Is it really worth it anymore?

[needingsomething]

A while back I posted about my situation and how my pastor and his wife was trying to help me. My pastor's wife was even going to go with me to the doctor. Well it's been 3 weeks since she said she was trying to get me an appointment, and well I haven't heard anymore about it. She use to call and ask me how I was doing atleast once a week, and well she has quit doing that. I am not sure I don't know if I have made her mad or something.. I don't know of anything I have done, but she barely will talk to me now. It's like she doesn't care anymore. I don't know what to do, because the last thing I want is to make her mad at me, to even think she is upset with me makes me more upset, and makes me think its just not worth it anymore. I have had some good days over the last few weeks, but I still have my bad days.. All I want to do is run and either start over where no one knows me or just give up. I don't know what to do anymore.. to think that the only 2 people in this world who I think cares about me has just given up on me and does not care about me anymore makes me think is any of this really worth it. I just wish I could take back these last few months, I wish they never knew anything about me and my situation. I don't know what to do anymore.. I just don't care about myself anymore. I wish life was different. How can I make this situation right?

[TPaige22]

I'm so sorry I hadn't responded to your 2/18 post.  I thought I would get an alert or something if somebody posted and apparently I don't have my settings on right.  In any case, I am glad that you found this Bible Study and I am glad that you feel like living--this is a major improvement.  God is indeed good.  HOWEVER--I must stress that 9DodgeFan is right.  "..it would still be a good idea to go to a doctor/psychiatrist and see if they would recommend trying medicine and/or talk therapy...".  I will be a little bolder than 9DodgeFan about this I think because I have been hardheaded about it in the past and suffered the consequences of putting this off.  I remember talking to a pastor when I was feeling better and I told him I believed "God had healed me"--He --being wiser and more practical than I, suggested I see a doctor.  I was extremely offended, thought that he was diminishing the work that God had done in my life and that he did not believe in miraculous healing.  Well, guess where I ended up--yes, the hospital again, once my neurotransmitter levels dipped again and I had no explanation for what was happening to me because I was not PRACTICALLY educated in what these feelings are about.  I believe in miraculous healing, but I am now ABSOLUTELY SURE that it has not happened to me and many people who are depressed go through times that they feel better but the fight is not over.  See a doctor and KNOW MORE about what you are dealing with--because the Bible shows you the path but YOU MUST WALK IT.  If you can't talk to your pastor or his wife, that is fine, in my opinion--just find someone you CAN talk to and DO IT ASAP.  NO ONE I've ever heard of has successfully fought this alone--or even just "them and God".  It takes other people, other humans who know what depression is and how to treat it.  Do not let faith become a substitute for practical, wise action.  Hopefully I am not beating you over the head too much--I just have seen people suffer because they think that getting a doctor/counselor is the last thing they need to do instead of the first.  Until the faith community catches up to the reality that there is a biological element to these disorders that must be addressed in the natural realm, you've got to work with the faith base AND the clinical helping fields in order to get what you need.

[9DodgeFan]

Wow, I just checked to see if there was anything new here, and I must say your last post here made my day!  It's great to hear that things are going quite a bit better for you.  Not that I don't believe that the devotions can do things for you (I am a strong believer that we CAN lean on God in difficult situations), but I think it would still be a good idea to go to a doctor/psychiatrist and see if they would recommend trying medicine and/or talk therapy... just a suggestion!  Anyway, it's fantastic to hear that you feel like LIVING!!!!!  Hopefully once you get through this God can use you to help other people in similar situations.  Take care, and please keep us updated!

[needingsomething]

Since my post I have went through a lot of emotions. During my last post and even the weeks to follow I got so down and out, but on the outside I try to make it seem that I was ok. I actually took off of work last week because I just couldn't stay there and I went home and went to bed. During that time I came to the realization that I had two choices I could either give up and continue feeling and doing what I was doing or I could try to change my life. From that day on I have been doing a Bible Study: Breaking Free by Beth Moore it has helped. This Bible Study makes you look at your life, and also look back at the stuff you have been through, but it makes you find positive of everything you have gone through.  But I still have my days, and I have not talked to my Pastor or His wife yet, but I will. I am actually thankful for theses past few weeks because it took that to wake me up. I still have a lot to deal with, but atleast I want to live now and not die! Thank you all for your support. I am thankful and very blessed to have found this site and to know that there are people out their dealing with the same thing. Thank you for your honesty and love. I am thankful that God loves me no matter and that He will never leave me!!!

[jo929]

I would talk with them both, and find out just why why they dropped you, and then i would change churches, if you cannot talk with your pastor, at least he should tell you to your face    lots luck jo there are people that really care, and will try to help hang in there

[dhylles]

God is very good all the time and i have to agree with TPaige22 and Melissa0116. God is always here for us no matter what but we also have to depend on ourselves as human beings and learn to fight in a positive way and learn to love ourselves a bit more in this life. there are many people who i feel i could have spoken to and asked for help with my depression but the fact of the matter is that not everyone understands what you are experiencing if they have never been through it. i am glad you are on this site because it has helped me and i know it will help you and God put us all here to assist each other for a reason. i have learned to put him first and to take care of me before i can take of everyone else because we give so much in this world to people and we tend to put them first before ourselves and at the end of the day you will feel that no one is here for you and you will feel alone and that no one understands. So please surround yourself with positive people who have been through this before and they  will be able to help you and give you the information and insight on how to go about getting help. I agree that your pastor and his wife does care but since they have never experienced this before they may have very well been afraid to give you the wrong information. love them unconditionally and just know that their intentions were good. God bless everyone here and reading the bible helps as well. Psalms 23, 121 and 139 helps me alot. Just passing along some sisterly love.

