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The Venting Thread - What's on Your Mind?

This is a thread for you to just plain vent your frustrations about your illness. How it's effected you, if you're tired of treatment/medication, or if you feel people around you just don't understand. The only 'requirements' are that we keep the language clean, and we don't bash our fellow members as those will result in having the offending post deleted.

My goal with this thread is to lift each other up and offer positive support. If it becomes popular, we can do one a week.

Who wants to be first?
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Avatar universal
Crashed my car into a tree on Sunday and totaled it. I loved that car and it was the only thing that kept me going for 14 months of residebtial treatment center. I'm 17 and have attempted way to many times but it gets exhausting when every little thing that goes wrong is multiplied by 1,000 by depression. I had surgery 3 weeks ago and got dependent of Percocet because that was the only time if truly been happy in my life and it was basically instant happiness. I got completely off of it a week ago. Then I go crash my favorite thing in the world into a tree. My airbag didn't work either and I wish I wasn't wearing a seat belt honestly because it would have killed me. For the past 3 years when ever someone would ask me what made me happy I'd say my car. I worked on it so much and cared for it. I would practice racing it on canyons and practice speed shifting when ever I was down. It took me 6 months of everyday searching for a Honda Civic si in the right price to find that one. I put over 2000$ into it. It's not even the car that makes me depressed right now. The car just adds to everything that I push down and its over flowing now. I've gone through a insane amount of therapy and I know how to handle it I just get tired of every night having to handle it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm 23 suffering from major depression and anxiety
Ive been like this most my life and can't remember happiness
I go through phases where I get suicidal as well.

I know I'm sick, I know I need help.
The people around me often tell me I'm too young to really be depressed, and that I'm just not trying hard enough.
I can't vent to anyone because I'm too negative and bring everyone down.
I've seen therapists and doctors before...

I try to find information online about depression, to maybe understand, why it seems so easy for some, and others not so much...
I know there's underlying problems: Bipolar and an eating disorder; but no one wants to help me get checked

I often feel belittled, and pushed aside
I want to live
But I feel like I'm just in the way
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Avatar universal
Well hopefully y'all can help me. I have some major issues. My brother is 18 and my mom is 37 and I'm acting the like the parent. The only parent responsiblity I'm not doing is paying the bills. It feels like I must take control of the household even though I am only 17. Mind you I have a pretty decent life: I have a boyfriend, great grades, and a supportive family. I am also severe depressed, have bipolar, and severe anxiety
I need help do I need intense therapy for this or do I just need to get away from my family?
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Avatar universal
Amen and well put!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Amen and well put!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Very depressed shaky even,I cry all the time for almost a month now. My good friend died Oct 12 I was the last person to see him 5mins before he died I seen him pull out on the rd where he got hit. My husband jst says better him thn me. He makes everything worse if I come to him. 2days later my 18yr old cousin died. Everytime I go to work I thnk of my friend BC thts where we met n came n seen me everyday. My chest hurts so bad n I can't breathe. Its hard to even move right now but I have a 2yr and a 7yr old so I'm making myself. Now my husband talking bout divorce I told him I was depressed my head n heart is all messed up. But he thnks I'm cheating on him and accuses me of deleting my Facebook messages which I have none and texts.. I can't take anymore if it wasn't for my kids I would of tooken my life already. I have no money to talk to a therapist I have noone but my kids
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm  16 I was diagnosed with mood disorder physcotic depression and post traumatic stress disorder i've been on seroquel, Prozac, for two years now i'm pregnant so they took me off my meds.

Sometimes people don't understand how much their words really hurt me and now i'm off the meds the voices and urges are back I don't know what i'm gonna do
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3217886 tn?1482295157
I honestly never see the point in stuff like talking to others about feelings. It's like no one listens. No one has time to listen. No one wants to listen to unhappy stuff.

I'll try it anyway though. K well, I'm 15, and I am having the worst year of my life!

5 days after the start of the year, I got run over by my dad's car....and I think I have PTSD but I don't wanna tell my parents, cause they r dealing with their own problems, and my dad, I believe, has changed too after the accident.

