My now ex-boyfriend has an issue of emotional detachment. He broke up with me recently with similar circumstances to his last breakup. He just shut down and said he didn't feel anything and that it's his problem and he can't fix it. I am, now that I look closely at the situation, severely attached to him because there seemed to be nothing wrong in our relationship. I feel I am on the verge of having the same problem as he has due to this breakup. I want to help us work things out, or at least help him solve his long term issues, but I don't know what to do.
He was raised in a fairly detached family that never hugged or said "I love you". Our relationship of 19 months was not this way, we showed plenty of affection for each other. His key problem in his last relationship was sexual compatability. As far as I could tell, we did not have this problem either though we didn't always have sex as often as we liked.
He has said directly to me that he has a sort of emotional "rip-cord" where he can just shut off to any given person: Friends, family, and partners. A lot of people he tends not to get close to in the first place.
He lost a good friend early in high school to a car crash and had a period of depression that he was treated for. His parents got divorced around the same time and he had severe anger issues with his dad, again he had therapy. His relationship with his parents now (at 21) is little more than amicable.
He consistently has trouble sleeping (both getting to sleep and staying asleep) unless he is absolutely exhausted. He seems to rarely show interest in things he supposedly loves (hiking, biking, etc), even when I bring up doing them. I told him that I felt he might have depression again, or something else going on. He looks at all these problems and says "It's just me and there's nothing I can do about it. Therapy won't help."
I feel like he can be helped if he'd just let someone do it. It's hurting me to see him go through this almost as much as it hurts me for him to just let me go. I'm not sure where to start or what I should say. Where should I begin?
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