I think I'm depressed, but I can't tell my mom.

[Ohmyastronomy]

Some time last month, my friend Bradon went to the guidance office in my school because he was feeling down, and he was told he had many signs of depression. On that same day, he told me so, and told me the signs that he has. Most of the ones he said I had also, but I didn't really think I myself could have depression, because I felt pretty content, or I just wanted to block it out. But after that, I started to realize that I may actually have it. I'm a freshman in highschool, with a good amount of friends, I laugh and smile and have a pretty decent time at school. I'm not really stressed, and I don't particularly feel sad or down all the time. I feel extremely exhausted, even if I good amount of sleep. I used to go to bed around 11pm, and wake up at 6:45am. But now, I go to bed at 8:45pm or 9pm, I end up waking up around 6:15, and throughout the day, my eyes feel extremely sore and heavy. It feels like my eyelids are wanting to almost close. When I get home from school, I'm already so tired that by the time I get into bed I feel like I'll never wake up. My appetite has also gone down, yes my stomach still growls and I know when I'm hungry, but it's like I'd rather sit and do nothing than get up and get a snack or eat dinner. In my house, my older brother works, so my mom doesn't cook every single night, and since she works till 4pm cooking all day, I can understand why. So a few time a week I just make a bowl of rice for dinner. At school I eat normally, but I end up throwing away a good amount. Before, I would go home and eat a snack and then eat dinner a few hours later, but now it's like if I'm not uncomfortable from being hungry, I won't eat. Also, my motivation has sunk down a pit. I usually tend to draw every single day, but whenever I start something, I feel like it's not worth the time and I can finish it another time. That's how most of my things go, I don't finish it unless I need too immediately. My music before would always give me some sort of inspiration, but now I don't feel anything from it. I listen and don't receive and emotion from it (if that makes sense). I've been snapping a lot at my mom for the stupidest reasons, but I end up forgetting why I was made while still being mad at her. I don't really feel happy, or sad. I can honestly say I don't feel much except for anger. I can have good days and laugh and smile, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy, just that something can make me perk up a bit. I'm not suicidal nor do I have any intent on doing ANYTHING of that sort, I enjoy living my life, my currently in just worried for my emotional state. I can't exactly talk to my mom about this, because in terrified. I feel like she'll just tell me I don't and brush it off, or just send me off for therapy (which I have had before for trauma but I hated it). I can't talk to my school guidance counselor because Im scared to go alone, and my friend Brandon doesn't seem to want to come down with us. If someone could let me know what's going on that would be great, I just want to make sure that it's depression or something serious before I talk to my mom about finding a solution.

[ggreg]

Hi OhMy, I think I know what is wrong, and I don't believe it is depression, rather I think you are not getting enough energy from food.  If you do not eat breakfast, then buy a box of cereal already sweetened and a half-gallon of milk, some OJ, put it in your refrigerator and eat that every morning.  As for lunch, whether you like it or not, eat everything they give you in the cafeteria.  That way, at dinner, you can just make even a sandwich with whatever is in the frig, drink a little milk, swig a little OJ.  This will give you plenty to eat, and I'll bet you will have better sleep patterns, feel more like doing stuff all day, and find being social is fun again.  Give us some feedback.  GG

[Ohmyastronomy]

I've also noticed that I've become more distant with my friends. I try not to make plans, and I avoid talking to then in facebook or on anything that I can contact them with. So I usually spend time alone in my room staring  at nothing, which isn't fun but it's like I can't do anything else.