Very lost with this life.

[tweetypie89]

I keep having suicidal thoughts,i have carried this burden for many years.Now at 47 the feelings are stronger.At thee weekend a family argument which i knew would happen,really has got me i cannot stop crying and more scary i have started to use gear just to get me up doing other things instead of thinking of bad thoughts have you any advice.Thank you.

[tweetypie89]

Hi Mary,
     thankyou for your kind words and sorry to here about your suicide attempts.
However where i am clinically depressed person i tried taken attempted suicides since i was 14yrs,though never seeked proper medical advice.As i was youn i drank,as i got older it was drugs.Then the big one Heroin,the sad thing was my daughter came home from a night club an hour early,she new something was wrong,and i had an accidental overdose.Then i seen pure pain in my family,i wanted to take my life then as i felt so bad and rightly so.I was still getting haunted three years later everyones failiures wa because of me.My family my girls grandaughter we get on great.It is my mother and step-da,we went to their caravan for what was suppose to be break for me as i really needed one,i told my step-dad i was anxious about arguments in front of my grandaughter,he told me he would keep it calm.He let me down so bad,as after pick pick pick i tried to avoid confrotation.but there it was Step-dad dont lie you had an argument with my daughter(not the case she had a few drinks and was getting funny, i was 2 minutes away from caravan but fell asleep.Got back was locked out.Honestly 4wks ago my step-dad said i was jelous of my mum with my grandaughter,why should i be?why even is he thinking like this of me?.I honestly cannot take them as they cause diruption and upset and expect you to forget,well i dont go on nice holidays to forget so i sit and think and think and think.Anyway Mary talk soon takecare.

[DandMe]

Stay strong honey, The voices may be loud, but the world would NOT be a better place without you.  If you have family to fight with, that just means they love you and you love them enough to care.  I've tried sucide a few months ago (od with pills) and several times in the past (cutting my wirist)  After recovering, thinking what I almost did to my kids and family was worst then the pain from the attempt and the reason I thought it was worth it.  After telling my family, seeing the hurt that I wanted to leave them was horrible.  Keep posting and talking, IT WILL HELP.  I'm here also ALL day and night (coming of pain pills). You can talk with me. I will be here for you.   If you want, you can PM me and I will give you my phone number .
HUGS
Mary

[misha201]

stay strong..you can do it. find things that make you happy. don't give in to these feelings. there is more in life you will find that makes you happy. hang in there :)