in-laws

[tschock]

I know it's not ok to harm my nasty in-laws, but is it ok to blow up at them and tell them never to come back into my home again?

2 months ago my husband almost died. The doctors had told us that they didn't expect him to survive and that they were going to take him off of life support as soon as his parents arrived from out of province.
When they finally got there ( after stopping at their "favorite" son's house for 7 hours) they got in my face right away.
We had asked them to co-sign on our mortgage a few years ago...the first thing to come out of his mom's mouth was " Oh great! Now WE'RE going to be held responsible for that mortgage!"
Can you believe that? If it were MY son on his death bed I would be crying for my baby...not freaking out because of some stupid house.
Then the second thing out of her mouth was to repeat what her "favorite" son and his wife had been screaming at me since they arrived: " We demand that you get an abortion!"
I was 7 weeks along at the time...the baby died from the stress of course...passed it at almost 12 weeks.

Now these bleepity bleepin people called and left a message saying that they are at their "favorite" son's house and want to come over!  UGH!!!!!

They know that my hubby is at work...so why come over except to drive me insane and yell at me?
I know they don't like me, and the feeling is mutual.
Right now I'm hiding in my house and not answering the phone...I really don't want to see them. I'll leave town if they come over.
These people are worse than any you could imagine.
They claim their youngest son isn't their favorite, but what would you think?...
EVERY year in the winter they drive through snow storms etc just to make it to HIS birthday...
They NEVER come for my hubby's birthday! They were in town last year for both my youngest son's birthday and then again a few months later during my hubby's birthday...but they would not come over! They stayed at his little brother's house and made excuses why they couldn't come...they had to go golfing, it was raining, etc.
They told us to by our son a swingset and that they would pay for half and my parents would pay for half.
His parents have lots of money...mine are both working...his are retired, mine should be...but they need to work to pay bills.
My folks sent their half of the money, but his parents refused because "I" put the swingset together and not my hubby.
My mom always tries to buy us nice stuff for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc...his parents go to used clothing stores to buy gifts ( which is cool if you can't afford new stuff...I shop there, but not for gifts) and they only get us stuff at Christmas...his brother gets stuff for everything...even non-special days.
I told her years ago that it was wrong to have a favorite child and to rub it in the face of the other child, but she argued that she didn't have a favorite...uh huh....whatever lady.
Every time she comes here she does nothing but yell at me, tells me to get my tubes tied,and tells me to get a full time job!
Her other son does NOT work, and his wife gets "fired" all the time so that they won't get cut off welfare.
My husband works! I babysit in my home!  If I got a full time job ( only qualified for a waitress job or store) I would make around $6.50/hour...minimum wage to start. Daycare is $90/day!
I would have to work a day and a half just to pay for one day of daycare!! But she doesn't "get it" !
She tells me all the time that she was a teacher before she retired...no wonder our children are so flippin stupid...if that's how smart the people teaching them are...ugh!
Yes, I know...not all teachers are bad...just her...but makes you wonder huh?
So what would any of you do?
I have to tell you that I'm  a very calm, gentle, person...in other words...I let people walk all over me.
I'm a whimp. My kids generally tend to stick up for me because I don't have it in me to defend myself...no back bone.
Guess that's why I'm depressed and suffer from anxiety all the time huh?
So how do I go about this in a "nice way"?
Should I just hide out?

[Beeboo]

Hi, Gosh do I relate. Both to being a person who doesnt stand up for myself and having what are ment to be 'close' family members that if anything are the people you need to protect yourself from. Good for you knowing that they are just ugly people and you dont want them in your life. Such a tricky one when you dont want to hurt the ones you love ( your hubby ) by just saying it as it is. These are your husbands parents not yours. If they were yours Im sure you would have done something. Now Im not saying it is your husbands fault at all, just that he is the one that needs to be incharge of his relationship with his parents. Not you. Looloo is so right, as ever. You do not have to have anyone in your home that is not welcome and only brings negative energy with them.  Be open with your husband. You can support him in having a relationship with his parents. Meaning you dont have to. This will help him more than the current situation. I do hope this is making sense. We all have our boundries and only my inner circle of caring friends and family may now enter my home.( 15 yrs Ive done this) its so much easier to deal with people you dont like if they keep their distance. We are all entitiled to our personal space and this means YOUR life and YOUR home. As for the ins and outs of what bothers them and there stupid opinions....not your problem.  Good luck. Be strong and happy

[looloo141]

Oh deary me!!! What nice people!! I guess what you do depends on your husband really, you didn't mention how he feels about his parents, but he must feel pretty rubbish compared to his brother. I have personal experience with these types of issues and my opinion is that you shouldn't have to have people in your house that make you feel inadequate, worthless,tell you what to do etc, it's so negative and disgusting behaviour from family members, I don't think you should put up with it at all, whether they are his parents or not!
How they can stand there and demand you have an abortion while your husband is on the verge of death just sickens me to be honest!
I would not be able to bite my tongue, who needs enemies with family like that?
This must also have a negative effect on your children too! I really don't think this situation can be resolved either, they don't sound like people who would be open to discussion!
I would want to keep them away from my family but there is your husband to consider.
I would say to him that there is no way you can tolerate any visits from his parents as no matter how hard you try they are just basically horrid! Obviously if he wants a relationship with them then he can, but this can't take place in your home. By the sounds of things he probably feels the same as you, but be very careful how you put it.
Nobody should have to put up with emotional abuse in their own home, so stand up for yourself Honey!!
Good luck and keep us posted!