I need help

[emmat]

Can anyone help?
3 months ago I suddenly felt extremely anxious and had racing thoughts about life and death and the universe, the anxiety was so bad I had to keep myself busy as couldn't relax at all. This thankfully has depleted a little but I'm left with the low mood that is just horrible. Im not down about myself, I'm down about life, and how I find normal daily stuff monotonal and very depressing. It's a scary feeling as this isn't me, and I don't want to be feeling like this...am I depressed? (silly question I guess) Im just so scared i'll feel like this forever and can't think of anything worse.

[prettykissy24]

Long but I dont know how to explain it.
I need help, I ruin every relationship I get in including work, friends, men, family, Its like something takes over and I have no control and I just become mean, start fights and when I'm back I dont even know what started the fight or why I was mad. I have to admit to what I did this weekend, My boyfriend and I went out drinking and we were fine, flirting, playing pool having a great time, next thing I know we are fighting arguing, he slams my door, I run after him, I remember slapping his car window and after that it took over, I drove to his house, I could see my self litterally driving..I even had a conversation with the guy delivering the newspaper, then I went and kicked in his car window and as if that wasn't bad enough I drove to the back of his house and stoped my car to get a brick got back in drove down to his truck parked in the drive way and tossed the brick through his windshield...Its not like I didnt want him to love me and I don't know why I do it, I hope this makes since, its very hard to explain how I feel. all I know is I NEED HELP.. I don't want to keep doing this to myself, I can feel this coming on and I even tried to pull myself away from him but he wanted to be around me and he did show me love which made it worse, I would be even meaner the more he loved me..Its always been like this...I dont understand it! What am I suppose to do, I told my Dr 6 months ago what has been going on she said "do you think your Bipolor?" then gave me a RX for some really exspencive medicine that could make me do even worse things than I already do...The thing is I can go a really long time before it happens then all of a sudden one day I feel it coming on a little, Im talking days not hours sometimes it takes months but it doesnt quit till that person is so mad, hurt, etc they are done with me, then afterwards I cry and dont understand what happen. Its like I am watching a show the whole time its happening, then all of a sudden I come back and its to late, I've already gone to far and its over. this time really hurt because I lost a man that my son truly loved and thought of as a father figure and this man did so much for my son and I, he treated my son like it was his baby, also I could have ended up in jail alot of really bad things could have really come of this. The other thing that happens is I lie about it and I can actually make myself believe I am innocent..What do I do, I want to learn how to control this..Am I "crazy?" Please help me so I can love and beloved, I don't want to continue ruining my life or worse my little babies. Its to late to him back but maybe someone will help me prevent this from happening again.
Christy

[sotiredandunwell]

Sorry, I didn't help you, I just related!  Definitely see a doctor and most of all get a referral to a psychiatrist.  My GP wasn't helping me at all.  Being referred to a psychiatrist is the best thing that's happened to me in years.

[sotiredandunwell]

This is exactly how I felt before going on anti-depressants in 2001.  I'm still on anti-depressants and valium, but unfortunately I still feel this way.  Psychiatrist says now I have post-natal depression.  I thought this might happen as I'd read that people who have already suffered depression are prone to post-natal depression and that is what I have.  Total change of life etc.  I'm down about life in general and find the monotony of life very depressing and debilitating.  I have a constant low mood.  I know how you feel.  My psychiatrist says that this will pass when my 18 month old little girl gets bigger and my life changes again and I'm in a position to do things more easily than I can now.  I tried to commit suicide so many times I ended up in the mental ward at the local hospital for a while.  Before I was put on valium, as soon as I heard my little girl wake up in the morning and I knew I had to get up to her, I'd rush to the toilet with diarrahea from the anxiety of everyday life.  The valium lets me function on normal day-to-day life without getting so anxious I'm rushing to the toilet every five minutes.  I'm very numb to everything, but its better than the way I was.

[Venora Moonwind]

Go see your doc and tell what you are experiencing and go form there. In the meantime eat healthy reat regular and exercise at 30 min a day even if its just a brisk walk. this will help elevate your seritonin levels and help you feel better. take it one day at a time. Let me know how you are.
Love Venora