how can i define me

im a freelance journo, a musician . i always tried to be cheerful. But as a professional, i never get a permanency and a fixed income. im 37 and married. im happy even seeing a small flower but if irritated by any small reason, iwill become a hysteric person and for some 10 minutes i will be like that. from my childhood time when im feeling sad and angry i started hitting my head on the wall or with my own hands i beat on my head. some times i feel  to die but only because  i belong to a very well known family and if i commit suicide it will affect the family. whenever i saw some attrocities against weak people in home, in my surroundings, i protest but all others are asking me to be silent. ive a very loving papa,mom, brother, sister, huband and my baby, but iam sure they never tried to understand me.

[umya]

i know someone who would hit themselves til bloodied and it is horrific to witness.  i urge you to stop this behavior.  this type of internalizing needs to be sorted out with the help of a psychotherapist as soon as possible.  

[fuzzy882]

DITO, good advise umya....