Advice dearly needed?

[Rach2you]

Hi everyone, I've been thinking for a while if I should post anything on here or not because I guess I'm afraid to admit I know I have a problem. I'm a fifteen year old girl who has a good amount of friends in school, does sports, and tries to keep my academics up. I don't have any problems that would make me feel this way- my parents are just like any other, though my mom and I occasionally get into some pretty heated fights. The thing is, I believe I'm depressed but I don't want to admit it or get help because I'm afraid of what everyone will think. For a little over a year now I have been feeling utterly sad and worthless, especially at night. I sometimes cry myself to sleep for no reason, my appetite has somewhat lessened, and I have a hard time falling asleep but when I finally do I have a hard time waking up. I've found myself having unneeded anger towards little things, and random outbursts that have caused my moms relationship with me to take a step back a little to say in words. I have had thoughts of suicide, about committing it but NEVER attempting it because I'm to scared to actually do it and I know I still would never be able to no matter how bad it gets. Just like I always have thoughts now about hurting myself: like breaking a bone, getting into a car crash, or anything that could put me in the hospital. I know it's wrong, to have thoughts like that. It's selfish and uncalled for- but then why do I have them? I have actually hurt myself before causing multiple doctors visits, but never told anyone it was on purpose. "It was an accident or I don't know how it happened" I would always say. Just to get attention. That's always what I want and when I think about it always I feel so selfish and stupid that I think even lower of myself. I just really don't know what to do anymore, I'm tired of feeling nothing and just hopeless like I'll never amount to anything in this world. So please, I need advice on what I should do because I just do not know anymore. But knowing me I won't follow it- this depression or whatever I have will always keep getting worse. I'm afraid of that the most, that this thing in the end will be the death of me. What should I do?

[mammo]

Hi...you do sound depressed and often we never know what has caused us to be depressed.  You truly need to speak with your parents about this...we hear from a lot of young people going through the same thing as you, so know you're not alone.  Your parents love you very much and want and need to know what you are dealing with everyday.  With depression we can often have pent up anger and we take it out on those closest to us.....your mom.  It's normal for mothers and daughters to disagree but when push comes to shove your mom is your best friend and will do anything for you.  Reaching out to us was a big step and recognizing that something is wrong is very mature on your part.  Nobody needs to know except your parents about this, but I think you'd be amazed at how many young people in your own school are dealing with this.  Sometimes therapy alone can help us discover what is bothering us..we can address it and ease our depression so we can live a happier life.  Nip this in the bud now so that it's easier to get over.  You have no control over being depressed and that's why we have the experts to help us. But you need to be completely honest with your parents and doctors, this will allow them to treat you so you can move beyond depression.  Take the next big step and sit down with your mom and tell her everything, she loves you and wants to know.  Hope this helps and big hugs.

[rose98035]

Take time for your self and theres always distress lines you can call and talk to or go to your family doctor and tell him u need to talk to someone like a shrink and don't give up I no how u feel ... My thoughts and prayers are with u

[remar]

You really need to talk to your parents or another adult you trust about how you're feeling. I'm not a Dr but I do have depression and that's what it sounds like to me.
There is so much help and hope so never think you will always be this way. I think therapy could help you but since you're in your teens you need to talk to your parents about this so they can set up the appointment.