Always thought I was too strong for this...

[TheyCallMeDee]

I always thought I was too strong to be depressed.  Thought I could (and was supposed to be able to) handle anything life threw at me.  

I don't even know where to start with this.  I am a mess.  My entire life is a mess, except for my marriage thank God.  My husband is amazing, but I do not want to burden him with my inner workings.

I have a number of step children. Three of them should be out of the house and on their own by now, but two are not.  The pressure is unbelievable.  I am in a business that has constant pressure, and I can't seem to stop my mind from reeling long enough to get a good night's sleep.

I have a bottle of percoset in the safe from when I had my sinus surgery.  I have taken a couple of them over the past few weeks just to help me sleep, but the last thing I need is a drug dependency issue.  I just don't know what else to do.

The feelings of inadequacy and my general inability to cope are crippling me.  I came home early from work today.  Made up a lie about having a sore throat.  The reality is that I simply cannot concentrate on anything.

There probably isn't anything you can say that will be helpful or encouraging but I didn't know where else to turn.  None of my friends are online right now and I am ... well .. just sort of lost.

[opus88]

Dee first of all depression is not caused by a weakness anymore than cancer is, neither are in your control. mental health is no different than physical health and needs to be brought out into the open and not hidden behind a dark veil of shame.....
Your life has become overwhelming and your mind is trying to tell you that you need some help, don't fight it those of us with depression are not crazy nor weak.
It's normal for us women to want to be the ones that can fix everything, do everything and keep everything under control....when for whatever reason this isn't possible we began to feel somehow responsible,angry, overwhelmed,depressed,tired,hopeless,ashamed etc etc....
don't let this ruin your life find a good therapist to talk to and a psychiatrist to find out if you need some medication...this may only be for a temporary period until life begins to feel like it should.
good luck...we've all been there

[teko]

For starters, lay off the percocet, that is how drug dependency happens! Try melatonin, you can get it over the counter without a script, it works! Not habit forming and no side effects.

Anyone can have depression, it is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that your body has been stressed way to long and it has stopped making the natural stress hormones that you need to deal with what life throws your way. It could be situational depression, and if that is the case, kick the kiddies to the curb, if they are old enough that they should have left the nest! C a psychiatrist and have your levels taken and there is a good possibility that you may, upon the advice of a doctor need a med to create the hormone for you while your body takes a long needed rest before it can function normally again!