Aa
i honestly don't want to hurt anyone...
I'm not sure how to address this... so I'll just try starting and see where it goes.
I know for a fact I have bad mood swings.
One second I'll be fine, a little shy maybe but the closest to normal I've felt.
Another second I can't keep my eyes open... I'm exausted and fall asleep in my middle of even my favorite classes and the teacher has to shake my shoulder to wake me up.
Then I can't stop talking. I'll rant (not normal) and just go on and on from one topic to another until someone either tells me to just shut up or I get tired again.
Then I don't want to eat. Looking at food makes me feel sick, eating it makes me feel like I want to throw up weather I make myself or not. (I also have 'unusual' eating habbits. At home I eat normally, then at school I won't eat breakfast or lunch. MAYBE a gatorade or water.)
Then I'm overly hyper... I'm just NOT myself. I can run for miles and miles and just push through the side aches and dizziness. My foot usually taps like a metronome set on HIGH until I realize what I'm doing.
And every now and then when all of these crash... I want to stab someone.
I know I won't end up doing it... but I just want to drive something sharp into someone's stomache and just watch the blood. I generally end up hurting myself (by cutting) until my mom threatened to take away my guitar (I LOVE it and would never give it up.) so i've stopped even though I really want to keep it up.
I know I don't want to hurt anyone... but after I hurt my little brother (punched his ear with the palm of my hand)... I didn't care. I didn't feel bad about it or anything. Nothing. I thought I'd feel sad about it, regret it or SOMETHING but it was like I never did it.
I just don't want this to get out of control and then throw the rest of my life in prizon (I'm only 14.)
I just want some help but I can never bring it up to my doctor and I won't see him again for a while.
What should I do?
I know for a fact I have bad mood swings.
One second I'll be fine, a little shy maybe but the closest to normal I've felt.
Another second I can't keep my eyes open... I'm exausted and fall asleep in my middle of even my favorite classes and the teacher has to shake my shoulder to wake me up.
Then I can't stop talking. I'll rant (not normal) and just go on and on from one topic to another until someone either tells me to just shut up or I get tired again.
Then I don't want to eat. Looking at food makes me feel sick, eating it makes me feel like I want to throw up weather I make myself or not. (I also have 'unusual' eating habbits. At home I eat normally, then at school I won't eat breakfast or lunch. MAYBE a gatorade or water.)
Then I'm overly hyper... I'm just NOT myself. I can run for miles and miles and just push through the side aches and dizziness. My foot usually taps like a metronome set on HIGH until I realize what I'm doing.
And every now and then when all of these crash... I want to stab someone.
I know I won't end up doing it... but I just want to drive something sharp into someone's stomache and just watch the blood. I generally end up hurting myself (by cutting) until my mom threatened to take away my guitar (I LOVE it and would never give it up.) so i've stopped even though I really want to keep it up.
I know I don't want to hurt anyone... but after I hurt my little brother (punched his ear with the palm of my hand)... I didn't care. I didn't feel bad about it or anything. Nothing. I thought I'd feel sad about it, regret it or SOMETHING but it was like I never did it.
I just don't want this to get out of control and then throw the rest of my life in prizon (I'm only 14.)
I just want some help but I can never bring it up to my doctor and I won't see him again for a while.
What should I do?
I feel somewhat the same way sometimes. Like I'll be on a high for a few hours, and then crying the next. I feel so out of control sometimes, like I'm close to suicide but the only thing that keeps me holding on is the people I would be leaving behind. My family, the love of my life and a few close friends.
Some nights I will lay awake and just cry for no specific reason. I'm thankful for the life I have but sometimes I can't bear the pain I feel. It's not that I want to die, just sometimes I don't want to live anymore.
What treatment is there for bi-polar?
Some nights I will lay awake and just cry for no specific reason. I'm thankful for the life I have but sometimes I can't bear the pain I feel. It's not that I want to die, just sometimes I don't want to live anymore.
What treatment is there for bi-polar?
You clearly have something going on in your brain, and maybe some other part of your body. It is not your fault, and is something your doctor needs to investigate. I know certain stuff can be embarrassing, but your doctors have heard cases like yours many times.
Please, please go see a doctor before you really hurt yourself or someone else. If money is a problem, you can start by talking to a school counselor. Most cities have free resources for people who can't afford treatment.
You will feel much better once therapy starts, and it probably needs to start soon. You have already explained that you have problems controlling your anger, and these problems don't get better on their own *or* just by talking to a friend. You need a complete medical and psychological evaluation, and I hope you get evaluated and treated soon. You sound like a very sensible and intelligent person, so make the sensible and intelligent decision to see a medical professional soon. I wish you much luck!
