I fear myself.

[jeleanora]

Hello. I guess I could say Im not new to any mental disorder...I have OCD, GAD, Panic Attacks, Severe depression, and  extremely low self-esteem.
I am going into my first year of college, at the end of september, I have a pattern of becoming quite suicidal during the school year especially in the first semester.
I guess my question is whether any of you are fearful of yourself. I know this sounds strange, but my anxiety has been creeping up and I feel nervous as to whether I will "mess" this experience up [aka: first year of college].
Im fearful of my future choices, yet I know that I have free will and can determine right from wrong/helpful from unhealthy, but whenever I daydream and plan for a suicide attempt its because I HAVE free will.
I don't know if this makes sense, because now as Im reading it it sounds stupid. I'd like to hear from you if you want to say something. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

[cheshchesh819]

good luck the sooner you get the help you needs the more enjoyment in your life you can have keep me posted

[jeleanora]

thank you for your reply. I was considering that but I didn't know if I was overreacting. But now, I think I will.  : ]
Thank you,

[cheshchesh819]

your thoughts are pretty real and because of this you should really speak to a theripist to help you through this,i understand that you are nervous about college and you suffer depression but those reasons alone please seek help immediatly