alone

[sweetpea03]

I have struggled with depression for a long time. Much of it has to do with a rare chronic medical condition that I have and in having to deal with that. This last year I had a pretty major surgery to deal with the medical condition and had quite a few friends abandon me since they didn't know how to feel about what was going on. I have a couple friends that stuck by my side throughout the whole ordeal and I'm so thankful that I have them as friends. My family is also pretty supportive, but their support varies. They are extremely supportive in the beginning, but as time goes on their support dwindles. I am still recovering from surgery, but the support from the family has all but diminished to nothing. My mother thinks that I dwell on the situation too much and that I should just "get over it". And trust me, I have. But it's hard to get over something when you're reminded of it every day. I get rude comments/stares from people, since I don't look "normal", as the surgery left me slightly "deformed", I guess you can say. I have met a few others online with the same medical condition as me and that has helped out a lot in me not feeling so alone and isolated, but the online support can only do so much. I don't want to go on medication or anything, as I am not a big "fan" of going on drugs. Though I don't know how to deal with it all. I don't see my parents really helping me in finding some type of treatment, so I'm on my own in that sense.

[sweetpea03]

I keep feeling as if I am slipping. I was doing so good for a long while, all the way up until my surgery, and then it went downhill. I kind of picked myslef back up, but now feel like I'm falling back to where I was before. I have more health problems that are interfering with my life and again, I watch my friends slowly disappearing from my life. I had asked a "good" friend of mine if she wanted to hang out over the weekend and her excuse was that she had to do homework. Which is absolute bs. She doesn't do her homework until the night before and I later found out she went to a party instead. I confronted her about it and she just blew me off. It's getting frustrating and I'm tired of dealing with these "fair weather" friends. Why is it that if a person is struggling, people leave, at the time when they are needed most.  

[sweetpea03]

Thanks. I have struggled with depression for a long time. I hit rock bottom at about the age of 12 when I had seriously considered suicide. I have gotten better since then, mostly from the help of the online support group with others who have the same medical condition as myself. Though most of the people in the group are mom's of children with the condition, so I have only met 5 others with the condition who are somewhat similar in age. The friends that left me did so some months ago, and I have not had contact with them since. The ones I did have contact with acted strange around me and didn't seem interested in being a "friend". I know that the medical condition I have is very rare and not much is known about it, so it does freak some people out, I guess. Though I'm really like anyone else, but I don't really get the chance to show people that. I have to deal with a lot of ignorant comments from people who say things about the way that I look. I try to ignore those as much as possible, but it gets hard sometimes. I haven't talked to anyone really about it, other than a few close friends on the group. I want to stay away from medication as much as possible, as I just got off of high doses of pain pills that I had taken for many months before my surgery. And then had to take more pills after surgery for surgical pain and so I am trying to take a break from medications.  

[dippy1]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Friends can seem exasperating at times and I believe they can suffer from "compassion fatigue" after a while, but it may be worth waitiing til you have one of your better days then contcating them to explain how you're feeling. When low it's easy to feel a bit paranoid and to imagine/be over-sensitive to negative vibes. Anyone who expects you to gat over it is unrealistic and unhelpful...you have to live with this full time. Have you spoken to a counsellor at all. Sometimes specific medical conditions have support groups where the people all understand what you're going through.
You don't have to be a "fan" of ADs to give them a try. Thinking logically do you have symptoms of depression- check that out reallistically and if the answer is "yes" at least do yourself the favour of discussing pros and cons with a doctor you trust...you may agree there's little  to lose in trying something for a limitted time to see if it helps, if it doesn't at least you'll know you've tried,
good luck, hope this helps.