Aa
I feel like I don't know what to do anymore
I have been dealing with the most difficult year and a half in my life. I feel just so stressed out and depressed I honestly don't know wat to do anymore. In December of 2012 I gave birth to my beautiful babygirl. She was premature, I was only 29 weeks wen I had her. She weighed 2 lbs 12oz. Now while my daughter was in the NICU she had 2 surgeries (PDA ligation & ileostomy) and I was also told she had a grade 4 bleed in her brain. About 2 and a half months into her hospital stay my husband told me that his cancer had come back. We had been together since high school and we're under the impression although he was in remission he would never have children. Needless to say we did have a beautiful baby girl who is his twin. upon telling me his cancer had returned I was devastated. I knew how he felt about going back on chemotherapy, it wasn't an option. He refused to go thru it all over again after only being in remission 2 and a half years. They did tell him if his cancer came back in less than 5 years he wouldn't have a fighting chance. One day while visiting my daughter in the NICU I hadn't heard much from my husband but knew he wasn't feeling well. When I had finally finished up with my daughter's visit I went home only to find my husband dead in our bed. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever had to experience. I tickled his feet thinking he was sleeping and he didn't flinch. Thinking he felt cold from the windows being open I covered him with a blanket and leaned down to kiss him. Wen my lips touched his they were cold and stiff. All I could do was cry and scream. My daughter was still in the hospital wen I buried him and released exactly 4 days after his burial. I feel as though I am a completely different person since this has happened and have no one to turn to. If it wasn't for our daughter I don't know where I would be right now. There are times I find myself reading out old messages looking at pictures reminiscing and crying. I just don't know how to deal with all this pain.
i will also give this advice, even though others may not think it is a good idea.
be careful calling any hotlines, etc. the LAST thing you want is to have them take your daughter away because they feel you cannot take care of yourself.
the term 'fake it till you make it' applies here. unless you feel like you could hurt your daughter ( i don't get that from you) and hurt yourself, do not go that route. you are reaching out for help right here. you just need to know you will get through this and i honestly think you need to find a great grief counselor and consider medication for this crisis period. you won't need them forever.
even though you do not believe someone else knows exactly how you feel, there are people who do. me for example. may not be the EXACT situations, but the loss is the same. you will find that in groups when you are ready, but you really need some one on one grief counseling right now.
be careful calling any hotlines, etc. the LAST thing you want is to have them take your daughter away because they feel you cannot take care of yourself.
the term 'fake it till you make it' applies here. unless you feel like you could hurt your daughter ( i don't get that from you) and hurt yourself, do not go that route. you are reaching out for help right here. you just need to know you will get through this and i honestly think you need to find a great grief counselor and consider medication for this crisis period. you won't need them forever.
even though you do not believe someone else knows exactly how you feel, there are people who do. me for example. may not be the EXACT situations, but the loss is the same. you will find that in groups when you are ready, but you really need some one on one grief counseling right now.
i am so very, very sorry. :( it is hard to find the right words to comfort you, but maybe sharing a few experiences you will understand that you will get through this.
first, the fact that your husband was not supposed to be able to have children and yet you were blessed with a gift from him in the form of your daughter. how beautiful is that??? pretty amazing really, if you stop and think about it. every time you miss him, just look into her eyes and know he is right there with you.
i had a beautiful son named Logan. he was 6 months old and one morning i woke up to my 15 yr old daughter holding him in my face screaming 'MOM, LOGAN IS DEAD'. he died of an undiagnosed heart issue. i may as well had died right there. i immediately got pregnant again and my son was born on november 13 and then his dad died on december 21 of the same year.
i honestly cannot tell you how i got through it other than my son helped me. i had to live for him. i had to function for him.
2 yrs later.............. i had been taking my dad (who was sick with (cancer) over dinner every night. i told him i would be there at 6 pm, but was running a little late.. about 6:30 pm i got there and he was dead in his chair.. i managed to call 911, pull him onto the floor and do cpr. he died AGAIN the next morning. at least family was able to say goodbye. but, me????n having not been able to revive my son, wasn't able to save my dad, having my fiance die, i just didn't know how i could go on.
i hurt so bad i thought surely i would die. i got on anti anxiety medication to help during the first year and also anti depressants. i think God carried me through. i can say that now, but at the time i hated God. that was the loneliest feeling in the world, not believing in God. after all, how could i ever be reunited with them if i hated him????
there are no shortcuts through this. meds can help, but you have that beautiful gift your husband gave you to care for. she will get you through
first, the fact that your husband was not supposed to be able to have children and yet you were blessed with a gift from him in the form of your daughter. how beautiful is that??? pretty amazing really, if you stop and think about it. every time you miss him, just look into her eyes and know he is right there with you.
i had a beautiful son named Logan. he was 6 months old and one morning i woke up to my 15 yr old daughter holding him in my face screaming 'MOM, LOGAN IS DEAD'. he died of an undiagnosed heart issue. i may as well had died right there. i immediately got pregnant again and my son was born on november 13 and then his dad died on december 21 of the same year.
i honestly cannot tell you how i got through it other than my son helped me. i had to live for him. i had to function for him.
