Severe mood swings...going from feeling OK to extreme anger/disgust

[fearfactor]

I have been having extreme mood swings.  I can go from feeling fine, not really happy, but just fine to extreme rage/anger and disgust with life in general.  It gets to the point where I just want to go home and lock myself in, not speak to anyone and just watch TV all day.  I can't concentrate on anything I'm doing at work.  I guess what has pissed me off today is my husband - he is so selfish.  We have been having financial difficulties and he lost his job a couple of weeks ago.  Well, I got my employer to hire him part-time at night so we don't have to put our kids in daycare (he can watch them in the daytime and me at night).  I thought that was a very generous thing for my employer to do.  Well, now my husband is talking about joining some dumb-ass kung fu group 2 nights a week and missing those hours of work and spending $75 a month on it.  Well, he already spends money on a gym membership and supplements for his various workouts, but now he wants to do this, too?  I have to wear raggedy WINTER clothes in the heat because I am still fat from having a baby and we can't even buy me any decent clothes to wear to work and I can't fit my pre-baby clothes yet.  I am just so sick of this.  I am about to tell him to just stay home and do his various little projects, workouts, etc. and I will just be the breadwinner - just don't hinder me!  I will have to get a weekend job but he ******* when I even mention it.  I am so sick of life.

[lnh2000]

I would like to know some thoughts on here. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now. When we first started dating he was sweet, kind-hearted and I loved being around him. I soon found out that he cannot stand any (ANY) hoildays including bdays, christmas, new years, valentines day, halloween. He has an emotional breakdown at the word hoilday even if it is just a noticed holiday (labor day, martin luther king day.. Anything! He can be happy one minute and angry and explosive the next. He is very selfish and thinks of only himself, His family and friends do not talk to him much because he makes everything about him. He is on xanax during the day because he gets so angry and mad at times. He has the worse road rage I have ever seen. He can be riding down the road and if anyone drives anything but how he does he will slam on his breaks and is ready to fight. He is in his 30's shouldn't someone know at that age that there are consequences to his explosive behavior. I think he is depressed with some kind of rage, aggression issue.. He is perscribed depression meds but doesn't want to take them because it makes him tired and sluggish all the time. It is sad when everyone tells him he needs to go take his "happy pill". He has no friends that he can truely depend on because he is the worse to the closest people to him. He hurts people around him and he knows he does. He told me that he has always been like this and it runs in his family. He believe his life and problems are #1 priority above everyone elses. He wants help but whenever anything is suggested he just blows up. I was marreid to a compulsive addicted husband for 6 years that was very emotionally abusive and brainwashed me as a teenage mom when I was 18. I don't think that it is healthy to be with someone so unpredictive with his actions and emotions. I have a 9 and 3 yo daughters and I feel like they are scared if not afraid of him. I want to help him become a better person to learn and control these feelings of outrage.. Please help!!!! Any advice???

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi Torchita,

Where does the bitterness come from? I know that my anger usually comes from a feeling of being lonely, over-looked and not worth anything or having someone that listens. When we're overwhelmed, of course we take things more personal than if we have the capacity to say/think: "Ok, that's your opinion. Now I do of course have my opinion and we will probably not agree."

I don't think saying nothing is a solution either. We all come from somewhere and being heard and included in discussions gives a sense of belonging.

A little bit from my years at the funeral agency and a little I have learned lately from acute care is:

Listen beyond the words. Does the other person express anger that is pointed towards me? Is it an expression of something else underneath, such as something that happened before we even met up?

Anger needs very little to sparkle up. It's like fire: Add oxygen or more material and it will definitely blush up.

The difference between being upset and angry is remarkable. I think one can allow oneself to be upset (still in control), but as soon as anger strikes, the control is lost.

Florena

[torchita]

im married for 24 yrs now & have grown children with a grand baby on the way now, my problem is im so unhappy that its effecting all the relation ships around me , i am full of anger & now so very bitter that i hurt every one closes to me , my own chidren are so sick of me & my husban waits till im asleep in bed befor he even walks into out front door , i hate being this way  & have tryed so hard to show my familey i love them , but i dont know how to be , my daughter sys i take every thing personal , i jst feel so lonely & over whelmed , i am at the point where im thinking about moving to another state , so i never hurt them again & they can live happy ,

[torchita]

i have always had probl3ms with my mouth , i wish i wasnt so honest & bold like i am it would prevent alot of problems , i just wish i coud let stuff roll of my back & not say a thing about anything.

[wayfarer]

I've found that when I get depressed (angry, moody, sick of life, and all that goes with it), I get self-centered. So I tend to think of myself but am less sympathetic toward others. I wonder if your husband might not have felt some depression over losing his job. Maybe he was being selfish (wanting things that make him feel better, like working out) for that reason. I'm guessing you would also have been able to be more sympathetic to his feelings if you weren't feeling depressed too. That's, to me, the scariest thing about depression: you end up locking yourself (physically and emotionally) into your own little world, and you end up losing perspective. This hurts our relationships and ourselves too.

I don't say this accusingly--just recognizing myself in some of the things you said. What I didn't do, in the past, when I had this heaviness: I didn't talk to anyone about it. That was my biggest mistake. Your sharing on this forum is a significant step. So talk about it--tell God, tell a trusted friend. Maybe even tell your husband. It sounds scary but really helps release the pressure and gets you thinking more objectively.

[fearfactor]

Don't worry about it, I am having a bad day, too!  Well, he decided *on his own* that he was spending too much and needs to concentrate on his work.  I am glad he decided that.  It isn't that I don't want him to be happy or do enjoyable things, it is just we need to straighten out our financial problems first.  I guess we can all be selfish sometimes, but that just really ticked me off.  I am still going through my bad mood swings.  Maybe it is hormonal, who knows?