Secondly, I got a lot worse in math after mid-terms which put me in a very care-free mood for the rest of the school year. I'm scared to do badly at math again this year in the 10th grade :$

To end this all off, my dad wants to file a divorce with my mom. He keeps getting me involved too. I'm just a kid for crying out loud! I don't know how to solve that problem! I would if I could.

Well, if anyone has any advice, plz let me know. I could really use someone to talk to who actually cares--or at least acts like they do.

And for everyone else on this forrum, I really hope everything will get better for you :) xx
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Avatar universal
i just lost everything i loved. i came home to find someone in my bed. i lost my home the love of my life everything i owner. i have nothing left. nothing to live for. i do not think i am going to make it. i am to old to start again
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I don't kno where to start when I was very young I was molested by my grandfather for years, never told anyone bout kuz I didn't kno how plus I was super shy my parents split up when I was very young also because my dad became a meth junkie so my mom being a single parent to 4, was gone all the time trying to make ends meet and my 2 older bros didn't live with us, one in and out of prison or Juvie since age 13, now 29,and the other doing his own thing, which left me and my younger bro to take care of ourselves. my mom remarried when I was 10 to a truck driver that was gone for weeks at a time, n had another kid with him when I was 11, and all the responsibilities of the new baby got put on me including walking a baby to and from daycare before and after school, missing school to care for the baby if he was, not being able to hangout with friends bekuz I was raising a baby. I did that for 6 years til I turned 18 n I couldn't handle it anymore n left home stayed at my cousins house started drinking a lot n then eventually ran away to the other side of the country witout tellin anyone. I eventually came back but things between me n my ma were never the same I only talked to her ocationally n always felt very uncomfortable wit it. I then started hanging out wit this guy, which is now my husband, that none of my family liked, n for the first few years of our relationship he was on meth n we fought a lot. He was verbally, emotionally, and at times physically abusive, but that's all behind us now, he is and has been clean for quite a few years and we are very happily married. When we got married I didn't invite any of my family, which I feel so guilty about but wouldn't change it n I haunt talked to my ma in over a year n in that year she's had a stroke n has had a few major surgeries.  I feel so guilty for not having anything to do wit her but I don't want to and don't kno wat else to do its better if I jus stay away... But the thing I have the most trouble with is me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for almost 6 years wit absolutely no luck wat so ever n it is so emotionally exhausting I'm at a breaking point and dont kno wat to do. I feel so useless and lost like something is wrong wit me, everyone I kno has been able to kids except me n I'm jus so tired of gettin my heart broke month after month year after year while all my friends and family get to enjoy parenthood n I'm jus there empty handed I don't really kno wat else to say but if I could get any advise or anyone that would let me open up bout all this, there's way way more I need to get off my chest and listen to some advise, I really need someone to talk to that can understand even a lil bit I wild be forever grateful
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Avatar universal
I feel like many posters on this thread also.

I've found that most people that have never had depression don't understand, therefore, I just try to hide it most of the time. Seems to work, though, because most outsiders think I'm a fairly normal person , even fun to be around. But actually, it's all very forced.

Amazingly enough, I have a good number of friends. You'd think a depressed person like me would have zero friends , but it's not the case.

HOW?....because I'm a great actress. I've never had any social problems, so that's one thing that's probably saved my life.

I'm a great listener, and I get dumped on all the time. I get tired of being everybody's dumping friend..... Listening to everybody's problems, while I'm dying inside,saying nothing about my own problems. Sometimes I get a headache from listeing to all my friends and relatives talk about their life problems. I just want to crawl in a hole.


OR...if I'm around people that are super-duper happy, they begin to irritate me after a while & I have to run and hide. Super-duper happy people appear to be "plastic" to me,especially if they brag about how happy they are or about how rich they are, or about how PERFECT their perfect children are, or about how great their trip to Cancun was, stuff like that.

I'm not a braggart, so braggarts make me more depressed. I try to stay clear of braggarts because since they just bring me down. BUT sometimes at work, for example, I'll come across a bragging boss , and I have to listen to them, while inside my stomach I just want to throw up. I have to tune them out. Still, the brag and brag about how wonderful they are doing financially, etc.

Working around braggarts is the worst for me.
At work, I cannot show my depression for fear of a bad review. By the time I get home at night, my head is ready to explode because I've had to listen to bosses and co-workers talk about their perfection,their raises, their mega-mansions,their Ivy leage kids. Blah!

