sleeping problem in a teenage girl

[hamburg]

We have a 13 year old teen girl, nice, responsible ,  which is afraid of sleeping in her own bed, this has been going on for a year and a half, she says she is afraid but cannot say of what , she doesn´ t know .We have taken her to 2 therapists, the first one told us we have to be firm and tell our bedroom is off limits , she freaked out and we all compromised and let her do it in smaller steps, (gradually back to her room) but she said she will not go back to the therapist, it helped but not completely she would end after some time coming back to our room . She recently had a class trip coming and she developed more fear , and had some panic attacks? we her told we had to go again to the therapist since we cant seem to help her and she accepted(new therapist) , unfortunately the minute she is confronted "with talking about the fear" and trying to solve it with small steps like cognitive behavioral therapy she freaks out and refuses to go (it is hard to bring a 13 year old against her will to a therapist) Her father and I have decided that we are going to do it the hard way: firm, with love but back to her room (knowing that there will be a couple of rough nights) but for the sake of the rest of the family we have to do it. Are we doing the right thing? Is t separation anxiety ?



This discussion is related to daughter sleeping with mom.

[Ezkg]

I think I'd be pushing the therapy before trying to change the behaviour. I'd want to understand whats causing the anxiety or fear. Like did something happen to her? I could be wrong but I think kids often act out for a reason...
Good luck!

[margypops]

I think you have it right both you and your husband think you have to get tough and I think you are right, she has been used to being pandered to , it also gets plenty of attention, so tell her she has to stay in her room and be consistant, do not give way or you are sending mixed messages that you will give in if she gets very upset. Once she gets it into her head that its not working any drama's she throws she will give in .Follow it with some treats and trips so she isnt feeling its punishment .good luck parents Gut is always right .

[jdtm]

Hamburg - medication is always the last resort.  But, sometimes when all the other options have been exhausted then ....  

[hamburg]

Thanks for your response, but we don't want to give our daughter medication , we would like to try it first without it and see what happens , this would be our last resource.

[jdtm]

Separation anxiety - maybe, perhaps GAD or social.  But, it does not really matter the "type" of anxiety your daughter suffers as the treatment is similar.

I belong to a support group for teachers and parents of children suffering from anxiety.  From what you have written, the therapist appears to be doing the correct thing.  As far as I know, CBT is the best therapy available for anxiety.  However, those in our group found that a multi-modal approach was best in treating anxiety - therapy, intervention and possibly medication.  The SSRI medication is used not to "cure" anxiety (because this cannot be done), but to take the "edge" off the fears/anxieties in order to "allow" the therapy and/or intervention practices to work.  From what you have written, you might wish to consider using medication until your daughter has learned how to manage her fears/anxieties. SSRI medication is not addivctive.  Some children in our group take meds for only a short while; others for a life-time.  But, without meds, some of our children would have "no life" and that is not a choice we wish to make.

By the way, whenever a child in our group balks against therapy or intervention or even medication, we always say "take her screaming to ...."  As you know, taking the "soft" approach does not work.  Tough love is harder on the parents, isn't it?  It sounds (from what you have written) that you appear to be on the correct path.  But the path is long and difficult.  All the best ....