God bless...

[Melissa0116]

I totally agree with Tpaige22 that some churches and religions do not accept depression as a problem and say that if you had faith and pray these symptoms would never have been an issue.  

I used to got to a church where they did not belive in add, adhd or depression.  When I had gone to the pastor to discuss these issues they told me that it was just in my head.  They told me that I was crazy and that all I needed was their church and pastor to help me.  I since left that church.  They told me that this was a sin to be on meds and that nothing was going to help me unless I made a commitment to go off the meds and trust in God to heal me.  They were referring to their pastor not God.

God does totally heal you from illnesses, but you also need to believe in yourself.  God believed in himself and that he could heal man or woman.  If he did not believe in himself, we would have never been created.  

If you do not feel that your pastor and his wife are not reaching out to you then you need to speak to them about your feelings.  Support from your pastor and wife is important and if this is  lacking then maybe their beliefs in God and helping others is not their top priority.

The church I attend now has support groups for women and men and the challenges that we all face in our daily lives.  Maybe, finding a church that has this is the right place to start.

I do not think that your pastor and his wife do not care.  I think that they just do not have the knowledge or understanding on how to deal with this or help you.  

We taught children's church at our old church and the way we were treated at that church was like we did not belong.  We were their to support and love the children as well as teach them what the bible is about.  Leaving those children was the hardest thing that we ever had to do.  I knew that we needed as a family to find the support that we needed.  Eventually we found our home and guess what, the children from the old church, a few of them, were at the church we go to now.  God is good.

God bless

[TPaige22]

Sorry I'm in late on this too....

I just wanted to let you know that I dealt with something very similar about 14 years ago now.  I was feeling very strange and sad and did not know what to do.  At the time I was considered a "model" Christian, and everybody thought I was oh so spiritual or whatever--but internally I knew something was wrong.  I went to the people I trusted most that were nearby--my pastor and his wife.  They said they would get me in touch with a counselor, but they told me I needed to "relax" and that I was over-thinking things.  I tried to call, asked about how the process was going, letting them know I thought I really needed a counselor.  They continued to assure me for weeks (which I'm pretty sure turned into months) that they would find me a counselor they trusted.

Eventually, I had suicidal thoughts and ended up checking into the hospital.  Who was the first person I called?  My pastor's wife.  I wanted her to know what the results of them not taking my concerns seriously had been.  She seemed shocked and apologized, but in doing so had revealed what I needed to know---I guess, seeing the surface of who I was, or who I seemed to be--they didn't really think my problem was that serious.  When it comes to depression, we are our own best allies.  As prevalent as the problem can be, so many people are still in denial that depression even exists, especially in religious communities, that many would sooner just not address it.  Some still say it is a "spirit" rather than an illness and that a true Christian need address it only through prayer.  This is false.  People who need glasses don't pray to God until they can see again--they go to lenscrafters.  People who are depressed should not just pray until they feel they can handle life again--they need PROFESSIONALS who can be there to HELP them handle it.  I do believe your pastor and his wife wanted to help you, and that they care about you, but I do believe they are making it apparent that they don't know HOW to help you, or I think they would have prioritized differently.  GET yourself to a health professional AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Bottom line.  God will be there with you even if it seems as though no one else has the time or inclination.  You must take care of YOU now.

God bless

[9DodgeFan]

Sorry to get in so late on this one....  Anyway, I don't think it's the case that they don't care about you anymore.  I suppose it's possible that she was getting frustrated because of not knowing how to deal with things.  Or maybe they've had other things come up that needed their attention.  There are probably other people in need of their care & advice, too.  Please don't give up!  Like LCC said, it would really help for you to be able to let a doctor (or preferably therapist) know what's going on.  And if I remember you correctly, I believe you said you were afraid you would not be able to talk when you go to see him/her.  If that's the case, write down what you're feeling.  Keep a journal of your thoughts, and show that to him/her.  But please don't give up, give people the chance to help you!

[LeftCoastChick]

Sometimes when you rely on certain people, it overwhelms them. In the case of your pastor and/or pastor's help, they aren' trained therapists. You need to get the courage to go to your doctor/therapist/psychiatrist. You really need to have a pdoc on board. You need some medication to balance you out. Many of us self-isolate, for one reason or another. Once you get balanced out it will be easier for you.

[therese83]

life is very hard and they might have found it too much.  I am just trying to see their point of view.

It may be too negative for them, like maybe they were too worried about you and spending a lot of their thinking time on it.  I am 100 per cent sure they have their own problems.

You have to look after you. Please do not wait for someone else to take you to the doctor.  Take yourself to the Doctor, good luck to you + maube you can be friends again but dont tell them your problems because they cant ake it.  I am being direct and honest + i hope this helps

[pax1000]

hi, with me it's compassion for myself...lots of love and compassion for myself...we can't always count on getting this from others...we can't always count that other people will "save us"...they have a hard enough time saving themselves...just look upon these people as being human, with the same frailties that we have ourselves...they might think that they weren't helping you as much as they would of liked, so they got frustrated with the situation...it's not always about us, maybe they have other things that came up, or whatever, I try not to compare my *insides* to other people *outsides*...in that I have no idea what's going on with *them* I have a hard enough idea what's going on with me...lol....there are plenty of other people out there...sometimes it's up to us to reach out...people can't always come to us...there are support groups, many things we're we can reach out to others, and even help others if we can...after my long life, I do realize that no one can help me like myself sometimes...so I get crackin...lol....these are just my thoughts on this stuff, best to you...