Feel like a monster...

I have major depression and anxiety snce last 3 years and this is not the first time. Im in therapy and use Cymbalta 60mg, valdoxan 50mg and Ativan 2,5mg a day.
Im married and have a 5y old son.
Ive problems with my husband since he feels bad what ı'm doing and feeling. I like women. My therapist told me that will go away as soon ı've solve mu problems with my crzy mother and come over mu chilhood sexual abuses. But its a long time to be better and husband is just ssying ı need to decide what kind of live ı want. At the moment hes very cold to me for a long time and ınfeel so lonely... And now ı dont feel anyhing. Me might divorce me now and ı just dont care. Ive no hope and no streng to fight. I fell like a monster. Today ı've took all ativans ı have in my hand and slept. Also i tried  to jump out of a driving car and to stop breathing. Feel like a monster..

[witheredrose]

Your not a monster! You have just hit a rut, and your husband probably doesnt quite understand your problem. It is probably taking an emotional toll on him as well because it isnt easy for a family member dealing with a loved one with mental illness. He might need to talk to somebody on how to deal with it, or he just isnt cut out for it, period.
But dont blame yourself!!
He is right, you need to and you can chose your life.  Right now, you already have part of your life,, your son, and your husband. The rest of it depends on whether you go for what you want and never stop going for it instead of giving up and losing faith in yourself. Find the right treatment that works best for you, find a way to overcome your past, work towards all of this as hard as you can, dig deep, and eventually you will be well on your way to a happier life! It takes time!
HUGS!! Wishing the best for you! Your not a monster! You have just hit a rut, and your husband probably doesnt quite understand your problem. It is probably taking an emotional toll on him as well because it isnt easy for a family member dealing with a loved one with mental illness. He might need to talk to somebody on how to deal with it, or he just isnt cut out for it, period.
But dont blame yourself!!
He is right, you need to and you can chose your life.  Right now, you already have part of your life,, your son, and your husband. The rest of it depends on whether you go for what you want and never stop going for it instead of giving up and losing faith in yourself. Find the right treatment that works best for you, find a way to overcome your past, work towards all of this as hard as you can, dig deep, and eventually you will be well on your way to a happier life! It takes time!
HUGS!! Wishing the best for you!

[witheredrose]

Wow i do not know what happened there!!!

[Muguette]

I didn't died... İt didnt work :( ım just like drunk!
Im afrait to call my therapist and go to my appointment thats tomorrow. He will be angry with me....
My husband called yesterday night my therapist that ı took all the meds. He wanted me to vomit bur ı didn't... So knows what happened...
Im so scared from everything and myself...