Depression problem

[monirsams]

I think I have a problem my name is m I am an Egyptian 23 male I think I am depressed I wasn't always like that I graduated from information technology collage from tow years as a information I had the most wonderful dreams about my future I thought I am good I did will on my study and I spent a lot of effort in my graduation project and it was perfect in fact life was perfect at that time
then I graduated start looking for a job and for six months after my graduation all my class was working or in post graduate studies but me even the worst people in my class found work and I cant and I began to feel bad about my self I started to feel frustration with every chance I lost I went through a lot of interviews and non wants me I began to lose my self confidence I don’t know if I had any self confidence before
I knew that I am bad or not smart enough to be working then my father got me a work in one of his friends company as tech support in an IT department I was very happy because I love computers and I love working with data I like the analysis of data and they pay me a great money but after tow weeks I discovered that I wont be working as I want and that my job have no future I don’t do what I love I just help the computer users in the company in there problems I felt that I am a servant for them where is the things I should learn where is the future in that job
I hated the job and hated my self with it especially when I saw all my friends found a good jobs and the start taking courses and traveling outside I am not envy on them I like them very much but I doesn’t seem fair to me I fell like I should have a better job then I had this last hope    
I had a dream to join some kind of information technology school after graduation but they did not accept me I couldn’t pass what they called a personality test after that I got more depressed I started crying when I am alone and the crying increases every day I had a girlfriend for about 6 years I couldn’t be with her I dumped her because I felt I am not capable of love any more I didn’t know who I am any more in college I didn’t stop laughing I was happy now I just smile in the face of people I hate at work I thought about leaving the work but in Egypt and in these time work is very rare so I started looking for another solution I went for drugs I started smoking hash and it really helped when I am high I am smiling and the life is good but after its effect is gone I more than depressed I am really down I don’t know what to do any more I feel that my life is meaningless and I have no dreams I have no target in my life and every time I found some thing I want to do I lost it some how  I feel loser and bad and totally alone all my friends think that my life is perfect but the problem that I don’t feel the perfection they saw  I just feel lost and always a great sadness fills me and the only thing keeping me from committing suicide is that I am a bloody coward afraid from death
I need help I am really down

[soslady]

I feel sorry for your story.  Don't blame yourself.  Please, don't give up your dreams.    

You worked too hard to do that and you graduated.  I am sure you've very good at what you do.

Have you tried getting help with the school with your resume?  Maybe you can also try to talk to your professors and ask them for reference?  Or how about some of the classmates you worked with can give you some reference?  I mean they write a letter of reference to say you worked in this such and such a project and that you're hardworking and that are good to work with.

Maybe you can get your friends and/or career counsellors to look at your resume and cover letter and make sure you don't have any spelling/grammer mistakes.

Have you tried going to job agencies?  I don't know if that is an option for you.

Do you think maybe you didn't handle the interview properly?  Maybe you can practice job interviews and go over what you said and ask your friends for advice or talk to a professional counsellor.

Do you think maybe your friends can refer you to a job?  I know that is difficult to ask but if they know you're a good worker and reliable, they may be able to help you started with something.

It's hard to do things with low confidence.  Try not to be so hard on yourself.  Try not to get upset at people who care about you.  They just don't know what to do to make you feel better.  I am sorry you dumped your girlfriend.

I think you should start to love yourself.  Take better care of yourself.  Then you can be nicer towards yourself and the people around you.  Don't get upset at people.

The first job is always hard to get.  So what if your friends were lucky.  You really need to find a way to build confidence and to get some help and support in finding a job.  Getting upset would not fix anything.  It would only drive people away.  

I also wonder if you can do some volunteer work in IT???  That would give you experience and reference and make you feel good since you love computers.  

Don't give up trying.  Don't smoke hash.  You're not a loser.  You just need a chance at a IT job.

[therese83]

What is the medical system like in Egypt, I asume it is preety good and you can get help, maybe you should start with your regular Doctor and talk about how you are feeling.

You seem to be really suffering with very bad feelings, you do not have to suffer like this and you can get better,

I think you may need to go to a Psychiatrist for assessment and possible treatment.  You do sound depressed and as you begin to feel better you may be able to make some positive changes in your life.

I wish you well.