Instead, I really like people that are "real" . Those are my best friends whom I truly enjoy,and  for fear of losing them,I try to act like a great listener,fun to be around.

My psychiatrist is the worst listener. Zero help. I can't even talk to him.
Since I belong to an HMO, I can't switch Doctors , so I'm stuck with my ineffective psychiatrist. Still, he's the only one that can give me my prescriptions. My HMO requires me to see my psych every 6 months in order for me to qualify for my medications.


Anyhow, by hiding my depression, I try to act happy,because I'm afraid that if people see my sadness ,they will walk away. I understand, they not wanting to be around a depressed person, so I put on an act of appearing "normal".

Acting happy (when a person is really not) is like a forced reaction. VERY DRAINING!

When I try to appear "happy" on the outside, it zaps me of all my emotional energy. ZAP!
And when I feel zapped, I resort to not answering the phone, or just canceling out of outings on the week-ends, to avoid the entire issue.

I've become excellent at using excuses to cancel out of "outings"  whenever I get depressed. I'm a master of this! ....  It's because I don't want anybody to notice my depression, for fear they will leave me.
I've found most outsiders don't "get" depression at all. They think that depression is a slight case of sadness that goes away after a day. (I only wish...)

Being depressed is a very lonely experience and one that we have to face almost all alone in this World. That's how I've felt for years.

I feel that there is still a stigma out there on depression and us, depressive people.  Because of this, I say nothing and try to act "happy" or "normal".

Forcing happiness is extremely  draining on a person.

I feel that about the only person that really understands my depression is...me. Just me. The "normal" outside World just doesn't get it.

That's just how I feel.

When I am not on my medications, my depression gets 100 times worse, though.

Without my medications,I would lock myself in a room and sleep, sleep and sleep, avoiding the entire world.

That's why I stay on my meds.They at least make me feel half-way normal (half way "happy").

Without my meds, I'd sleep my entire life completely away, and probably become a bag lady.

I wish I didn't have to take my meds.
We tried that a few times, and my depression came back 100 time-fold.  Scary.

Looks like I'll be on some kind of med for the rest of my life, which is fine w/ me. I just wish there was another way.

Counseling is beneficial but not enough for people like me that are severely depressed. People like me need to be on medications, or we will just fade away and sleep our lives away.

So....3 cheers for good medications, I guess, ---for people like me.  




