Anybody?

[Babygurly22]

Hi, im honestly writing this post because i truely need someone to talk to right now. Lately i have been severely depressed. I cry and get upset over anything and everything. Im writing this now because i am crying and this is the only way i can get my emotions out (its 1:30 in the morning). Im engaged n my fiance is aware that i have been having a hard time. Hes been there for me and he is a big help. What really got me upset right now is my mom slipped a note under my door saying that i spend too much time with my fiance, that im never home n she barely sees me. She doesnt know how i feel and whats going on....main reason being....my brother....and my family is very harsh at times. I am unhappy being at home...its either my mom and brother arguing 24/7 or her complaining about her live in boyfriend who she doesnt get along with but he pays the bills right now. I havent told anyone except my fiance cuz they will all tell me that i am overreacting n that i am just looking for attention. My brother is basically the perfect child who can do no wrong. It seems like no matter what i do i cant keep anyone happy or im just not good enough and i am a failure or an embarrasment to my fam. I cant tell her cuz of this but that upsets me even more cuz i want to tell her the reason im never home is because i am unhappy here and constatntly upset and that i dont want to be here....dont get me wrong i love my mom but im just not happy at home lately. I can see a therapist either cuz mom will get the bill from the insurance company. Idk wat to do i just know im on the verge of going crazy and im going to loose it. If anybody is just willing to talk or give any advice i would really appreciate it. Thank you so much!

[remar]

Check on other colleges in your area. You may not have to be a student to see a counselor there.
If you have access to insurance maybe you should use it to see a counselor. How could your mom deny you going? You need help and you deserve to get that help.

[Babygurly22]

I am but i dont return until september and its a technical school and i know they dont have any.

[remar]

Do you go to college? The reason I'm asking is because some colleges have programs for counseling. Even if you're not a student check out any colleges close to you and ask if they have this kind of program. They work on a sliding scale and the cost is next to nothing. It may be nothing if you have no income. This way your mom would not know about any insurance claims.

[Babygurly22]

@finsright
Thank you for writing to my post. I really appreciate it and it helps alot to know that someone else besides myself knows what i am going through and how hard it is.

[finsright]

I grew in a home exactly like yours. There are some people who are not easy to be around my mother is one of those people. You are letting these people rob you  of the joy and happiness in your life.I First and foremost you have a fiance who loves you and understands you. Hold on to that and that you will leave this household. And when you do you can learn to see yourself as he does not as your family does. You are not a failure, you just come from a troubled family. But its temperary you have a life to do with as you please. You have a man who loves you so hold on to that and stay as far away from your disfuntional family. They are the ones who are judgemental and dysfunctional, remember you have a life without themTry to shut out that world  and take in the joy of a new life thats waiting. Write whenever I can help.I do care. Finsright

[Babygurly22]

My fiance is the only one who knows. My family is very judgmental and thats part of the reason i havent said anything...if you arent perfect (like my brother) they dont want to have anything to do with you and youre a disgrace to the family. I will say even though i havent really "talked" with you, its helped a little to know that someone is listening and that someone understands how hard it is to be depressed. I really appreciate it,

[4Maddie44]

Hi, I am so sorry your mother is only listening to your brother.  So very hard for you.  As a mother, and grandmother, I am always there for my children and my dear daughter has seen me through numerous breakdowns, and depression.  I suppose all mothers are not like me.  I live in UK, so don't have to have medical insurance.  Oh my dear girl, so difficult for you if you don't want your mum to know how very sad you are.

What can I, or anyone else here do to help you?  You need professional help and can't get it.  How will you manage?  Is there only your fiance who understands?

[Babygurly22]

And thabk you so much for your comment, i really appreciate it and im happy that someone else understands how i feel.

[Babygurly22]

The things is that i cant go to the doc cuz the insurance bill will come here and she will know and no i cant talk to her. Like i said, its all about my brother, unless it has something to do with him she doesnt care. I was in yhe hospital back in october for burst cyst on my ovary. I couldnt move n was screaming in pain so mu fiance brought me up. When we called her she told him that she disnt think it was necessary and that i need to not be such a baby about things. She didnt show up until almost 3 hours later. Shes not going to care, unless its about my brother she will tell me im overrreacting and that i need to grow up.

[4Maddie44]

Hello, I am so sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment.  I am so glad your fiance understands and is a shoulder to lean on.

Have you been to see a doctor about your depression?  That is the first thing you musty do.

Everyone on this forum has depression, so we all know how you feel, and understand what you are going through right now.  I do hope you take comfort from that.  You can tell us anything, and we do not judge.

It is very difficult for someone who has not had depression to understand.  Like your mum, they think we can pull ourselves together.  Can't you talk to your mum about how you are feeling?

We have a very low self esteem when we are depressed, and think nobody will like us or listen to us.  I think your mum could help if only you could sit down with her and discuss things.

Firstly, I do want you to see a doctor.  Anti depressant pills could help you a lot.

Please let us know how you are now.  Keep in touch, we all care.