Depression keeps holding me back.

[KandeeStick]

There's no doubt that I have depression. It's so terrible and it has even made me gain anxiety. Whenever I argue, I start to shake uncontrollably and I get panic attacks. That's just not the worst of it yet. Depression - it could never go away for me. I don't take medication, I don't have an addiction to anything, nothing. I just sit here in my room all day and be on the computer or play video games. I barely talk to people unless it's my boyfriend. I always get instant messages from friends but I'm never in a good mood so I.... don't respond. I feel bad because I know people want to see how I'm doing. I just can't stop it. The depression is making me not do anything I want to. When I want to write, draw, or take a walk. I always just think about it then never do it. I don't want to do the things I have wanted to do. Nothing helps. As weak as it may seems, I'm seriously honest when I say I know the depression isn't going to get better. If there are problems around, then I'll never snap out of it. It's never a good thing to have depression. It makes me feel like a jerk to some of the people I really care about. When I needed the help though, I never got it. Once people knew there was something wrong with me, that's when they decided they wanted to help but them talking got no where. All of the support I wanted never got me. And now, I have nothing really. Well I actually do have a lot compared to other people like those who have no homes, lost a loved one, etc. It's just... I recently moved to my grandma's and so I'm an hour away from my real life friends. Ever since I hit depression, things never felt the same with them before I moved. I don't want to take everything for granted because I know it can always be worse... I just can't snap out of how it haunts and hurts me. It's even depressing to be outside. Every single detail of my happy life is embedded in my brain which makes me even more sad. People are always telling me sorry that this is happening and what not and trying to throw advice my way. It's nice and I enjoy it but it never makes the pain vanish as much as I really want it to. Sometimes it gets annoying though when people constantly say that I could always have it worse. I KNOW it could be worse. It doesn't make things better by hearing that. Instead, it makes me feel like they will get worse. I felt like posting this just because I needed to get this out of my system. I really don't want attention from people but if you'd like, go ahead and respond. Sad enough though, at times I wish that all I could do is sleep so the days would just pass by. I can never go to sleep only because I get too worried about things.

[KandeeStick]

Thanks Benjamin for those tips. The only problem is that when I talk to people on the phone, they just say sorry. It's really annoying because it doesn't help. All of my friends and family know I have depression. Sometimes, they even talk about their own problems. Then, I wish that I knew people around here. Since I just moved to my grandma's, I know nobody since I'm a drop out. When I did go to school where I live for 2 days, my friends were thieves so I didn't want to be around that anyways. I live 12 miles out of town, too. Also, I'm not sure why music never helps. I just can't listen to happy music when I'm not in a good mood. It makes me even more mad and upset. So I listen to rock music that has lyrics that I really feel and it makes me cry. I like your idea about the taking walks thing. I really want to so I could lose weight and feel better about myself anyways. But the weather hasn't been good either and I just never get up and do it. I also like your idea about the vitamins. And every time I think positive, something goes wrong. It's like I can never be happy. I feel like I'm a jynx :( Basically, the depression has messed me up so much that I can't do anything that I want. You guys already know that. It just ***** a lot...

[KandeeStick]

I'm really not sure. It's so hard to explain. My parents divorced when I was 15 and I am 18 right now. In the same year, I lost two of my best friends because I found out who they really were. My closest friend ditched me for drugs and her boyfriend. Then the other one just turned into a drama queen and told people what I did with this one guy. That one guy, I really cared about him but he used me. I think it was my fault on that for happening because I knew he was some kind of player.  I just couldn't help the way that I felt. All in all, after that I just couldn't give a crap about humanity because every person I looked at turned out to be the same way in my eyes. A hypocrite, a liar, etc. It really affected me. Shortly after I became depressed, I tried to talk to my family about it like my dad and brother since I was living with my dad. They didn't think I had depression. My dad sat there and yelled at me saying that I was dumb and retarded. Then more problems of course. I won't finish. It's too much. Anyways, I don't see why I don't want to talk to people unless it's my boyfriend. I even dropped out because the depression was keeping me from concentrating. Even when I get in this good mood of wanting to do something, it always fades. I am really not sure why :'(

[Benjamin2010]

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with "mild depression;" I was irritable, tired all the time, had trouble sleeping, worried too much and was anxious. My doctor suggested Prozac to me, but I declined their offer. Here are some of my suggestions to you from my experience in the last five months: (Remember, this is all from my real life experiences!)

1. Talk to people you know are care about. Call them (no email, IM, or text messages) and let them know you've been having depression issues. Let them know how you truly feel.

2. Do things with other people. To get out of the cage of depression, you must be around people who make you laugh and inspire you to do more with your life. You may find even listening to the radio may boost your mood (i.e. music, talk radio, etc.)

3. Take walks few times a week. When it is really sunny outside, take a 30 minute to 1 hour walk. When you walk, think about your future and imagine you succeeding with your dreams.

4. Consider taking a high quality multivitamin, multimineral, aged garlic, omega 3-6-9 flax oil and eat healthy foods. An online supplement store with very low prices is www.***************.com, I've ordered from them before and they do pretty good. Consider using a supplement (amino acid) called 5-HTP, it boosts your mood and seratonin levels, thus boosting melatonin levels for sleep.

5. Think Positive. If you find yourself thinking negatively about anything, try to change what you're thinking about into something enjoyable, such as: your favorite hobby, your interests, humorous events in your life, etc. Read something funny, or listen to soothing music.


You can email me if you'd like, kay2486. My address is ***@****, my name is Ben. I hope this helps - and get better soon!

[kay2486]

what is making you feel like this? have you thought about therapy combined with meds, these will help but it will take time, you do want to get better dont you? you've got to think of positive things to get rid of the bad thoughts, sometimes we've got to change our lives by getting rid of the things that make us unhappy