2 yrs later.............. i had been taking my dad (who was sick with (cancer) over dinner every night. i told him i would be there at 6 pm, but was running a little late.. about 6:30 pm i got there and he was dead in his chair.. i managed to call 911, pull him onto the floor and do cpr. he died AGAIN the next morning. at least family was able to say goodbye. but, me????n having not been able to revive my son, wasn't able to save my dad, having my fiance die, i just didn't know how i could go on.
i hurt so bad i thought surely i would die. i got on anti anxiety medication to help during the first year and also anti depressants. i think God carried me through. i can say that now, but at the time i hated God. that was the loneliest feeling in the world, not believing in God. after all, how could i ever be reunited with them if i hated him????
there are no shortcuts through this. meds can help, but you have that beautiful gift your husband gave you to care for. she will get you through
It may be a good idea to look for a crisis hotline in your area. Where I live you can call 211 and be connected with a resource center for further assistance. From there you are likely to find health professionals, support groups and therapist specializing in grief specifically. To me it sounds like you are really in need of some immediate outreach, not just what you will get from this kind of forum.
For what it's worth, I know it feels like your insides are torn apart and you look around at everyone else and think "how can the world still be going?!" It's not fair. It hurts. You deserve to feel better! If you keep hanging on, going through the motions (hollow as they may seem) the time passes and it hurts a little less. Then with counseling and support (maybe from a group) you can find little pieces of yourself and build it back up. I am sincerely wishing you well. I wish I could give you the gift of sleep. Or food that still has taste. Or a shower that feels refreshing. I know...keep looking ahead and please reach out. Someone can hold your hand to help you over this mountain!
For what it's worth, I know it feels like your insides are torn apart and you look around at everyone else and think "how can the world still be going?!" It's not fair. It hurts. You deserve to feel better! If you keep hanging on, going through the motions (hollow as they may seem) the time passes and it hurts a little less. Then with counseling and support (maybe from a group) you can find little pieces of yourself and build it back up. I am sincerely wishing you well. I wish I could give you the gift of sleep. Or food that still has taste. Or a shower that feels refreshing. I know...keep looking ahead and please reach out. Someone can hold your hand to help you over this mountain!
I have tried numerous therapy sessions but I feel like they were a waste of time and money. I have become so angry I don't know if u could deal with any type of group sessions only because I feel like no one has been in my situation and no one could understand where I'm coming from :( it's just so hard
It's the hardest thing ever.i try to take our daughter to the cemetery as often as possible and I constantly show her pictures and tell her about him. I just feel so alone. I have no support system and my friends all bailed on me like they didn't know how to help me deal with everything. I swear sometimes I just wanna lay in bed with my babygirl and cry. I'm just so thankful she pulled through and is just fine.
I am SO sorry for your loss! I would strongly advise you to find a grief counselor if you haven't already. A good therapist can support you and help you work through all of this incredible pain. Also, group therapy would be helpful. Just don't go through this alone! If you go to church find someone you feel comfortable with and talk about this. Again, I am so sorry! One more thing to help with your search, Google grief counselors or go to psychology today's website. On the website you can look for therapist in your area.
God bless!
God bless!
The death of a loved one is very hard to deal with. My husband left me for another woman and three months later my daughter, Serena, age 16 died in a car accident. In three months I went from having a family to having nothing. Luckily for me I had friends who called me almost every night to come over for supper. I went into a two year depression but eventually came out of it. I still love my daughter, notice I didn't say "loved", I still love her and you will still love him. It does get easier but anniversaries are always difficult. For her birthday and the anniversaries of her death, I buy her flowers. On June 30th, her birthday, I take the flowers to the local Children's Memorial and leave the flowers on her paver stone. For the anniversary of her death, Dec. 30th I buy flowers and keep them at home. If I lived close to her grave I would leave flowers there. So, in summary, the pain will get better. Your loss will never go away totally but it will get easier.
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