Please, please go see a doctor before you really hurt yourself or someone else. If money is a problem, you can start by talking to a school counselor. Most cities have free resources for people who can't afford treatment.
You will feel much better once therapy starts, and it probably needs to start soon. You have already explained that you have problems controlling your anger, and these problems don't get better on their own *or* just by talking to a friend. You need a complete medical and psychological evaluation, and I hope you get evaluated and treated soon. You sound like a very sensible and intelligent person, so make the sensible and intelligent decision to see a medical professional soon. I wish you much luck!
I agree with whoever said Manic Depressive Disorder (Bipolar)... I actually suffer from that disorder and have very similar symptoms... and the desire to stab someone is probably something else, hun. I have similar thoughts, along with hallucinations and some strange social patterns which I don't need to get into. But do talk to your doc about it... I'm on Lithium Carbonate for the bipolar disorder and it works like a dream.
Personal beliefs are just that.
Each comes to them in their own way. Some by the way they were raised and thereforth the way their parents believe. Others by "trying" things out. Some believe that you have to go to a building and have a book to tell you how it all goes and some believe that it's inside you.
Now for the issues on this board and this post.
RESULT_OF_MIND
Please go and see you Dr. and tell him/her everything you told us here. Is your Dr. as GP or a Psych? If GP they need to refer you ro Psych for proper eval. Print this page if you need to (the parts that pertain to your problem). Only your Dr. can give you a clear idea of what you are dealing with and it is clear you do have some issues but nothing that can't be helped. Just remember that. You're taking the first step in knowing that you need help and that's the most important.
Don't make excuses about money, or ppl not understanding or making fun of you. Money can be worked out. Many places can set up hardship accounts and you might not have to pay a cent. If ppl don't understand then they weren't your friend to begin with. Family can be a bit trickier I know. Even my own mother tells me that there is nothing wrong with me and I should just "snap outta it" but she comes from the old school and you don't air your dirty laundry in public so to speak (I'm 45 and she's almost 70)
It's not really you that is wanting to do the bad things. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the weird thoughts meds make the "wires" connect right. ppl get bent out about "mental" problems but don't about a heart one when its almost the same. If your heart doesn't beat right you use meds or a pace maker.
It's hard to make that first step I know. But it's worth it. YOUR worth it. 14 is not the end. and you don't want to look at the world from behind bars. (besides that I don't think they will let you take your guitar in with you...lol)
Each comes to them in their own way. Some by the way they were raised and thereforth the way their parents believe. Others by "trying" things out. Some believe that you have to go to a building and have a book to tell you how it all goes and some believe that it's inside you.
Now for the issues on this board and this post.
RESULT_OF_MIND
Please go and see you Dr. and tell him/her everything you told us here. Is your Dr. as GP or a Psych? If GP they need to refer you ro Psych for proper eval. Print this page if you need to (the parts that pertain to your problem). Only your Dr. can give you a clear idea of what you are dealing with and it is clear you do have some issues but nothing that can't be helped. Just remember that. You're taking the first step in knowing that you need help and that's the most important.
Don't make excuses about money, or ppl not understanding or making fun of you. Money can be worked out. Many places can set up hardship accounts and you might not have to pay a cent. If ppl don't understand then they weren't your friend to begin with. Family can be a bit trickier I know. Even my own mother tells me that there is nothing wrong with me and I should just "snap outta it" but she comes from the old school and you don't air your dirty laundry in public so to speak (I'm 45 and she's almost 70)
It's not really you that is wanting to do the bad things. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the weird thoughts meds make the "wires" connect right. ppl get bent out about "mental" problems but don't about a heart one when its almost the same. If your heart doesn't beat right you use meds or a pace maker.
It's hard to make that first step I know. But it's worth it. YOUR worth it. 14 is not the end. and you don't want to look at the world from behind bars. (besides that I don't think they will let you take your guitar in with you...lol)
Please go get some help. You need to put faith in someone before this gets way out of control and u do end up in prison or worse a mental institution somewhere. There are lots of possibilities and people out there willing to help you. But you have to let them.
Well, just keep your mind open. It's good to investigate and educate yourself on as much as you can. Believing in God takes faith. People don't realize that it's when we step out in faith towards Him that He reveals Himself to us. He's not going to prove Himself to us. He says we should be able to see Him just by looking at the miracle of creation. It sounds to me like you're almost afraid to believe because maybe you are afraid of being disappointed or afraid to hope in something? It's also a control issue really. We tend to want to be in control of our lives. We are afraid to allow God to have control because we don't trust Him. It's only after we get to know Him that we learn to relax and trust Him. I don't know how people can live their whole lives with no hope. How terrible is that! I'd rather believe that I will someday see my loved ones again in Heaven. Besides, I've had enough answered prayers and miracles in my life and family member's lives to know He's there and He cares (if you let Him). Just don't shut the door totally. Be open at least to the possiblities. Take care.
