Snap outburst with no memory of it.

[Heidi515]

Normally I can handle a lot but recently one evening my friend called me a bad name and for some reason I went off into an angry tirade completely directed at him at which point he got up to leave and I continued.  I have no memory at all of what I said.  I can't think of one thing except the last sentence before he left.  We have on occasion had disagreements where we voice each other's opinions sometimes escalating but never that bad or never calling hurting each other with verbal insults. It hasn't happened in so long.  I am very disturbed as he has calmly told me that I have said horribly hurtful, cruel things.  I honestly have no memory of this and I am frightened by that.  I can say I did feel an explosion of sorts at that one moment uncontrolled coming from inside me.  I have been under quite a bit of stress (workwise, etc) that I have been stuffing inside and feel perhaps it is related to that since I don't feel the punishment I put on him was not equal to the crime.  We have been friends 14 years.  Will this memory come back.  Why can't I remember this.  It is all very disturbing to me.  I am confused.

[boogieman]

Hello. Sometimes stress can manifest in such outbursts if it has been repressed for a while. If this is the case, you can take action to prevent future episodes. These include therapy, exercise, keeping a journal, as well as (and probably most importantly) talking to someone about the things that are causing you stress whether it be a friend or even on this site. Repression of negative emotions is not healthy and can even lead to physical problems as well. If nothing else, keep posting here- you don't have to do this alone- take care, GM

[Heidi515]

No I wasn't on either, except I may have taken some advil earlier in the day for a headache.  I rarely drink alcohol and had not that day and don't take any perscription meds.  I'm wondering if I had some pent up anger towards this person.  I still cannot remember it.

[boogieman]

Hi. Were you on any medications or drinking alcohol? GM