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Avatar universal

I just want an answer...

Im really confused and frustrated about myself.. I cannot figure out what is wrong with me.. I always do some much research trying to find out and then I feel as if I have everything wrong with my once I learn about each disease.
I do know I am depressed but there is just soo much more to it and once i find something i might be noone believes me and everyone just thinks im a hypercondriac.  Like I do believe I have depersonalization.. Everything feels fake as if im watching my life be played out. nothing ever feels real I just feel like i am watching myself talk.. never feel like i am experiencing life just living it.. I have no control over my body and no structure in my emotions which i think i may be bipolar but i just have so many things and addicted to to much stuff like sex and alcohol. I hate myself.. only myself.. I enjoy torching myself it is my life.. Only way i can feel real. I have soo many phobias especially happy people. And I have panic and Anxiety attacks and bad OCD.. I am just so lost.. i have no idea what to do... guhh... i just need some idea on what to do.. please.
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1042487 tn?1275279899
One last thing about the personality disorders. We all have some of them in us and that is what makes a personality ;)
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1042487 tn?1275279899
lol snefnie actually i jumped when i saw the comment about borderline personality disorder when considering the fact that you said think you are hypochondriac and so is a bad idea to buy or download a DSM-IV diagnosis book since you could make a link with so much personality disorders and end up thinking your are totally crazy when in fact you are not. Well try therapy or supports groups or both, let those emotions out and see what happens!

Take care,
M4
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Avatar universal
as u can see im not much of a typer.. have problems with typing feel illiterate half the time.. get easily frustrated with what im trying to say.. no fun with the therapist specially in the morning where my brain is slow and eveything feels dream like.. no fun no fun. lol
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Avatar universal
Thanks so much guys.. means alot i hate feeling like i am alone.. just blahh. Worst of all i am the worst for relationships.. i even up ruining boys soo bad even the ones that seem just like me i break them i guess :S i unno.. just guh... i donno haha i pretty much givee up on relationships for quite a whilee and he told me above that i shouldnt research cuz then ill def think i have that too lmfao.. oo dearyy me..
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Avatar universal
From what you write I wonder if you have borderline personality disorder.  (If you're into researching you could try looking up the dsm-iv for bpd.)  Maybe even ask your T or doctor about it.  It may also explain why therapy and medication isn't helping.
bpd and bipolar share some similarities.  Like impulsivity for example.  Also under extreme stress a person with bpd can experience transient psychotic symptoms.  Anxiety will be the major contributing factor to this I expect.

I was into sport too.  Had ocd but performed well.  I was later diagnosed with severe depression and then sometime later bpd.

You could try looking it up.  But is was just a thought.
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Avatar universal
Like I do believe I have depersonalization.. Everything feels fake as if im watching my life be played out. nothing ever feels real I just feel like i am watching myself talk.. never feel like i am experiencing life just living it.. I have no control over my body and no structure in my emotions

Hi there

I copied the above from your post because that sums up how I feel most of the time.  So first of all I want you to know you are not alone.

I have been struggling since I was 8 years old with self harming and depression - I am now 46.  The good news is that at least now I am getting help and start therapy this week.

I dont know what the answer is but maybe just chatting to each other on here just might make us feel we are swimming in a pond not just a small bowl.

My family do their best to understand and help me but it is so hard to be able to explain to them how I really feel let alone tell them that many times I just dont want to be here.

Hey I am supposed to be cheering you up lol.

I just think it is important to know you are not the only one going through this and that there are people who understand without having to feel even worse about yourself.

I wish you well and hope that you do have brighter days.

I think eating as heathily as possibly does have some benefits and I find that being couped up in the house such as when it is lousy weather makes me feel worse.

Ok I am waffling now.

Take care xx
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Avatar universal
Wow okay thanks alot.. Im gonna try these right away! Nothing to loose really.  I do have a therapist and a doctor but i find they dont help at all just put more thoughts in my head. one suggested i was bi polar the other that i was detached from my body but they didnt do anything about it im just on anti depressants which do nothing they just keep uping the dose but i dont see why they wont work... :S.. and i was also on sleeping pills.
But i am defiently gonna try to eat more healthy although i do fairly well and im into alot of sports im fairly young but seem really healthy and in shape maybe a bit underweight.. Thanks for the info! :) relle appreciate it!
Helpful - 0
1042487 tn?1275279899
Hello there,

You definitely have a lot going on your mind right now. Panic attack and anxiety is closely related with depression and depression is something you should address with a therapist and/or a qualified doctor.

While the opinion above was not what you wanted to here i have some advices for you. You must do things that will make you enjoy life and you can't enjoy life if you can't enjoy yourself and you can't enjoy your self if your body doesn't enjoy your mind. You could try a subscription to a gym and try a healthy diet. Exercise will make your body produce several hormones that are considered essential for healthy mind-body and it will balance your hormones as well which could improve your mood significantly. Endorphins for example, a endogenous opioid. It is widely produced during physical exercise. It reduces tensions and stress, like other opioids reduces pain and create a feeling of well-being. It also have an impact on the GABA receptors which are related to anxiety and stress. That's only 1 hormone and you will produce at least 8 of hem that will have impact on your well being and overall health.

Healthy diet, why it is so important for someone depress? Good proteins, carbohydrates ( complex ones are preferred ), lipids such as Omega-3 and 6, vitamins and minerals intake is essential and it does influence your mood. With today's processed food and general malnutrition it is very hard to keep a healthy and balanced diet this is why supplements should be considered and you can send me a private message if you need information regarding vitamins and supplements. The healthy diet is crucial because of some simple and complex biochemical reactions that affect both the brain and the body and both are interconnected. I would not tell you this kind of information if i didn't have any knowledge in biochemistry and neurobiology. Healthy diet is underestimated just like physical activity and the results is more people are getting sick because of malnutrition and sedentary lifestyle.

There's another thing that might help you and it's luminotherapy. You can do this by simply staying out in the daylight over a prolonged period of time which will increase your Vitamin D production and it is proven that daylight and Vitamin D have good impact on your mood. Ever heard about seasonal depression? Well this is due to this fact. If you don't want to stay out over a prolonged period of time you can buy special luminotherapy lamps on the internet, pharmacy and maybe hardware store.

Third and final advice, find yourself some hobbies you like and stick with the people you like and stop reading about diseases on the internet because it's a bad hobby for someone in your situation. While i was suffering from anxiety i was doing like you and only reading about something i might get or have would trigger a panic attack. Also alcohol abuse is not a good thing and you probably know it and it's a depressant and damage your liver and prevent a good sugar's excretion.

There are many resources you can take advantage of like the AA, support groups for anxiety and/or depression and talk therapy. If you have any questions or need more advices don't hesitate to ask.

Take care,
M4

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