when i was 7 my dad passed away, that's when it all kicked off. i became very isolated and i was scared to go outside.i am13((soon turning 14)) and everything seems to be getting worser.my mother started drinking,taking drugs etc.she doesnt do it anymore but just thinking about her starting doing it all again makes me scared.I can't stay focussed on work in school thats why my grades are pretty bad. i used to see the school therapist every two weeks just because i needed to speak to someone.I tried commiting suicide when i was 12 because i couldnt cope with it all.Now that im nearly 14 i found better ways of coping with my saddness such as drinking/smoking.I know i sound very bad.I try not to drink or smoke because i know that it might lead to bad things.Most people seem to drift away from me because i am a "problem" like one of my ex bestfriends called me. I am very short tempered and irritable.It is very easy to offend me and make me sad. Even a thing like "oh your make up is a bit smudged" offends me.I absoloutely hate going outside, i hate reality,i hate people ,i hate everything.
I'm scared of people,they all seem evil and scary.
I don't dounbt that you have some depression issues but to me it sounds more like PTS (post traumatic stress), or it may even be PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
I think the best thing you can do is try to continue with the counseling. Depression works a little differently than PTSD. The symptoms you are describing with the anger and fear sound a lot like PTSD. I have it myself from my 2 deployments to combat zones and to offer you some peace of mind I will say that through therapy I was able to lesson the frequency and severity of my symptoms.
Please don't hurt yourself. You can come on here and vent or get support. We are not liscensed therapist but we know what it is like to have depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental issues.
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