Help me ... please ... I'm desperate.

[me ...]

hi ... I'm 14 years old, for about a year now, I haven't been able to look in a mirror without crying ... I'm revolting ... I've faked sick, to come home from school, just because I couldn't stand what I looked like ... It's everything ... everything is wrong with me ...
1, I have caveman eyes
2, terrible complection
3, I'm chubby
4, I need a nose job
5, my face structure is ugly
6, my hair is terrible, never does anything right

I'm gross ... I've tried cutting, bingeing & throwing up, not eating ... I've thought of the effects it would have on other ppl of me actually doing it ... commiting suicide ... it's either suicide or living like this for the rest of my life ... or getting help ...
last night I called kids help phone, they told me I need to seek professianol help ... they gave me some mental health clinics, & programs ...
I went to my school guidence counciler this morning ...tomorow, we are going to tell my parents what is going on ... they have no idea ... I'm so terrified of what they will do ...

anyway ... I was just wondering ... what is wrong with me the guidence counciler says she doesn't like diagnosing ppl ... so I don't know what is wrong with me ...
please, tell me what is wrong ?
what do I have ?
...
I'm desperate ... & scared & sickened with myself ...

[Happy2girls]

Your post just about broke my heart.  I have a 14 year old daughter who has the same issues as you do.  She is in therapy and her counselor tells me that these feelings are so typical among teenagers that it is unbelievable.  And they all feel they are alone in this.  I remember feeling the way you do too.  You are such a sensitive souls to be so concerned about your parents' feeling when you are in pain.  Trust me, they would want to know so that they an help you.  From your post I can tell you are a special girl, it is heartbreaking that people tie so much into their physical appearance that the many talents we all possess are minimised or discarded.  And the truth is most do not see you as you see yourself, we tend to be so super hyper-critical of ourselves.  

Brittany, I hope you see this because you can help us.  I see there are other parents here of teenagers and grandparents as well.  Please help us to understand what you kids are going through today.  How can we help you?  What are the signs to look for?    

Brittany, remember that you are loved, most definitly by those with whom you share your life and also by the folks on this forum who feel a special connection to you.  

God bless.

[April2]

My goodness! This is much more prevalant than I realized! I felt so alone all last year when I found out my then 14 year old daughter was depressed and cutting. It's been a very dark, painful time for us. If you ever want to talk to someone else who's going through this, please feel free to send me a private message. It helps to know there are others out there.
How did you and your family manage? We have our daughter in counseling. She's much better but still not out of the woods yet. This seems to be the thing with this generation. I had never even heard of it before my daughter. I hope that your daughter is doing better to.
God bless.

[deb536]

As a mom facing the same problems with my own 14yo daughter, I will advise the same as all the rest.  Talk to your parents!!!!  My own daughter did not.  I found this stuff out when I discovered her cutting.  Please believe me when I tell you that your parents would rather know how you feel and help through them than to be floored with it later.  Things can get better for you, and you will have a closer relationship with your family for it.  Believe in them!

[gtyree]

Hi Brittany,
I am an adult who suffers from depression so I can empathize with your situation to some degree. I also have a daughter who suffers from depression as well. I can tell you that there would be no greater tragedy to me if she were to take her own life. She is my life and the most important thing in it. I am sure your parents feel this way about you. Suicidal thoughts, are not normal, and I think there are times when we all wonder if we would be happier and perhaps the world would be better off without us. But that is NEVER  the case and in fact, would be a very selfish act  because, although we would not have to deal with our pain,  we would be causing heartache and pain to our family and friends which would last throughout their lives. Keep in mind that your empty and alone feelings will not last forever, that you will have happier times. Be tough and be strong. I am shocked that an M.D. on this board has not responded yet and advised you strongly to seek medical help. That said, I would like to share this with you...