It just didn't make sense (and it's probally becuase I don't WANT to believe in him). I'm someone who needs to SEE the science of it to believe in it... and it just doesn't make sense (except wigii boards and pendelome (sp?))
I've found something that makes sense, so far science proves it... I'll rot in the ground.
I think it's great you have God in your life... but he's not welcome in mine. (I don't want that to sound rude... so sorry if it does)
But out of the many religions... Athiesm is the only thing that make sense to me.
I've found something that makes sense, so far science proves it... I'll rot in the ground.
I think it's great you have God in your life... but he's not welcome in mine. (I don't want that to sound rude... so sorry if it does)
But out of the many religions... Athiesm is the only thing that make sense to me.
That's probably because you were probably just trying to understand only with your mind. With spirtual things, you have to involve the spirit and heart. How can there not be a higher power? It actually makes more sense that there is than not. Try reading Lee Strobels books "A Case For Creation", or "A Case For Christ". He's written many good books. He himself was an atheist and didn't believe and set out to disprove there was a god and that Jesus was really all he said he was. He was a reporter and interviewed and researched this for years. He finally came to the conclusion that there had to be a God and that Jesus was all he said he was. Also Josh McDowel wrote "More Than A Carpenter". He too was an atheist who set out to find out for himself.
I think sometimes we try to put God in a box and make Him do what we want Him to do and when He disappoints us or doesn't answer our prayers the way we think, we turn our backs on Him. I've learned that He teaches us so much through adversity and trials. Of course, we don't want that but it does make us better people. It makes us more compassionate and humble for one thing.
I've gone through a lot this last year. I didn't understand it and didn't want it but I always clung to the only one who could make sense of it all. He doesn't promise we won't have pain or sickness, etc. Only that He will walk with us through it all if we let Him. We live in an imperfect world with a lot of evil. It's because we all have free will and some will use it for evil.
Do a study for yourself. One of the first books I read as a new Christian was "Storming Towards Armegedon". I was fascinated with prophecy. If you study the prophesies of the Bible, they've all come true except a few handfuls of things to happen yet. And these were written thousands of years ago! I took a Bible class one time that did a study of Revelations (which is really hard to understand with all the symbolism and such) and the book of Daniel. It's pretty interesting stuff. The more I've studied, the more I feel God has opened my eyes. It's called stepping out in faith.
I hope you can find the answers you are looking for.
I think sometimes we try to put God in a box and make Him do what we want Him to do and when He disappoints us or doesn't answer our prayers the way we think, we turn our backs on Him. I've learned that He teaches us so much through adversity and trials. Of course, we don't want that but it does make us better people. It makes us more compassionate and humble for one thing.
I've gone through a lot this last year. I didn't understand it and didn't want it but I always clung to the only one who could make sense of it all. He doesn't promise we won't have pain or sickness, etc. Only that He will walk with us through it all if we let Him. We live in an imperfect world with a lot of evil. It's because we all have free will and some will use it for evil.
Do a study for yourself. One of the first books I read as a new Christian was "Storming Towards Armegedon". I was fascinated with prophecy. If you study the prophesies of the Bible, they've all come true except a few handfuls of things to happen yet. And these were written thousands of years ago! I took a Bible class one time that did a study of Revelations (which is really hard to understand with all the symbolism and such) and the book of Daniel. It's pretty interesting stuff. The more I've studied, the more I feel God has opened my eyes. It's called stepping out in faith.
I hope you can find the answers you are looking for.
it just doesn't make sense to me. how there can be a higher power or anything. i tried giving him a chance for three years when my piano teacher preached to me but even though the words made sense (how they can make sense to someone else)... it just didn't click for me.
I accept your apology. Don't be so quick to reject God though. He can bring you that healing and peace you desire. Why not give Him a try? I won't push though. The choice is up to you.
I am not a doctor and don't want to frighten you but maybe you are dealing with manice depression, this is usually huge highs (lots of energy, ideas, talking) followed by extreme lows (sadness, despair, ) I only bring it up cuz my friend went through it, she finally told her doctor and is now on medication that is working perfect for her
sorry about the whole god thing. i just get told it so many times and i just get sick of it.
well you don't have to say good luck if you don't want to. 'course i could stuff out of it. i had no clue therapists accept most insurances.
well you don't have to say good luck if you don't want to. 'course i could stuff out of it. i had no clue therapists accept most insurances.
