dont trust myself anymore

[jaythepioneer]

hi there my name is jay, im a 20 year old guy from ulster.
i have reciently gone through a extremely nasty breakup with my ex girlfriend which included a pregnancy.
some of the things that have happened have forced me to go to the doctor, i was given a month off work on sick leave but as soon as i have returned to where i work i have started to get these realy realy strong feeling of anger and hate towards my ex for what she has put me through and is still putting me through.
i dont trust myself because because i am a trained military person and i no what i am capable of. this scares me alot!!!!
dont no what to do or who to go to for help because the things that are going through my head are not normal. im a calm guy normally but she has seemed to bring out a part of me i dont like.
this is probably realy pathetic but i need help here.
thankyou.
jay

[AnnaE]

Take care of yourself. Ask for help if you need it. Watch you diet for good, balanced nutrition and ask for help when you need it. Looks like you are getting good at that. Get exercise.

[soccermom1972]

I wish you all the best.  Take care of yourself!

[jaythepioneer]

well i have been to speak to the military doctors on my base and they have removed all my access to live arms. (prob a very good idea cuz i dont miss)
they have put me in contact with a mental health clinic.
and i am trying to get posted to a different unit or country.

[AnnaE]

Please don't do anything to hurt anyone. Did the hurt involve another guy? If so, I read somewhere that guys have thse feelings; that's why many men that you see in the news have acted on them.

Not all our feelings need to be acted on; not all of them are our fault.You must get help and support so that you will no ruin your life. Your are so young. There is new happiness ahead for you. I am so glad you wrote in. Keep writing in.

You can also see a therapist and go to a psychiatrist to give you medication and monitor it. If you feel that you cannot afford this, write back in and we will give you some resources.

[romulus]

I agree with Hensley.  Don't ruin your life just because someone hurt you.  Being hurt is part of life.  Everyone goes through it.  Especially in the 20's.  You just need to learn from it.  What was it about her that you liked?  What didn't you like?  What will you do differently the next time with a different girlfriend?

I've been played more times than I care to admit but I learned from each one of those experiences.  Then, I got good at choosing better people until I have finally found someone that I can honestly say, I love with all my heart and he loves me back.  It's not a giddy love but a mature love that has real depth to it.  I'm telling you, it's like nothing I've ever felt before. If it weren't for the "learning experiences" I wouldn't be who I am today and be able to love this guy.  He loves me b/c I'm smart and know about life.  He says I have experience and know how to handle situations.

Walk away from this girl and give yourself some time to grieve.  Then, pick yourself up and start dating.  Don't get serious with anyone for a while, just have fun.  At some point, you will meet the woman of your dreams and this girl you're thinking about now will be a distant memory.  You will barely remember her.  She really isn't worth your time anymore.  You deserve better than her so let her go and move on to the next girl with a clear conscience knowing that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.  That's all any of us can do anyway.

[Hensley258]

Try to relax. I know the feeling so well. If I had a nickle for every ex-girlfriend that screwed me over I would be a rich man. It not abnormal for you to feel like choking the life from her with your bare hands. A wise man once said, " it is perfectly normal for sane people to entertain insane thoughts."

Just DO NOT act on these thoughts EVER. Your best bet is to just stay as far away from her as possible for now. Think very carefully before you consider hurting her. You are only 20 years old, now ask yourself how important the rest of your life is.

If you do something stupid like hurt her then you will be charged. Now days if you have even a minor felony on your record no company will ever consider hiring you. They do back ground checks everywhere now before hire. I know because I turn these people down for employment all the time because of minor felony record no matter how long ago the charge was.

Don't ruin your life because of some girl.
Let it go, move on and I guarentee the next girl in your life will put this ex of yours to shame. Just hurt for a while and deal with it, then move on smarter and wiser.

[soccermom1972]

When you took sick leave was it for your anger?  Please, don't act on any of your feelings.  It will pass, but now, you are still in love with your ex (I'm assuming), so it is still fresh and it still hurts.  Be patient!  Wish you the best!