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I feel I could crack at any moment
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. My name is Hamed Khatiz and I have recently lost a friend. It was a very brutal and very devastating and emotionally wrecking. I sent her a monologue email asking her why she seems to hate my guts and then a thread went on. She ended it by telling me that "you do not know me, so get over it" and "if you do not like what I say then leave me alone".

What's more, she misunderstood a hypothetical situation in the monologue and she then told my other friend Benjamin, that I called him a liar. Now he is heavily offended. A good friend gone and another in jeopardy. What's more, I am feeling ignored and unappreciated at school and it seems unbelievably and terribly and devastatingly and amazing and monumentally suckish. ****. I am feeling amazingly nervous and churny when I get near either one of them and I have had countless dizzy spells, where the floor seems to fly away from me, like everyone else....

I am also amazingly angry and frustrated at everyone I see in my day. Pressure Cooker!!!!!!!! I am worried that one day I could snap and do or day something terrible to someoe I love. I love the people around me, I have never felt this way before.

I am on the verge of tears all the time and not even music helps, my favorite and most effective remedy, or at least when I pull out the headphones, I am back in the world I hate and that hates me.

I can't help but blame myself for the incident and I feel I have made a bajillion mistakes.

Am I depressed or something else? Don't respond by asking another question, it's monumentally annoying when people so that, just hit me with your best answer.

P.S. It is worth noting I am 16 years of age....
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454863 tn?1208310579
I like the way you use the word Monumentally.  I dont think I have written it until now, so I just wanted to say that.  
Anyway, i think many of us have a feeling of wanting to crack at any moment.  It's just human nature, when we are pissed, this is all we can think of.  I know I have.  But you probably have balled it up so much, that now you are on the verge of cracking.
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Thanks dude. Yah, the issue has been going on for three months and I am kind of glad that it is over. The first time I talked to her about it was Sunday (it is Tuesday here in Australia) and even though the response was so brutal, it's sweet to get it out of the way. I probably have to get the energy out somehow.

Perhaps the next drum kit I see will wish it had never been born LOL. Just to everyone else, the lines are still more than open, so if you want to give me your opinion, just comment below and I will really appreciate it before I send out a Best Answer in about a week's time.

Thanks again Omusicgame,
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What,s done is done and that,s life as it were.The past is history,the futures a mystery.Emotional pain is not everlasting,it will pass.Turn you attention to something else,explore your mind and seek happiness from some other source.This is not a test but a chapter in your life.
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1194973 tn?1385507504
Friends will come and go-- obviously she was not a good friend or she would still be there. You need to focus on the now and what you have, and not the past and what you lost.

Your know your own body, and what you will do. DO NOT let your mind wonder away with ideas of things that are not realistic. We might think that we might hurt others, and in fact this is a common thought all humans have regardless of their personality. You just have to remember that YOU are in control. Don't get in the mentality that the world hates you, because it doesn't. You can feel that way, but it will only feed your hate of everything else and eventually add to the pity and you'll never climb your way out. We get stuck in ruts that we become comfortable in and it gets harder and harder to climb out of that rut. Don't hold high expectations of yourself and take it one day at a time.
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