spiralling into depression

[scaredjo]

hi guys im so worried im going to end up in a deep depression, i suffer with severe anxiety over my heart and get symptoms every day, the docs have given me loads of tests which have all come back normal and re-assurance but i cant snap out of it. on bad days im so down i just sit on my sofa afraid to move incase my heart packs up im too afraid to take meds cause of the side - effects. i feel im wasting my life i cry a lot and feel frightened every day all day. i hate being this way but until my heart symptoms go i cant get out of it. my family are suffering and getting really tired of the way i am. i cant even talk with my husband anymore over it, cause he paid for me an echocardiogram but made me promise that once it was normal i would be normal too but it hasnt happened, im still suffering, i have been having CBT since february and that hasnt helped me
i just dont know what to do anymore

[birdie0907]

Why would you not drinking spoil his fun? My spouse doesn't expect me to drink when we go together to a drinking location.
I didn't lose control with the meds, because I remained the same person I was before the depression. In fact I gained control of my life back, because with the depressive cloud hanging over me it was not possible even to work efficiently, although my employer didn't ever find out how much of every minute was wasted fighting a wall of grey.
Your first post indicated you are spending a lot of time fighting something that you can't understand, so hopefully the meds will help. It may help if you read or get counseling, but what I read said you can't come out of deep depression without meds. I also think it said that the longer you let it go, the deeper it will go, and 1 big depression gives you 50% chance of another which gives 90% of another. I will take another as it comes, if it comes.
You can always try another med if it isn't right for you. It is best to talk to your pharmacist about side effects and what to expect for relief, timelines etc.

[scaredjo]

hi thanx for your support, the doc has prescribed cipralex (escitalopram) but im scared to take them, i cant explain why its the side effects and if there bad i hate feeling that im not in control. has anyone any experience with this med? i also have to be careful cause my hubby loves going out at weekends, i think its his escape from me!!! i enjoy going out but with meds you cant drink and i cant spoil anymore of my hubbys fun our marriage is in tatters.

creston1966 im from lancashire!!! its ok living here its just the weather that gets me down, its always raining i would much rather live in the USA i visited florida and thought it was amazing, maybe one day you`ll get to visit, i live in a tiny village you can walk from one end to the other in ten minutes lol

[birdie0907]

I read that something like 50% of people who suffer a depression have another bout, and of those, about 90% have another one. Your feelings that you have heart problems may not in the long run be the big problem they are causing now, but perhaps they over-exaggerated ability to wear you down due to your present frazzled state.
So it is best to fight it if that is what your doc thinks you have. This book said only meds can bring you out of a depression, unless you are one of a tiny group of exceptional people that can find a mental way to block it out.

[birdie0907]

I think I felt as bad as you do but in a different way. I started Celexa in Feb and it worked well. It blocked all the unhappiness that was impossible to fight for the 4 previous months.
My doc said I needed the drug to make me remember what it was like to be happy. He was right, but after a great spring, summer and fall. I am ready to go off it.
I have been so happy since Feb that I had my pharmacist confirm it can't make you happy - it just wipes out sadness.
If your doc recommends meds, try them, because lots of people don't get side effects, and they probably can't be as bad as the unhappiness that you are living with that can become long term. My doc said they are not addictive so you are not signing away your freedom.
Meds are more like the brain equivalent of an immune system boost, and hopefully just a temporary boost. I would be happy to live with Celexa the rest of my life, but it isn't needed any more so that is why I am quitting.

[creston1966]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.  It is frustrating.  I say hang in there and fight.  Maybe some medications would help....worth trying.   Sometimes we work against ourselves and when we're too focused on our self we it seems worse.  We get anxious, then we feel more anxious about being anxious.  It's a vicious cycle.  Do you exercise much?  It may help some.  

FYI--I am originally from Lancaster, PA, USA.  Named after Lancashire, England.  My heritage is from the UK.  Wish I could visit there some day.  Been to Europe (mainland), but never the UK.  My grandparents on fathers side were first generation Americans, immigrating from Scotland.   Do you like living there?


Creston

[ILADVOCATE]

You shouldn't be afraid to take medications because of side effects. The side effects of anti-depressents are relatively tolerable and manageable. Why don't you find out more information by looking up the website "Depression Central".