Hi. I've had anxiety and depression since I know myself but lately it's all gotten worse. I've had a troubled life so far, hated by my entire family, and now I'm finally discovering, after all these year, that I can get help for my condition and I'm not fully crazy, there are people like me out there. My partner is trying to help me now as much as he can but I'm horrible. I'm snappy, angry, I don't eat (i force myself for at least a meal a day but can only take several mouth fulls till I start feeling sick and nausea) I don't sleep ( 20 hours per week on average) I'm house bound for 7 months now, all attempts to go out ended up in panic and frenzy. I can't have people over at all, I freak out and start crying and shaking. I managed some time ago to accept a visit from my GP (even though i was in constant panic as he was here) and he tried to help me, got me some Valium (that;s not helping at all) and made me some appointments for the mental health clinic, including for a home visit from them that I couldn't go through. I just couldn't open the door. My partner is the only person I see and want to see. I don;t even enjoy time with my dogs anymore and became too passive to life. Before, I tried handling this by abusing alcohol, but since I met my partner I quit and I don't know how to stand myself. I hate everything about me. I can;t close my eyes without my brain going insane and I always end up crying. I've thought about suicide all my life and three weeks ago I tried to poison myself but ended up in the hospital. I lied to them, told them I accidentally mixed up some supplement with the poison and didn't want to end up there. That part was true, I wanted to die. I still do. I see how I'm just making everything so hard for a man that loves me, and it's killing me even more. I became a terrible burden now and I'm scared of hurting him even more. I'm attempting to jump and take a first step by writing here, trying to put this out there, hoping one day I can at least take a home consultation or go and seek further help. I just don't know how to move forwards and overcome at least the fear of contact with people. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.