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Depersonalization/Anxiety/Depression

Hello everyone. I have posted a few times in reply to others' posts but this is my first new question I am posting to the depression community. So, I am 19 years old and a college sophomore and have been dealing with what started as severe anxiety at first to now a constant feeling of depersonalization and derealization and has caused me to suffer from depression. Some backstory, like I said it started as severe anxiety, obsessing over my health and having symptoms of a hypochondriac, which led to obsessive thoughts about creation, the universe, my existence which all began to scare me. I believe this was all triggered by my constant use of marijuana although I know it was not the cause, for I have always been a deep and curious thinker, but I have never been afraid of my thoughts in this way before. Anyway all of that led to a severe panic attack and then about two weeks worth of me being in a very dark place where I could not convince myself I was "real" and I was overwhelmed by the very thought of my existence or being inside of my head, convinced the idea of solipsism was true and I was indeed the only person who was conscious. I was getting a lot of help from family and friends and was able to bring myself out of that dark spot a bit, things started to get better I am now taking an ssri, lexapro and it seems to be helping a little bit. I am also doing everything I should be, not drinking or smoking, no caffeine, regular exercise, breathing techniques and visualization. But, I still cannot sleep because that is when everything hits and I am left on my own inside my head and I can't talk it out or distract myself anymore, recently I have been dealing with overwhelming feelings where I can't seem to feel comfortable with myself and I obsess over thinking these thoughts are not mine and I am not in my body and "who am I?" being the biggest one. I hate trying to constantly figure it out I just want to be free and live, I try not to feel miserable or sorry for myself but I am reaching out to anyone who has any more suggestions, I could really use some help and some hope...
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Avatar universal
I think u have to practice normal Mediation for about min 10minutes to start with . Or you can undergo Hypnosis/Regression  and find out the cause for the problem .
Thanks
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Hey, my story sounds remarkably like yours. I am also 19, a college sophomore, who constantly obsesses about their health, which turns often into more profound fear about the universe, my "realness", and the reality of the world around me, and then eventual depression. I also went on Lexapro, and found it really helpful for the first 6 months about, but find my health anxieties returning. I am wondering if a higher dose will help, maybe cutting out caffeine will help, and maybe cutting out alcohol will help, but I really do feel I better when I drink.
I was talking to a friend that was saying that lowkey depression and anxiety were really universal human experiences, although theyre always characterized as minority experiences. I dont know why, but this made me feel a lot better, and I hope it might make you feel better too. I also find that, even though maybe it's a placebo effect, drinking a lot of water and staying really hydrated on Lexapro can make a big difference. One pretty common side effect is dehydration, and especially if you're like me and exercise a lot or live in a warm climate, drinking water is just super important.

Anyway, hope youre doing better, and let me know how your experience on lexapro is!
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