When I was your age, I too had alot of self image problems. As an adult I do at times too. At 14, my nose was my biggest problem. I got my Grandpa Wagner's large Nase.  I actually sat in the classroom at times and, sure that others were staring at it and comparing it to a Boeing 747, held my hand over the side of my face trying to cover it. My sister teased me, my boyfriends teased me. I laid awake at night crying myself to sleep. It was horrible. I straightened my hair, trying to get the silky tresses of the cheerleaders and copied makeup styles of the models on the Teen magazines I used to read. My chest was flat and I got called "Minnesota Flats" by the class bully. I became the class clown, and was actually pretty funny at times. I even (wrongly) poked fun at myself, trying to alleviate the pain and beating others at their own game. How could they hurt me, if I made fun of myself before they did?  I smiled at everyone I could and treated others as nicely as I could. I started making friends, not because of my makeup/hair but because I tried to be the type of person others would want to be around.  
I think especially when we are younger we tend to internalize things and make them worse in our minds than they actually are. Our perceptions are not, however, reality with how others perceive us. In this country in particular, newsstands and t.v. screens are filled with images of beautiful young woman having better "everything" in life because they use a particular hair product or makeup. They look better because they joined the latest weight loss program and wear designer clothing.  We are fed steady doses of this media B.S. menu for years until it becomes embedded in our minds that if we don't look like a movie star or model in Glamour, than we are unworthy. The reality is that every single one of us is beautiful, no matter what we look like or what we wear. Although it might be hard at times, try to focus on what is inside of you, such as how you treat others. Be a good friend (which means not betraying confidences so you can develop trust in your relationships). Be the best person you be and help others in need. Develop hobbies and interests which will in turn, make you more rounded and interesting not only to others, but most of all to yourself. Once you stop focusing on your outer self and concentrate more on your inner self, than you will be a ot happier and more accepting of who you are. The end result will that you be both beautiful inside and out. (And guess what....the class bully who made fun of me, as I mentioned above....he asked me out a couple of years later :)
Peace and All the Best to You,
Grace

[3dogs]

Hi! I know exactly where you are coming from.  High School was less than a joyous occasion for me.  I had vey little friends and I had a pore self image.  My best advice to you would be after you graduate, High School Means Nothing!!!  I havn't seen at  least 95% of those people and I don't want to.  
I know high school is hard with all the cliqs (spelled wrong),  but in the real world they mean nothing.  
It appears to me that what you are going through is normal.  I have gone through it. I don't think there is anything wrong with you.  I pretty much hated everyone in School.  Let me tell though, after you graduatation, everthing changes.  (High School does not matter anymore). You meet more open minded people and make friends very easily  be it whether you go to College or get a job. just please don't go  the suicide way. I can tell you from experiance, its not worth because you never know whats behind the next corner.  It might be pain and sorrow;but it also may beautiful and uplifting.  So embrace the good timeswhen you can, and when the bad times come be strong and tell yourself that you are strong enough to get through this, because I know you are.

[Lilrig]

I know exactly what you mean Me. Im almost 17 and I to struggle with looks but the thing you gota realise is who gives a **** about your looks? Enjoy your youth, don't waste it on being miserable due to what some pricks think, live your own life.

[Singinoutloud]

Hey. I'm Chrissy, I'm just a few years older than you, and when i was 14 i felt the exact same way.. the same things happened to me too. I cut, threw up... everything.

I just recently got some help &trust me it makes A BIG difference. but actually for the past few nights i haven't been feeling so good. I think my meds might not be working as well. But they do work, but i just think i have to up mine.

&i know you might feel like "oh I'm a crazy person if i have to go to a psychiatrist &go on meds" but really it makes all the difference. like i don't think about suicide at all anymore. but i do get depressed occasionally.

It's hard especially being in high school cause you wonder why you cant just look, and feel like everyone else, and be normal. i still haven't figured out how to handle that one, but if you do.. please tell me =]

[Venora Moonwind]

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers   for when you are with the counselor and your parents.   you can do it. hugs to you.
Love Venora

[April2]

