How to handling gf with depression

[michael852]

Hey I could use some insight on this.My gf of 3 and ahalf years is suffering from clinical or major depression(i do not know which) but I m curious why do people that are suffering  from depression push others away?

is this a defense thing or what? can you salvage a relationship after or during depression?
insight would be liked.

[nursegirl6572]

I understand what you were saying, and of course we would never encouarge someone to leave their loved one because they are depressed or having issues.  Sometimes, people get SO caught up in others' issues and problems that they neglect themselves, and I think that is exactly what happened with michael.  He dove into wanting to basically "save" his GF, give his "all" to help her get better, and in the meantime, he started suffering with some of his own emotional issues, which he probably just swept under the rug.

Him breaking off the romantic relationship may have indeed been a bit of a blow to her, but maybe, like brice said...it will be a "bottom" of sorts for her and she will finally seek the help she obviously needs.  Up til now, it had been months of the same thing...nothing, pretty much.  She would never have gotten better that way.  Also, I don't think at this point, they could consider themselves "boyfriend'girlfriend" anyway...just due to the circumstances.  In a sense, their relationship as they knew it had already ended a while ago, no one just came out and said it.

I understand that you didn't necessarily have all of the info in this situation.  There are other threads where we were discussing this same situation.  I just wanted to be very clear that NO ONE is ever accountable for other people's decisions, especially when it comes to something like suicide.  There is enough guilt for loved ones of a person who takes their own life...without expressing that.  Even if michael was a heartless and cruel jerk and left her because she was depressed, it still wouldn't be his fault.  And btw, your English is just fine.

And brice...I loved this statement you made....."Oooh yeah, being "someones reason to live" screams dysfunction, dependency, and about 100 other things."  SO true!

Michael...just be cautious.  Your GF is going through a range of emotions, and now that you've made the decision to end your romance, she may be filled with a lot of regrets.  Don't let her play with your emotions...stick to your bottom line...that you will be there for her WHEN she decides to get help.  I like the addiction comparison...situations like this are very similar in a lot of ways.

I've been in deep dark places before, and most certainly, during those times, I wasn't always the wife, mom and friend I knew I could be, BUT, I will never use my emotional issues and disorders as an excuse to behave poorly.  Unfortunately, while we're depressed or anxious, life around us goes on...and even if we HATE every second of it...we have a responsibility to those who love us to at least TRY.

[michael852]

I do to,thats why it tore me up so much

[armira]

im sorry too.i just tried to give my oppinion for ur case,but at all it's your decision.i hope ur gf will get better ,because living with depression its bad feeling that may exist,and without help of others it may be destructive.i wish her the best

[michael852]

I am sorry that you did not get the whole intel briefing on this issue

[michael852]

Thank you,i m going to be supportive. The thing that hit me the most when this MD hit her was in the past 3.5 yrs i ve known her I never saw it( int eh convo we had she told me that she had mini bouts but hid them)if thats true she did a great job of it.She told me her last major bout of it was right before we met,so i was in the dark.She told me she had MD but I did not think anything of it at the time bc come on who isnt depressed someitmes,I thought she was being dramatic.As Anne Shellfeld put I am suffering from depression fallout

[armira]

at first im sorry for my bad english,i'm not blaming him for her suicide,but just if she has no one to support her,separation can be very big blow for her.i didn't knew that they are in other states and they didn't talk for months,it's their problem,but in case with a depressed person,her loved one should be very careful because its so easy to leave her in the most difficult days of her life.i think she need a hand to take her up,not to push down more and more till she'll get enough