Depression versus Anxiety...and the winner is.....

[rukester]

i need some help. I am an active 35 year old male....very close to my family....have a recent girlfriend with whom Im absolutely in love with...and a successful business. But I know my life isnt/hasnt been a normal one. My sister died when I was 10...cancer...i wasnt born in USA...came here to get her treatment...went to 3 different grade schools...3 different high schools...took a long time for me to find a happy place and feel like I belong...guess Im still looking.

I never thought I was depressed...as usually, I am very motivated...always have been...I was very active in College...president of fraternity...I worked as a bouncer in a night club...had more fun then I should be allowed to.

However after my sister died...i have always suffered from issues such as:
total hypochondriac in college
feelings of loss and overconcern with dying
strange muscle twitches that started about the same time..gone away now for some time
feelings of loneleniess
extreme fear of loosing my parents
I also have had several unsuccesful relationships...as most girlfriends seemed to have left me

in the last 5 years:
first feelings like I cannot breathe
heart flutterings
extreme anxiety attacks where i have been to emergency room several times

Now...im in theraphy with a clinical social worker...its helping...i feel like Im in controll of anxiety attacks..as they still happen...but I am able to work through them..

my problem is I am feeling detached...almost like living in a dream world...where everything seems to be colorless or odorless for a lack of a better explanation. This only happens at night...and I am usually in great mood in the mornings. Yes there is a lot of stress in my life...but i am working on reducing and living a better life. Yet even on good days...where I am motivated...I sometimes get mood switch...like last night...and I start feelng this weird detached feeling.

i dont end up wanting to stay inside...or I dont feel like I am extremely down...but I fear that this is depression...and it worries me. I dont want to be on medication...as I know based on my experiences with  my sister....I dont want to go that route. I feel ok most of the time....but i have completely stopped drinking..b.ecause anxiety with alcohol was a real nightmare! i dont drink caffeine...and eat and excercise very healthy way,

Am i deptressed...or would you say...due to my anxiety issues...that I feel moments of depression that can be brought on by other things...the winter...holidays...nighttime...etc?

I really would appreciate some help...and thank you in advance.

[lidvo]

My faith has kept me going~ sounds crazy, but I talk to God (don't care who sees or hears me!!! too bad!) After many years in a unhealthy relationship, it has recently ended and has been extremely difficult THEN with the holidays and all, torture! I am depressed, eating everything in sight (i'm not even fat but I could get there if this keeps up!... I have social phobia therefore, socializing with folks from church and job is extremely stressfull (easier to isolate)  

My faith in God has kept me afloat...I have talked to psychoanalysts, therapists, etc...bla bla bla..waste of moneyI even joined anonymous self-help groups...they're ok but when I don't go, who's left? Me and GOD (no money spent with my creator, who knows me)!
Hope this helps

[rukester]

thank you all....very good advice. I will try the pshychotheraphy route. My social worker is very experienced...etc...but I agree..that a different route might be better.

[umya]

the detached sensation is likely a dimension of anxiety.  i knew this sensation well for many years before analysis.  often anxiety and depression turn up their volume in the beginning of the theraputic process as many lids are being wrenched open.  i agree with laughingman, in that a visit to a psychiatrist may be better suited for you.  one who practices psychoanalysis or some type of psychotherapy would probably be most helpful.  it is definitely possible to live anxiety and depression free without the use of drugs.  it just takes a long term commitment with a good therapist.

[hippydippygal]

Sounds like depression to me...I've been depressed all of my life in one way or another and am not a teenager by any means...Bad childhood, teenage years a nightmare--so shy I could not speak in class, panic attacks when called on in class...thought I was an idiot and reconfirmed it to myself most of my life....Was in therapy--talking - with psychiatrist, counselors, and the consensus is that some people are "wired" differently...as my dr. said....Medication can help...I've taken meds since the mid 80's - get scared when they want to switch it...Never get used to it...Panic attacks have stopped...THANK GOD...Was having them one after the other all day, every day for years..thought suicide more than once, but had kids and stopped....I am tired most of the time, take zoloft, and have cut the dose back...and feel better....I say whatever makes you feel better...Try the meds...they all have side effects...all meds do, but you definitely have depression that swings over to anxiety (that is under the depression anxiety--have been at this a long time....Go to a psychiatrist...they can prescribe and try it...If you don't like it, you gradually get off them...Good luck and Happy New Year...Struggling here myself...no job, husband not working, mortgage, feel sick to my stomach most of the time...cann't rest and no peace....take care...jan

[laughingman]

Sounds like you have too much stress which is causing you to over think a lot of things in your life. It's good you are getting some help with a social worker but if it gets any worse you might want to talk to a psychiatrist. Just tell the doctor you don't like the idea of taking medication and see what they think.