Lying is ruining my life!

I'm 21 years old and have been a pathological liar for as long as I can remember. I lie to everyone about everything. I will make things up to make a point, to be part of a conversation, or just for no reason at all, and it all seems to come second nature to me, to the point to where now I don't even know what has been a lie and what hasn't.
It started out as being little lies but now it has become worse, lying about important things and hiding things from the people that I love. Now this has caused me to lose the man I wanted to marry. I know I need to get help, but I'm not sure where to turn or if there is even any hope for someone like me.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is there any hope that, if I can get better that I might be able to get the love of my life back? Can I even get better?
I'm so lost right now, please someone help me!

[failure399]

There is hope.
You have just made the first step to recovery admitting you have a problem.( thats the hardest bit).
The next step is to go and see a doctor who can refer you to a therapist.
It is a habit that you havn't grown out off.
A lot of children lie to make there life look better because they want to fit in, for example 'my dad has a bigger car, i got a better bike etc.
It can also be attention seeking, you want people to like you but you need to love yourself first.
Were you the youngest child? Are you from a broken home?
There can be lots of different reasons.
Its sad that you lost the love of your life..
You may not get your man back, but you will be a better person,( true friends should never lie).
All habits can be broken.
good luck

[reflectinggod87]

Thank you for your response.
I'm actually the oldest child, but my dad and I had major problems when I was growing up. I felt like I had to lie to avoid being harshly punished, and looking back on it, he was just way too harsh on me as a child. Other than that I can't think of any cause for my actions.
I want to get help for me, but I also can't bear the idea of losing him over this problem. Everything else was so perfect! But I'm unsure if he even believes me now that I've said I know I have a problem and I do want to change. I'm not sure what to say to him or even how to approach him to ask for forgiveness. Any suggestions?

[failure399]

Tell him your very sorry, you realize you have a problem, you are going to seek help and you would appriciate his support.
If he really loves you he will be there for you.
He could be useing the lie as an excuse to finish things but you said everything else was perfect,
Don't blame you dad, blame will only make thing worse.
I understand you lied because he was so strick, his father was probably the same.
You are a woman now and you now realize it is wrong.
My father was very stricked,he would hit us with his leather belt for not putting our shoes straight. I was a very good child i was so scared of him.
Saddly he died when i was 12, i still miss him loads, im 41 now.
I think he may of had ocd,
I have, I dont blame him but you need help.
You may have children one day and you would hate it if they lied to you.
Brake the chain, its not what happens to us, its how we deal with it that matters.
It may be a reason but never an excuse.
Keep me posted
good luck.

[reflectinggod87]

Well, I tried to tell him I'm sorry, and of course he doesn't believe me, I wish there was a way to prove that  to him because I have never felt so sorry in my life.
But he says even if I do get help and I do change, he still will never take me back because I lied to him. I'm not sure what to do, I need to do this for myself but it's going to be really hard without him. I can only hope that he will change his mind, because I do want to be able to be honest with him more than anything!

[gina09]

While it's great you have admitted and realized you have this habit/problem, I am worried that your focus is all on this man.  Understand that you may never, ever get him back. (he has said as much) Try and operate on that possibility and get help for yourself.

If you continue to apologize, call him, etc., I am certain that you will only be pushing him farther away, an he may end up thinking that you have even more problems.

Try and understand his side - I am sure he is hurting too. He must feel terribly betrayed, devastated and brokenhearted. He probably feels like a fool, and that your whole relationship was based on a foundation of lies.  Quite frankly, he would be an idiot to take you back right now. You need to get help FIRST. Admitting it is the first step, but PLEASE see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist to get to the bottom of it.

You must be in so much pain :(   You need to heal.  You deserve a better life.
I wish that for you. You are so young, and if you reach out and get the help you need, you can start a whole new life. One of honesty.  And when that happens, the right guy will come along.

[gina09]

Ok, your post says you are 21, but your profile says 41 ... are you lying here too or was that a typo?

[gina09]

Ooops, sorry - I was looking at the wrong profile, whoops! My posts are for reflectinggod87 ..

[reflectinggod87]

I know I make it seem all about him, but it's not. It's mainly that I just didn't see my problem as a real one until I lost him. I want help for me, but I only wish I would have done it sooner.
This is the second time I've lied to him (over something big at least) and I told him the first time it would never happen again, and I meant it too! I thought I could fix this myself, but I know now that I can't.
The age comment made me laugh! to be honest I needed a laugh, so thank you. I'm not that bad! I lie about some pretty dumb things, but not that dumb! :)
Well thanks for your post, it's nice to know there are people out there who will listen and not judge, it's not something I'm used to. Really. Thank you.

