reassurance anybody else felt the same

[richtaz32]

I feel dispare today and pray this is a nightmare. I saw my fiance last night and broke down again, I woke up this morning feeling the same as yesterday with worry and constant feeling that my feelings and love have all gone from my fiance,although i dont care etc about others around me my fiance feelings are killing me more than anything. I cant sleep i cant stop them I am getting confused i have head aches over it and keep crying. I try to get re assurance that its just me depression. i try to think that well two weeks ago you were fine to her and now nothing. she looked frightened to death of loosing me. I look for hugs from my mum and she just says stop crying. the only person who offers hugs is my fiance but i have no feelings and it kills me :(

[4Maddie44]

So sorry to hear how you are feeling.  Most of us have been at the bottom of the pit.  I know there is nothing I can say at the moment that will make you feel better.  I really hope you get some positive help on 29th.

Make sure you have a long talk, tell him all these feelings, and don't leave surgery until you get some positive feedback.

[richtaz32]

things are going from bad to worse. I am right at the bottom of the pit again. I am struggling at work and i have lost feelings for everyone. no one i care about. I am seeing specialist on 29th and all i can see is her saying put the drugs up again. My fiance and i are on our last legs. feels like i have lost or. has anybody had the sad feeling of that you have lost a loved one through death although you know they are perfectly well and alive etc. I just really dont know what to do anymore or how i feel. find it hard to determine whats my illness or not. Help!!

[4Maddie44]

ridding gave you some good avice.  Could be that the anti depressant you are on is not the right one for you.  I have tried many, with various results.  Some made me agressive, some gave me strange physical symtoms, and some made me suicidal, and made me ten timnes worse.

Talk to your doctor.

Hope things are beginning to get better for you.

[Meeshell36]

ask your mum to buy the books in the 'black dog' series - they are very helpful... and might help her to understand

[richtaz32]

well its been nearly three weeks now and i have only had 3 days where everything is normal and i mean normal. but now a week on from that its back down hill. Have i platoed on venifalaxine? starting to give up

[richtaz32]

well i am bouncing up and down really. the mornings are better ie i dont wake up with the lingering feeling like i dont love my fiance which lasts all day. but i still get moments. long way to go i feel yet. this is the biggest fall i have had since i first went down 5 years ago.

[ridding]

Sorry to hear how you are feeling but please believe that with time and care it will all pass and you will feel better.  One question - do you think it may be your anti-depressents making you feel like this?  I have just stopped taking Wellbutrin as I felt really horrible - nasty, aggessive and like I didn't care about my husband any more at all.  I also felt lower and more depressed than before I went on it! I stopped and went onto an SSRI and in only a few days can already feel the difference in my feelings.  Talk to your doctor - if it is your medication you may want to consider changing it completely rather than increasing the dose.  

[tracya285]

How are you doing now?  Waiting for a med increase to take affect takes time.  Depression can be totally debilitating.  Hang in there and please make sure that you go and talk with a professional, it helps tremendously.
Keep us posted please.

[4Maddie44]

Hopefully you will get your old feelings back when the anti-depressants get into your system.  Give it time, and then see how you feel.

Don't give up yet.  I do so hope you feel better soon.  Depression is such an awful place to be.  I am so much better on medication.

Look after yourself, and let us know how you get on.

[richtaz32]

yeah i am on anti depressents just waiting for the increase to kick in.

[4Maddie44]

Hello, I am so sorry about your confusion over your girlfriend.  I do hope you work something out with her.  

Are you seeing a doctor, or taking anti-depressants?  You must get help.

[richtaz32]

thank you. I just hate it. sometimes at the mo i feel normal im laughing cuddling her etc then bang i go to kiss her and all the opposites come flooding back. then sometimes i dont care if i love her or not. Its so confusing etc.....

[4Maddie44]

I think you have a lovely girlfriend who wants to help you through tis.  I truly believe that you still love her, but the depression is telling you otherwise.

Talk everything through with her, and try to explain how you feel.  I am sure you will come out the other side of this depression.  Capegirl is right, I am sure, you will love her all the more.  Don't make any decisions whilst you are in a depression.  

Things are so bleak at the moment.  You are still in there.  I used to think another person  had taken me over, my thoughts were so different from my normal self.  Perhaps a break from the girlfriend is what you need, but please discuss it with her.  She sounds very supportive.

Take care, and let us know how you are doing.  We care.

[nav900]

hai
Please contact your nearest Psychiatrist and talk to him/her .There is no worng in talking.

thanks

[capegirlnoshoes]

Your Mum has the wrong idea, telling someone who's depressed to 'stop crying' is like telling an asthmatic to 'stop wheezing'.  
When I was depressed I had a best friend who was the only person who really stuck with me.  She was always there, and she defended me from all the horrible people in my school who mocked me for being '****** up'.  But I didn't care about her at all, in the depths of my depression.  I really didn't care whether she lived or died.  And it hurt me, though probably not as much as your lack of feelings for your fiance hurt you.  
The depressive episode is well over now, and I care about her more than ever.  
As subjective as feelings are, they all require certain chemicals in the brain to happen.  Happiness requires serotonin.  I think love requires serotonin and dopamine, and when you're depressed those chemicals really aren't available in the way they should be.  

In short, THIS IS JUST YOUR DEPRESSION, IT IS NOT YOU.  See a specialist and let them and your fiance help you through this.  When this is over, you will love her all the more for sticking with you through all this.