How soon should you divulge mh and/or other issues in a new relationship?

[AllAboutEve]

I am 30 years old, have had bouts of depression (two hospitalizations, one when 14 the other when 21), have a history of promiscuity, including delving into prostitution, but had an epiphany recently that the reason for this has been my fear of rejection (possibly stemming from my parents divorce when I was 8 years old).  I also recently started seeing a therapist again (I always ran away from it when it was getting too "heavy") to explore all of these things.  Three months ago I started seeing someone and this revelation (of self-castigating with dead-end/unhealthy relationships & habits) kind of caught up with me, and thinking that it'd be helpful and healthy to put it all on the table in order to start fresh and "on the right path", I decided to tell this individual I was seeing all my history---the depression, the hospitalizations, the fear of rejection, the prostitution, etc.  Needless-to-say he became stunned and I'm afraid that he's already made a decision to terminate our relationship.  I feel terrible because the one thing that I feared the most happened anyway.  I'm going to continue my therapy and hopefully get to a better place but I was wondering---am I setting myself up for failure if I decide to "come clean" about my past every time with someone new?  How soon is too soon to divulge things about your past, including mental health issues?  Thanks, in advanced!

[Mickey88]

I've been treated for depression for decades and what I've learned is that people who aren't mentally ill don't want to be around those of us who are.  Sorry, I wish I could sound more positive, but that's my experience.

In personal relationships I don't share the details of mental illness unless depression causes a problem at some point.   But you can never date a person with the belief that this person may have to take care of you one day.  Just see someone because it makes you feel happier in the moment and see where things progress.   You don't owe anyone details you don't wish to give.  

In the best, happiest relationships I have I never mention depression or medication.  These are people who have been in my life for years and bring out the best in me..  

  

[MMahon]

Put yourself on the other end of this question.
If a 'significant other' had been thru what you have, would you want him to tell you about it at some point or other?
Personally I believe at some point they deserve to know this if they are really going to know you.  It's you that you want them to love and respect and accept, for better or worse, and if they cannot do that then it's better to find that out early because they will surely learn of it later and will then maybe not be able to trust what they know about you.
This is a significant medical condition that will probably be with you for the rest of your life, to some degree or other.  Hiding it denies it and will be hurtful to you and your partner.
You don't need to reveal all the personal details of your past, but if you're having a relationship based on love then truth has to be part of that base.
If a guy is going to bail on you just due to the knowledge of your condition then what's he going to do later if a 'flare up' of your condition occurs.  That will be a hurtful blow you may find very hard to deal with at a time that certainly won't be helpful.
This is just my simple opinion on a difficult decision for sure.  I am no expert on these matters.
Be confident in who you are and accept your past and move on. Focus on your future and be better off because of it.  I know what you are going thru and wish you all the best.

[mammo]

It's the past, and I would leave it there.  I commend you on wanting to be totally honest with him, but this is no longer you, and you need to keep moving forward and not looking back.  Do your best to put a period on that part of your life.  You know why you did the things you did and are dealing with it......good for you!  A new you, a new beginning!  Someday, you may feel the need to address your depression with a significant other, but leave it at that, no need to explain why, most of us don't know why we're depressed anyway. Your heart was in the right place, don't beat yourself up over this......live and learn.  Take care of YOU and get yourself in a better place emotionally.  Don't feel the need to tell all of your past, because it's just that...the past. Don't allow this to set you back either, you are moving forward and you want to keep the momentum going.  I think you've come a long way and derserve a big pat on the back!  I wish you all the best and take care.

[4Maddie44]

This is a difficult one.  I think perhaps you told him too much.  Just give a little information at a time, as the relationshnip goes on.  It is too much to expect someone to accept everything at once.

I would not divulge the prostitution.  Keep that one to yourself.

If you feel someone really cares, you can just drop into a conversation that you have had depression.  They will accept this if they are the caring type.  Remember, many men find it hard to confront emotional issues.

On the other hand, you could say nothing at all.  What they don't know, can't affect the relationship.  You have to decide how much to tell, and when.  Not all at once though.