Just Lost

[Krys13]

I'm just depressed, I guess. All I feel like doing is sleeping.  I can't figure out why I am this way.  I know I'm sleeping because I'm depressed, but I don't understand why I am so depressed.  I was laid-off from a good job, but I found some part-time work & am receiving unemployment.  I manage to pay the bills, even though it doesn't leave any left over for anything else.  My debt is really high, but I'm surviving.  I was honestly miserable at my last job, but I hate the idea of having to try and change my whole life again.  I've been on this rollercoaster of depression since I was just a little kid and everything they've tried giving me doesn't work.  I'm beyond thinking about suicide, I just feel completely apathetic to everything.  It doesn't help that I have no real family ties (everyone in my family hates eachother) and my only good relationship is with my wife, but even that gets tedious to me sometimes.  I've been to tons of psychologist and only half of them believe me about my family life (and usually they only do after meeting my mother), I know deep down that this is a deep wound that keeps torturing me, but I though I was over it for the most part.  I found myself in tears the other trying to explain to my wife that being a part of her family isn't the same as if I had my own family, it's just not so easy as that.  I'm only 23, but I've managed to (in the past) have a high paying job, (currently) own a home, a car, & a lot of those little things you take advantage of so easily when you have money.  I've worked my *** off to get what I have, I'm managing to hang on to it, but I still am not happy. I feel like I'm just lost. What in the world am I suppose to do? I just want to sleep forever!

[whodunnit]

Hi,

Your situation is actually very common, albeit the pain you have is so deep you cannot imagine anyone else suffering it.

You've seen a lot of psychologists and some don't believe you? That's is bad behaviour, by them. A psychiatrist will possibly help but the truth is you really already know most of the reason you are depressed.

A psychiatrist will prescribe meds whcih may enable you to be more active and be more capacble of productive counselling.

I have no doubt at all that talk therapy is what you need to resolve your problem.

The loss of job, money and status is surely a big trigger for a depressive period as it lowers your entire image of yourself. But focus on what you have written here. That is, you were unhappy in that last job.

You've done that sort of job now so you know you can do it again, in the future.

The key to resolving your problems, I believe, is in talking to those family members that you can. If you hate them all and they hate you is will be hard but it is the most productive pool of information you can find. They will be able to confrim your feelings about things that happened and add to them. Once you get that sort of confirmation you experience what is tritely known as "validation". SImply put, you KNOW your feelings are valid and everything starts to fall into place.

You begin to see you are punishing yourself for the failures of others and that needs to stop,

Talk to them carefully though and I would suggest you think your entire experience with family through first. Then make a list of what you want to know or have confirmed. What I mean here is if you remember X happening and you confront the person who did it they will simply deny it and raise more doubyts in you. So don't confront the responsible person. Talk to others first who can verify what happened so you KNOW the truth.

In the end you won't need to confront the perpetrators as you will kow the truth and once you do then you can start to rely on and trust yourself again.

Do you follow? This is best done with the aid of a counsellor but if you can't find one you trust at least start it on your own.

DO not expect this to be easy. You will be delving into your memory and may drag things up you know about but have pushed away. I don't mean abuse etc but it could be. Have support available so they can help you if you do become distressed. In this regard a shrink may be valuable.

Rest assured also that by far the highest proportion of depressions do emanate from early childhood where we learn what our parents show us, regardless of what it is. We absorb it and think it's normal.

Good luck and don't hesitate to ask about this. I did it all myself and got through it in the end. You don't want to avoid it like I did, believe me, as it will just keep living and growing in you until you act.

[mammo]

Remar's advice is excellent.  There are so many families where people just can't seem to get along, so know you're not alone with that.  It's sad but true.  You sound like you have a lot on the ball, and have worked very hard to achieve all you have.  Plus, in this economy you still found part-time work and are still paying your bills, that says a lot about the type of man you are!  You mention psychologists, have you seen a psychiatrist?  For a professional to not take you seriously is wrong.  You mention having problems as a kid, and it sounds like you've not received the exact care needed for whatever reason.  Often we don't know why we're depressed, a psychiatrist is best at diagnosing your problem, helping you to work thru your issues, and prescribing the appropriate medication for you.  Sometimes depression can be a chemical imbalance.  But from what you say, there have been and are problems within your family, and this alone can be what's bothering you and has been for some time.  As much as you want to have the close knit family, it may never happen.  But you do have a wife who loves you and is family.  Right now you need to get better, you're young and it's sounds like the sky is the limit for you.  You've persevered thru so much adversity, so you have a lot of potential.  May I suggest that you find a psychiatrist, and if you aren't comfortable with one, see another, you need to feel comfortable with your doctor and know that they do take you seriously, and want to help.  Sometimes families just aren't as we wish they were, and we have to move on with what we do have and concentrate on this.  I have been exactly where you are, and I had a big decision to make regarding my feuding family.  See a psychiatrist to help you sort thru all this, he may prescribe medication to help you also.  Although you're doing well with finaces, it's the family issue that's really weighing you down. Being depressed makes you want to sleep all the time.  I hope you can get help and better understand all that is going on.  Maybe others here who have had problems within their families can offer more advice.  Know you're not alone with this, we are always here to offer support, and listen.  I think the holidays just make situations like this worse. Take care....

[remar]

You did go through a huge life change when you got laid off from your job. I can see why that would depress you.
Not having a good family relationship is a sad thing. Sometimes you have to let go and move on. Have you really tried getting close to your wifes family? You might be surprised at how close you become.
You know, I can understand about jobs, money and material things. I'm much older than you and I've realized that they don't matter at all. Of course we need food and a roof over our heads. You are making it and you are able to pay your bills. Give yourself credit for that.
Take care. Remar