Well, excuse me. I was just trying to be nice. I'll try to remember that you don't want God to bless you. So sorry. In the meantime, I guess you didn't get anything else out of my post so I will make sure I don't respond anymore. I would say best wishes, but I'm sure you wouldn't like that either. So I'll just say goodbye.
GAH!!! PLEASE don't say "god bless" ... A HUGE pet-peeve for me. I just hear it every day and it doesn't make sense to me so it just gets extremely irritating.
It's true that therapists aren't cheap but most therapists accept most insurances. So talk to your mom and dad about this and ask them to find a therapist who specializes in teens and cutting and look for one that would accept your parents health insurance.
My daughter started cutting around your age too. After a year in therapy, she's much, much better. Don't despair. There is help out there for you. The fact that you care and want to change and get help is good, very good. That's the first step. I wish you the best. God bless.
My daughter started cutting around your age too. After a year in therapy, she's much, much better. Don't despair. There is help out there for you. The fact that you care and want to change and get help is good, very good. That's the first step. I wish you the best. God bless.
what should i do if money is a problem? i dunno any therapist that are free. (not that i'm comfortable with talking to her about this)
thanks people. I'll try and talk to the school councelor but i don't need to go to the doctor for a while so unless i bring it up with my parents it'll be a while.
thanks again.
thanks people. I'll try and talk to the school councelor but i don't need to go to the doctor for a while so unless i bring it up with my parents it'll be a while.
thanks again.
sweetheart, you need help... the cutting is serious. more so, wanting to stab someone is NOT a normal thought. you need to figure out why you are having these kinds of thoughts...
can you talk to your mom about getting you into some therapy? if not, or your mom won't do it, talk to a councelor at school. and BE HONEST. this is serious stuff, but if you are honest with an adult/professional and get some help, you CAN get helped and get better! and don't feel weird or bad... everyone has problems. but please get help now..
you do not want this to get worse, and it will unless you get some help. and as an adult, i think you want to do it now so you can have a happy and fulfilling life as an adult and not have to deal with this then...
good luck sweety ...
mj
can you talk to your mom about getting you into some therapy? if not, or your mom won't do it, talk to a councelor at school. and BE HONEST. this is serious stuff, but if you are honest with an adult/professional and get some help, you CAN get helped and get better! and don't feel weird or bad... everyone has problems. but please get help now..
you do not want this to get worse, and it will unless you get some help. and as an adult, i think you want to do it now so you can have a happy and fulfilling life as an adult and not have to deal with this then...
good luck sweety ...
mj
ok so I read through it :) and i know you can be helped. . the cutting itself is a problem that can be treated. See a therapist. . you shouldn't be dealing with your issues on your own , some support would be helpful.
check your diet and your sleep, obviously you don't eat well - but if you don't sleep enough you get moody and fall asleep in class! sorry to state the obvious but sometimes the simplest things can be the cause of the problem.
ok so the other thing i thought of was that maybe you have a mood disorder like bipolar - ie. the ranting, and while i don't want to alarm you or "label" you, it's just something to consider bcos you should be aware of the things you may possibly have. the other thing is maybe you just need to talk a lot bcos you have a lot of pent up anxiety and feelings to work through - the therpaist can help you with that.
ok so finally what i was thinking is: at school are you always tense, is that why you don't eat? i experienced this through high school. .
anyway, there are many things to think about, but you should speak to someone professional and don't overreact, and look after yourself, your eating etc cos that's very important, it can make a world of difference.
i wish you all the best.
ps. email if you like, i'm friendly and not a predator!
check your diet and your sleep, obviously you don't eat well - but if you don't sleep enough you get moody and fall asleep in class! sorry to state the obvious but sometimes the simplest things can be the cause of the problem.
ok so the other thing i thought of was that maybe you have a mood disorder like bipolar - ie. the ranting, and while i don't want to alarm you or "label" you, it's just something to consider bcos you should be aware of the things you may possibly have. the other thing is maybe you just need to talk a lot bcos you have a lot of pent up anxiety and feelings to work through - the therpaist can help you with that.
ok so finally what i was thinking is: at school are you always tense, is that why you don't eat? i experienced this through high school. .
anyway, there are many things to think about, but you should speak to someone professional and don't overreact, and look after yourself, your eating etc cos that's very important, it can make a world of difference.
i wish you all the best.
ps. email if you like, i'm friendly and not a predator!
Sorry if it's long.
I'd talk to a friend about it (my only friend) but I'm scared of loosing her.
Try to read through the longness?
I'd talk to a friend about it (my only friend) but I'm scared of loosing her.
Try to read through the longness?
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