to long life story to get into, but basically, i've been depressed since 1993, i'm 40 years old, and all my life I've been scared of God. I'ts easy to believe i'm dying and going to hell, but not dying and going to heaven. I run from God, because I feel i'm all the negative stuff that's in the Bible, like " even the devils believe and tremble" heck yeah tremble, who wants to go to hell. I know God by reading the Bible in the past, but don't know His Love, and now I've gone so long on this depression, I find it all boring, and it wears out my brain with worry, I don't have honest desire, only fear desire, I don't necessarily hate people, but I know I don't have feelings of love for anyone, I know I am selfish. I don't know why I am that way, but I am. I feel the only way out of my depression will heal is if I give it all to God and for some reason I can't or I feel it's to late, like i've done the undeniable sin and there is no hope, or deep down truth is I don't want to give it up for Him. You know people if someone or something tragic goes wrong in their lives, they usually get down on their knees and pray to God for help, they have the Ultimate One to turn to, but what if your problem, (even if it is my own fault) is with God, then who do you turn to? NO ONE abosolutely NO ONE. Go through live feeling that way! IT'S HORRIBLE, it's eternal torture. Does anyone ever go through the same thing? Please no go get saved speeches!