Something i've needed an answer to...

[northernbird]

At the age of 19 I guess i must have been suffering from depression, I was due to get married and my partner suddenlly ended our relationship, I remember it like it was yesterday and i'm now 32. the thing is i'm absolutely sure i had some sort of mental breakdown, I went into like a shock, and stayed that way for some time, i cried all day and all night, screamed and screamed, sat alone. didn't want to move, didnt want to live, just wanted to stay in bed, so i did. the feelings from that period of time in my life have always distressed me, the thoughts, dreams, and anguish, i felt i could never put into words, or tell anyone about.
I was living with parents at the time, but they just ignored me, and people said i was lazy. i couldn't talk, eat or function at all as normal. it lasted quite a long time, and i finally got out, but only to walk for miles and miles, aimlessly.
So i'm wondering if i should have had some sort of help, or if indeed it was some sort of breakdowm ?
Like i say, i've lived in fear of getting this way again, some times i worry it will come back. anyone with any thoughts, i'd like to know.

Thanks for reading

[mammo]

I don't think MMahon is saying there is no hope.  I think he is saying what I was, for her to still be thinking and worrying over this, it's obviously still with her, that maybe she never fully recovered.  Depression comes in varying degrees, and while one may look and feel like they've overcome a traumatic experience, in reality they may not have.  We're here to offer hope, but to also help the person in being honest in every way.  If she is so happy now, why so much thought about that incident and fear of her feeling that way again?  My depression was brought on by bereavement, and 12 years later it's still with me.  This is after much therapy and now I take a mild anti-depressant. I think she needs to ask herself "why" she is so fearful of this happening again.  Could be some old feelings that have been neatly tucked away are coming out, and if so, she needs to get help.  Everyone's different, and their depth of depression is different.  I wouldn't want to mislead her into a false sense of well-being if she has reason to be fearful of this happening again.

[MMahon]

Mammo is right on target with this.
In my, not so humble, experience I would say that you experienced a major depressive episode.   My guess is that anyone that suffers this type episode will probably continue to suffer from depression again in their life, but with treatment hopefully not so severely.
My experience is that the event that precipitates an episode like this is usually a significant 'life event'.  sometimes a good one!   What happenned first...the breakup or the depression??  
Significant 'life events' are extremely stressfull and our bodies ability to cope with stress are highly individual.  Try to realize this and that having a difficult time coping with it is a disablity not a weakness or shortcoming.  Like having a stroke or a car accident you have to seek
medical help and do whatever is necessary to get on with your life.
It is not easy and certainly not fun but isn't that the way life is?
Good luck and god bless.

[therese83]

You had a trauma, a shock.  Your reaction is probably normal for you and yes it could be some kind of breakdown.  But a breakdown can be a reaction to an event as you describe, but you got through it amazingly as it sounds like you had very little support.

It may not be ruling your life, but you are thinking about it and may benefit from some kind of counseling, or at least talking to someone in depth.

After bad things happen in life yes people react in this way.  You are a feeling human being and in other parts of the world you would have been comforted and taken care of and given time to recover.

My husband did the same to me after 25 years, he just left me with 4 kids.  There is little support, if he had died I could go into mourning, however my mourning I believe was deeper, because he chose to turn his back on me and the children.

It is destroying, but time heals and you have done well and I bet it has made you strong.

Good luck to you.

[mammo]

Only a doctor can answer this, and there are no doctors here.

[northernbird]

Believe me, i am not letting this rule my life in ANY way, i am now, vaery happy, with children, i just want to know if anyone who knows anything about mental health can tell me if it was some sort of breakdown.
Thank you.

[mammo]

Try therapy, where you can learn how to deal with this and get on with your life.  You are allowing this one, although devestating incident define who and what you are today.  You need to learn how to let the past go and no longer be a victim of it.  Things like this happen to everyone in life, but we have to learn to accept it and move on.  I know you're heart was broken, but it was better that it happened before the marriage than after and maybe kids involved.  You will one day find true love and happiness and will look back on this time and know why it happened, trust me on this.  You're life is passing you by, you deserve better than this!  Decide today that you are taking back your life and wil no longer be a victim.  I suffer from depression as well, and know how bad it can be.  But we have to decide to fight back, and realize that better times lie ahead.  Get going and get back in the game of life and living.  Don't be angry at your parents, they can have no idea what depression is like unless they experience it.  Sopme people think you can just pick up the pieces and move on, but sometimes this can be very difficult.  You're on the right track, keep going and talk to a therapist about all this.  You've endured a lot and still came out on top, you're obviously a very strong person.  You'll find lots of caring people here to share their stories with you and offer support.  Stay with us and we will help you get through this.  Take care.....

[Lynminx]

It sounds to me like no one ever gave you the skills to be able to deal with such a stressful situation. You just needed someone to talk to at the time. A good friend, a councilor...family member. A break-up is difficult to deal with, and even harder when you have made a commitment to get married.

I am almost 30, and have seen many people close to me suffer from different types of depression. Sometimes people don't know how to respond. And this may be why your parents ignored you. Not that that is a good excuse for them to ignore you when you were going through such a rough time in your life.

I have dealt with my own depression before. Through those times, I learned that I can control it. You need to talk to people about it. You are not crazy just because you were depressed. You need to build up self confidence and a positive outlook on life, and life will be easier to deal with. So that if you do feel some depression coming on, you can say to yourself "ok, I can be depressed today, but tomorrow is a new day. I will not let this suck the life out of me." It's hard to get to that point...but you can do it!