Depression.. Sigh...

[rosey3216]

I know I have posted about this a few times. But it is really getting the best of me.

No, this isn't just pregnancy hormones. I have been dealing with depression my whole life. Even as a kid, I remember never being happy, wondering why I was different from all of my friends, and being jealous at how care-free they were.

I have been to counseling on and off for years. Been on soo many different medications and doses, even was going through a time where I was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, up until I got pregnant. I am not totally happy about this pregnancy. But adoption just isn't an option for me. (And no I'm not considering abortion, I'm almost 20 weeks so its too late anyway.) I don't really have a whole lot of support. The father is really only there when he wants to be, and has a brain injury so everything in our relationship is 10 times more complicated. There is just so much to the story, but basically I am starting to really feel bad because I am terrified of being a bad mom, or messing up my child's life due to my depression. Honestly I have been wanting to commit suicide for years, and tried once, but am afraid that I will just end up with worse consequences (such as a stroke, paralysis, nut house, etc.) I have tried so many different (both

[meNmy3Cs]

I agree with combs7 u gotta try n get out there girl i no its super hard cuz of the whole anxiety out in public but if u don't do something about it you will only b more miserable. im speaking from experience im going thru it now. im in Ohio n the city i live n is a sh*t hole so no ssocial groups i feel comfortable in either ghetto or rich n im neither so i feel so out of place. to bad we don't live close we would make perfect friends. i have no support system but i am looking for a change so i can be happier n do more wit my kids instead of being in the house all the time. I hope things get better for u momma keep ur head up don't give up n have faith

[Combs7]

Well those aren't the friends you need anyway. Go to church, find a support group, find a mommies group, you can't just sit around & have problems & not look for solutions. No one could be happy that way.

[rosey3216]

I was just in counseling less than a year ago, idk I am considering going back but it just didn't seem to help all that much, and I hated being on meds.. as for a social life, all my friends dropped me since I got pregnant because theyre all druggies and I stopped because of the baby.. so literally no one has talked to me or asked to hang out in months. :(

[meNmy3Cs]

Aww momma im sry ur feeling down i wish i could give u a big hug although that mite not make u feel much better. But it seems you have a lot of underlying issues that u haven't really dealt with at hand. And with pregnancy its really starting to get to u. Let me just say since u r scared u are going to b a bad mom it is only going to make u that much stronger when that baby comes u r going to b a great mom cuz u fear being a bad one if that makes sense. N it seems like u should start thinking positive thoughts momma negative ones only bring us down. I know u say u been in counseling but maybe since u r older now it can b of much more help to. Also try getting a social life because i am realizing that not having one is making me sadder each day even tho i got a beautiful bundle of joy. i have no social life n it sux. Aanytime u want to talk about anything message me n ill b here for u i no the anxiety fears doubts loneliness everything your feeling n i will b your shoulder ma... Smile your baby is going to change u for the good ma

[Combs7]

I have had depression for most of my life but saught help & really committed myself to being open & honest with my therapist & doing what ever she asked. I think you definitly need to speak with your doctor about what you are feeling & see what they recommend. If it's therapy stick with it even when it's hard or uncomfortable. I think from your post there is something deeper you haven't dealt with in your past & they will be able to help if you let them.

[rosey3216]

Ugh!! Both healthy and unhealthy ways to cope, and nothing seems to work.

Again, I know I have posted this a few times already, I just feel so lost. Anyone else feel this way?