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Avatar universal
I feel I have nobody else to talk to. I feel like my friends are tired of hearing me ***** and complain about feeling sad and depressed and frusterated and dont understand that I CANT snap out of this as if it were just a bad day. I hate how I dont even know what I have. I hate that I am a 21 year old guy with so many hopes and dreams and how I have been going through mental health issues for the past 3 goddamn years. I feel like such a worthless piece of ****. I DO absolutely nothign every frikin day! I hate all the uncertainty that clouds what I am going through. I hate my life. I hate people . I hate GOD. I hate how this had to be me. I hate how I dont even have the courage to kill myself. I hate how I cant even do that... I feel like sucha  ****** failure. I hate how every day I wake up and feel like I never totally wake up. How I feel like I am in a dream world ALL the time, and the feeling never subsides and never leaves. IT is a permanent new reality! it has replaced the old way, the normal way, I saw life. I feel like a zombie. I feel numbed out. I feel like I failed myself, my family, and my friends. I feel like just being alive right now is simply prolonging the inevitable which is death. I hate how I have given up on the idea of me getting better. I hate how much of a jellyfish I am now. I hate how much I cry all the time every ****** day. I ****** hate doctors and psychiatrists who were soo ****** confident that I would get better with all their pills and drugs. well screw the drugs, cause I tried so many of them and nothing helped to soothe or treat this feeling that I have ALL the time. I feel like I am not even here. Like my mind isnt connected to the rest of my body. Like I dont really "see" what I am looking at, and dont really register it. Like I have dissociated from reality. I hate how now I am questioning whether its a mixture of depression as well. I hate how I feel so damn lonely and I have to resort to a this forum. I am so angry and sad and frusterated and cant take it anymore. I am so resigned from all of this ********. I havent been working for almost 8 months now. I hate how I didnt address this whole issue earlier when it wasnt as intense. I am livid about my dad and mom getting a divorce and just separating. I am so jealous of all my friends and brothers because they just go on living their normal lives while I sit here and suffer in silence. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS ****!?? i could write a book so i will just end it now
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Avatar universal
I'm tired of feeling quilty about the pain of my depression because my problems may not be as bad as others.  I feel I am constantly grieving over the people I have lost and constantly thinking of how many more there are to lose. I am always counting how many more years they may have to live. Now that my older daughter said she may move away and my younger one has moved out, I feel I am just left to wait to bury the rest. I just want to enjoy some of my life now that I am done taking care of everyone. I am only 54 and can't bear the thought of life without these people in it. I just feel I want to go now so the pain will go away. I am so tired of crying and the constant heartache. Thanks for listening, it does help.
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874521 tn?1424116797
GREAT SUBJECT!!!
my vent is simple the lingering STIGMA of mental illness
and consequently the need to wear a public MASK in order not to be labeled as unfit!
I agree totally with the perception that all the SHOULDS will actually make everything all better for us all that suffer with depression!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i'm 15 and i've been depressed for years. i feel like i cant tell anyone. i cut myself and i just want to die. why is this happening to me? i have a good life. no one seems to understand. they think im the nerd in the corner with no problems.
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Avatar universal
i hate feeling sick all the time and fear oh the fear i wish i could be like all the smiling people i havent work off an on for a month or more my boyfriend is getting tired of it iam sure WHY WHY WHY god ki hate this i just want to be normal
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730826 tn?1317943334
I am the same. My man will leave in the morning, and Im happy and then Il have a thought and my whole day turns and when he comes home at lunch Im numb, bitter and depressed. Usually its like that for the whole night, he knows it too. he says are you going to be like this for the rest of the night now? I feel bad, he deserves more, my family deserves more. It ***** cuz the rest of my family is really happy and funny and then there is me, and I put on the face and try so hard but im so far from happy. Im so depressed that I havnt eatten today and puked up the milk I drank. I just want to be happy. I tried to tell my fiance I didnt want to be with him cuz Im not happy but didnt know how to say its not him its that I dont want to bring him down with me.
Thanks for listening, This is a great forum.
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909257 tn?1242668182
  i suffer from chronic pain, depression, and now BPD which Ii think i had all along. Have not worked since 2002 and i actually feel guilty like i do not contribute to society. i am always anxious and really can not stand social settings or friends or even family anymore.i am so sick of being sick.i'm so tired of waking up every am. sleep seems to be the only time that im not in pain or depressed or anxious or angry.
It is a hard road for sure.i read (the Secret) over and over it is my bible. But trying to think good thoughts can be so hard when one min. you're sad and the next angry or in pain. I just started a mood stabilizer and hope it will help. i just get so tired of life.
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Avatar universal
im tired of living like this.
