they will try to get away with everything.