[kathwon6]

OMG I needed to read this, my boyfriend just broke up with me because he said he couldn't be with someone as dishonest as me, and that he thought that i was sick. And he's right...I think I am a pathological liar too. :'( I lie about the STUPIDEST things, and i realize now that it's all because of shame and the embarassment I would feel if he knew the truth. Or at least that's how I feel... I come from a super dysfunctional family and I have dealt with depression, suicidal attempts, the death of a best friend and even an abortion...so obviously I'm a nut case and I know that I'm hard to love and be with. But I loved this guy so much and I know he loved me. He took care of me like you wouldn't believe. And I'm not obsessed with him or anything, I know this isn't the end of the world, but I love him and my heart is broken.

How do I gain his trust back? He said who knows, if like three months down the road things change, well who knows. So I want to change and not just for him, I don't want to be a liar for the rest of your life. Do you think there is any chance we can get back together? I want to be honest, and I have decided to go for help. I already have a therapist and I guess we can just add this to the list of problems. :P

But seriously, I have lied so much to him I don't know if it'll ever be ok. And it's not even like it's anything big...but stupid things, like where I live..I pretended to have a nicer lifestyle than I did...and yes I even lied about my age...I'm 20...but he thought I was 21 and I mean I have a legit fake so we could drink in bars and he never questioned that. But I mean I know the truth always eventually comes out, but I always was like I'll eventually tell him...but he found out on his own...and he's just like it all just added up...and he can't do it anymore.

I have decided to do the NO CONTACT with him because I want to get help and change and be happy with me and than maybe he will also forgive me...and I think the hard thing is that he really IS an amazing guy, I have a track record of just being with idiots and he is the first real nice guy I've ever been with and we've been friends for years too and I love him..also my first love...so I can't hate him because he hasnt done anything wrong. This is all on me..what do I do?

[ammelia102]

i am 19 years old turning 20 in 1 month..I think i am a pathological liar,I was verbally and physically abused by my mother since the age of 4 till 16 when she threw me out onto the street..told me shes doing it to teach me a lesson in life and that i will be grateful,When i was 9 she was diagnosed with manic depression and schizophrenia,which made my life difficult,She had my baby sister in 2001,where her depression became worse,i have tried to commit suicide,but stopped trying when my uncle(moms brother) hung himself on sep 6 2003, I cant face the truth,never could i remember as a child that whether i told the truth or lied i would still get punished,i have never grown out of that,i am still scared i lie about myself to make myself look interesting,to fit in,..I have been with the same guy for 3 years now,he is so amazing in every way..I use to lie to my father so much for my mother,she always made me steal money from my father,until the day my father caught me and he handled it in a fatherly  
manner,it all started with me lieng to my father for my mom,if i dont stop i will lose my finance,i am so afraid..i hate myself so much,i need help,i have never seen a doctor or therapist,i want to stop lieng my way out of things,i want to stop running away, how does one forgive yourself,how do people forgive me?

[Yaarh]

I am 22 years old. I never thought about it before but my whole life is a lie, I'm gay and have been acting straight for too long, my friends know now, but our relationship is so weird, I still lie to them and tell them I'm okay and I'm going to school etc, but I don't like what I am doing, and  It's really hard to hang out with them as I have nothing to tell, I've just wasted so much time and now I have no real friends and it's impossible to find new ones cos I have nothing to offer, my story is so bad + I can't concentrate on conversations cos I always think about this, and I realize people know much more then me...  I think I'm ugly, I'm constantly depressed, find no joy in things I used to, I lack energy, and I can't date, don't even know how or where to start...

Why didn't I realize I was on a downward spiral before... I can't stop thinking about the past and I can't start living a new cos every new relationship is built upon your personality which is a reflection of your past.. which mine *****.. and I have no real excuse except being bullied a lot in school and high school... back then I didn't care too much cos I thought it started a new next year so I just postponed everything.

I feel like I should be a child to try again, I love to be childish and fool around, but I'm stuck in a grown up world..
I know I have to be honest again, but what am I to tell..."yeah I have no friends and no real experience in life I just realized and now I'm suicidal... wanna hang out?"

I even find comfort in suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to because I used to love living and I know how good it can be, but I see no way out and I feel it is too late..

[nursegirl6572]

You've posted your comments on a really old thread.  You'll get a lot more input (if you are looking for it) if you create your own thread.