Sweetie, your parents love you and wouldn't want to see you so unhappy. Trust me, I'm a parent andyes we hurt when our kids hurt, but I'd much rather know than not know and let my daughter continue to feel so bad. Does that make sense?
You asked what's wrong with you. I think for starters you have a terrible self-image of yourself. I don't know why this is. A lot of kids your age are very insecure. Are there kids picking on you at school? Sometimes kids will do that because their own self-image is so bad that they have to put down others to make themselves feel better. Trust me, I've been there! My own daughter is coming out of a very difficult year. She started cutting herself last year at your age, age 14. She had a terrible self-image. I couldn't understand why. She's a beautiful girl, but she wouldn't believe us. I found out that she was having a lot of difficulty at school. Kids had been picking on her for years. She was told she was fat,ugly, stupid, that she'd never get a guy. I was shocked. I couldn't believe the meaness of these kids. She took this all to heart and believed everything they were saying. She just wouldn't believe her own family. I know how strong peer presure is. I don't know if this is what's going on with you or not.
I did a lot of studying up on cutting to try and help my own daughter. Something I found out was people that are cutters are usually very deep feeling, caring people. They are usually very creative and inteligent. They tend to be perfectionists and are very hard on themselves. It sound to me like you are being very had on yourself. Are you trying to compare yourself to models or popstars? Did you know that they airbrush a lot of the pictures and they don't really look that good? And that they starve themselves to stay unnaturally thin? If you did a poll, you'd discover most guys like girls with some curves. They really don't like the stick thin look.
You are at a very difficult age right now. I imagine you're just starting high school (scary stuff!). Your body's going through a lot of changes as you grow. And trust me, the complection thing just goes with the territory. It will settle down as you get older, I promise!
I think it's possible that you suffer from depression. Whether that's from circumstances only or if it's a chemical imbalance only a psychiatrist would be able to evaluate.
Some things to help in the meantime:
1. Try and get a little exercise when you can. Ride your bike, take a walk, anything. Exercise is one of the best things you can do to make yourself feel better. It releases those feel good endorphins.
2. Get involved in some club or activity that would make you feel better about yourself. Find something you're interested. Do you like sports? Do you go to church? Most churches have wonderful youth groups that do a lot of fun things with the kids and go on trips, etc. It's important that you find some positive influences to surround yourself with.
3. Try volunteering. My daughter's youth group asked them to volunteer at a soup kitchen. When you do something to help someone else, it makes you feel better! It really does!
4. Ask your mom if you can get your hair done, try a different hairstyle, get your nails done. It's ok to do something nice or special for yourself once in awhile.

Honey, you are very special and loved. God made you in His own image and He doesn't want you to be so unhappy and hard on yourself. You are unique and no one is like you! You have gifts and talants that only you can offer to this world. Life really is worth living! We only have one chance at this life. It's precious. Look around you at the beauty of this world. This world needs you. You are here for a reason. You have a purpose in this life.
I know you're scared but you're doing the right thing. You're reaching out and asking for help. And you know what, God always uses our hurts and pain to help others. So maybe someday when you are better, you can turn around and help another teen who is hurting because you've been there. Only those of us who have gone through that valley can truly understand and help others who are going through the same thing.
You are special and beautiful! Don't ever tell yourself any different. The terrible things you are saying to yourself....would you say the same things to anyone else? Of course not! Then treat yourself to the same kindness you would give someone else. I believe in you. I know you're going to make it. Talk to your mom and dad and find a counselor you can talk to. It will get better, I promise. You've made that first step. It will get easier from here out. You've brought it out in the open now. Now you can start that road to healing. I believe in you! You can do it!
Keep in touch with us, ok? I really do care and would like to know how you're doing. Promise? I'll look forward to hearing back from you! I'm praying for you. Blessings.

[Jade59]

Hi honey, like Venora said, your parents love you, you are their CHILD and they want you to be happy and healthy.  What might hurt them more is not knowing their baby feels this way and they weren't able to help.  If you keep hurting yourself or commit suicide do you know that they will never ever forgive THEMSELVES for not helping you?  That would just kill them and they will blame themselves.  You are very caring to be worried about how your feelings will affect your parents, but truly, A LOT of kids and adults too, feel just like you.  You are not alone.  So you're going to tell your parents tomorrow with your counselor?  That is very very BRAVE of you.  And be proud of yourself for opening up to someone and calling that hotline.  That was a really mature thing to do.  Good luck tomorrow and post again and tell us how it went.

And please try not to worry about their reaction and repeat everything you said here, okay?  Once you tell and get the ball rolling, I think you're going to feel better just having done that.  And please post ANYTIME you want.  

[me ...]

thank you so much.
I guess I'm just scared.
I don't want everyone elses life messed up because of theese stupid feelings ...

Love Brittany ...

[Venora Moonwind]

As a parent it will hurt them more if you dont tell them what you are going through.I have 2 daughters myself and my oldest went through a very rough time as a teen.When I finally found out how she was feeling it had gotten to the point she wanted to commit suicide and it hurt so bad that I  didnt know anything before it had gotten that bad.  we love her and we got her the help she needed and now she is doing well and she is my best friend.
Please talk to your parents so you can get the help you need. you are loved and they want the best  for you. Let me know how you are.I will listen if you want to talk some more.
Love Venora
You are loved and worthy to be loved.
VM

[me ...]

thnx ...
but, I can tell my parents ... it mus be hurtful on a parent to find out there daughter is feeling this way ... I can't hurt them like that ..

[Venora Moonwind]

First you need to get your parents invovled so they can help you  they love you and want the best for you I am sure.You will need to get evaluated by a doctor/psychiatrist and then go from there.Only they will be able to diagnose you.
keep coming here to talk it out.I will listen.My prayers are with you.
Love Venora