to start off ive been feeling on and off depressed since i was a kid. i went through alot as a kid, i had my dad run out on me and my brother, i went through alot of emotional abuse, i witnessed my cousin being sexual abused by my uncle,i had a drunk step father who used to beat my mother and tell me women were good for nothing,i had the only person in my life that truley matter(my mother) who just treated me like dirt. i even had social services come by and check up on me and my brother and at one point they had planned to take us away. i used to have my principal take me out of class and ask me if my mother abused me and if i was happy at home. although ive always played it off like everything was fine, everything really wasnt and i wish they had taken us away and put me somewhere i could be happy. because of my rough family/childhood ive never really had anyone to talk to, never really had anyone to really tell how i feel. now although i struggled with these problems i over came alot when i came to high school were i made friends and forgot my troubled past. i was a popular kid in school and never really had a problem meeting people and expressing myself, but around the time i graduated i started loosing my friends. although ive been smoking weed since i was about 15 it wasnt intill i started loosing my friends when my habit really got bad. i started staying at home and getting high all the time, i wouldnt pick up my phone i wouldnt talk to anyone and the people i did talk to i became very bitter towards. i ran off and worked on drill rigs for a couple months trying to better myself and meet new people, but the people i met just singled me out and made me feel so much worse about myself. when i think back it was my attitude towards everything that made people just not want to know me, and as far as i can see it still is. 3-4 years have gone by since i graduated, and ive spent the majority of them sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. ive lost all my friends except two who i can tell really dont care for me, i lost my g/f of 3 years a couple months ago along with my job and my apartment. im currently living with my mother and two brother all who i can tell are really starting to pity me and not only that really dislike me. i can hear my mother talking **** about me and to my face says nothing, my brothers who once looked up to me, think something is seriously wrong with me and i hate myself for it. im at the point i dont know what to do, ive never told anyone i feel depressed and deny it when someone asks me. im at the end of my line and i dont know what to do, im on the verge of buying a plane ticket to mexico, leaving all this behind and starting over. i need help, i cant turn to my family, i have no friends, and i ******* hate my life and myself.
Helpful - 0
755829 tn?1246919225
I am 25 year old male, I suffer from Anxiety and have been depressed lately, I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I must admit I wasn't the best partner but she wasn't perfect either, what pisses me off is that I am hurt, afraid of being single and so very down, I have to face this all head, not 2 weeks after we broke I find my girlfriend has hooked up with one of her friends and they are an item, so she gets to experience new things and have a great time, while I sit around alone and upset, it's not fair! It's also a big hit to my already low self esteem and very humilating, beacuse it's all evident on facebook so people will know.
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Avatar universal
and then diagnosis of depression soon followed.  I felt everything was due to hormone but found that wasn't true.  I'm having a hard time accepting the diagnosis of depression.  In therapy and my therapist believes the depression has been a problem since childhood, according to what I've said to her.  I really wish my life was over, I've lived long enough as I an 54 years old, I just can't end it myself.  I wish every night I wouldn't wake up the next morning, but dammit I always do.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i hate my life right now. Im 23 years old and ive had moderate acne for what seems like 10 years now. It's just progressively gotten worse after high school when everyone else's faces seemed to clear up. It's made me really depressed and is making me focus on every negative aspect of me.  Ive been on every freaking medication and I feel like no one knows what i really look like, people just see this face covered in bumps and cars.  Ive become a hermit and have lost what used to be a great social life with a girlfriend and great friends.  I'm convinced as soon as my acne subsides i will be bald.  I dont think ill ever have a period where i am confident and have self esteem and actually enjoy waking up in the morning. I dread getting out of bed because i have to look at myself in the mirror. I used to enjoy looking at myself now i avoid mirrors like the plague.  I dont even know who i am anymore im rediculously sad and resent everyone for it.  It's so hard going through these things in a society that places so much importance on physical appearance, especially in your college years. I would never commit suicide just because of what it would do to my family and loved ones so instead i just lock myself away from the world hoping this will go away eventually. I feel like ill be depressed until that happens.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OK, I'm sick of being sick! Of being made fun of by my college age daughter.  I feel like I'm her trick dog that she has to show her friends, look at my Mom, isn't she crazy! Hey, Mom say that thing you said last night when you took your meds"! I wish I had respect from my family.  Instead I feel like a joke to them. They have no idea how hard I work at putting on a "happy face" to everyone when I really want to scream! I'm so sick of having these high's and low's.  My head just spins.  When I try to have a conversation I always get off track, jumping all over the place.  It's so embarrassing.  My daughter doesn't even wait for me to try to get my thoughts together, instead she will finish my sentence for me.  Sometimes I feel like I will end up all alone.
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Avatar universal
it's almost 1am here in o-town fla.

these flipping meds either knock  you out or have you up all night.

i feel drugged, took an ambiem but still can't fall asleep

i should go to wal-mart and buy things i don't even need, but i like target better but there not open.

my dogs are ansy cause they want to go to bed. their looking at me like their trying to figure out how to crash this computer.

cvs is open but their always getting robbed.

i could take a walk around the block but the home owener watchdogs patrol and they may think i'm a robber.

i could read but i broke one of the lens in my glasses.

what i should do is call all the psyc docs in the phonebook and wake them up and keep them up till i fall asleep so they can see what it feels like when i can't sleep from these drugs
i would like to go in the back yard and work in my garden but all the neighborhood dogs will start barking and i might be mistaken for a prowler and get shot.

so the only thing i can do is vent. but i'm still wide awake.

good thing i don't work. i'd be a babbleing idiot from lack of sleep and they would all be talking about what new drug i'm on.

well sweet dreams all

coleen
Helpful - 0
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