I think I have depression, but I'm not sure and need help?

[gmjkm16]

So, this has always been very confusing for me. A little background- I am a 19 year old college student, pre professional dancer, photographer and straight A student. My mom deals with severe depression and anxiety and has been on medication for as long as I can remember, but dealing with that as a kid definitely hasn't been the easiest, and perhaps that has something to do with my own mental health. Anyways, for as long as I can remember I was always a super imaginative kid, always playing pretend and acting out scenarios in my head by myself, and I assume that's pretty normal for children to do, except it never really went away. I know self-talk is normal, and I definitely do that, but I am constantly still "playing out" scenarios in my head when I am alone- I'll be in a room by myself and pretend like someone is there and I'll whisper as if I am having a conversation with them. A conversation that I wish would happen in real life, or a person who I wish I was speaking to in real life. I guess I whisper because there's a subconscious level of me knowing that there obviously is no one really there, but it's not until I catch myself in reality and take a step back and think I'm actually going crazy. But I don't catch myself all the time. I'll be sitting on my couch or bed and imagine some person just walked into the room and I'll interact and talk to them as if they were there, and it seems 100% real when I'm in the moment but now thinking back at it, it's definitely not normal haha. I always thought maybe everyone was a little nuts when they were alone, and I guess that's what I'm here. It's been bothering me lately. I'll even often pretend that I'm not myself. I'll pretend I'm a completely different person interacting with someone they might know. It doesn't even have to be someone I know in real life. And the scenarios I play out in my head-- they seem completely and utterly normal, and it's not until I realize I'm just me, standing alone in my kitchen, talking to no one. Am I just hyper imaginative? That wasn't the main point of my question, but I wasn't sure if it all tied into the other things. In high school, I definitely had really bad social anxiety. It's not as bad anymore. Definitely not as prevalent. But I used to have anxiety attacks when I had to talk to people, I was afraid of large groups of people, I could not speak on the phone, I had to write out scripts and practice if it was necessary to speak to an adult or someone important on the phone, and my hands would shake and sweat. I was always extremely shy as a kid, and am still an introvert and quiet to a degree, but I'm in college now and have lots of friends and a totally normal and fulfilling social life and being in the dance world made me better at making connections and talking to people. But that's my background on social anxiety. I wasn't too sure about the depression thing until the past couple of years. I'll be totally fine until something just hits, or I wake up one day and it's like a giant mood swing. I'm irritable, get angry and lash out unnecessarily, don't want to see anyone or do anything, I lose my appetite, and just feel mopey and ****** in general. For no reason and it makes me frustrated because there's no reason I should feel like that. And I think that ties into a lot of it not being able to dance, because I go to school for dance and I live in New York City, so when I'm home for the summer and that drastic change of not having people everywhere or the stimulation of constant interaction and activity, being home and not being able to exercise puts me into a state of depression. And maybe it's as simple as that. I also have a history of eating disorders which rears its ugly head when I'm home with nothing to do. I'm happiest at school- with my friends, dancing from 8am to 10pm at night, in the city, independently responsible for doing my own things. And I am happy at home- I love seeing my family and getting time to relax and see my friends from home, but it drives me nuts that I have to feel like this. Why can't I just be motivated to get out of bed in the morning and go do things that would make me happy? Depression does strike occasionally when I'm at school too, but not as often. I still have anxiety but it's bearable. But the talking to people thing still gets me. I've been doing it as long as I can remember and definitely still do it at school. This was probably a lot of scattered information, but I think that's all I had to say, so any feedback or opinions or suggestions would be so so very much appreciated :) Thank you in advance!!!

[MM2929]

Buddy, it is perfectly normal to have conversations in your head, I could relate to your problems. Talk to your closest of friends, live with family and friends, work out regularly, these will definitely help you out.