is there anybody outthere

[susie973]

Is there anybody outthere sufering from depresion who are walking away to their loved ones and dont care to be in touch with them. This happening to my friend. Whenever he feels depressed he will walk out and go where he thinks he will be happy . If there is problem in his family financial,or kids problem he will just be gone. So his family are just hanging outthere and dont know what . He is a heavy drinker and pot smoker. He is perfectionist with his wife nd kids. If everything goes wrong he will blame 100% his wife. there is something good in his heart.If he have money he will leave it all to his family. they learn that a ***** is supporting him this time on his vices. His behaviour of disappearing is from a long time wether he was having affair or no. He likes to hang out with those who are also gamblers,or smokers and alcoholics. But he always say that he loves his family and he admits that he is addict and there is something wrong on his brain. He said he dont find happiness. Do you think he is suffering from major depression and is get away is to run from reality and will not care wether his kids are continuing to go college or no.Is there any solution to help him. Because he is irritable,angry whenever u bring up this topic of disappearing with him. His wife said that she dont think that her husband is in love with this *****. She thinks that he is using this ***** only to have a place to stay and can drink and smoke all the way. He agreed to go for a check up but up to this time he did go so far.

[buriedinfur]

Yeah. There are only so many times you can hear that before you can't believe it anymore. Despite the obsticles, he is still responsible for his actions and lack thereof (seeking help/changing old patterns).

Expecially given that there are children involved, it's unfair to continue to let him dance this in and out and unhealthy lifestyle with them. As hard as it is, it's better to go it on your own. You can only control your own choices eh?

Big hugs and best wishes with this. Find that therapy/alanon/support group or whatever that you can to help you and your children too.

[susie973]

yeah coz i was just thinking when he will face reality? am losing hope. but I have to be strong to go on my life in supporting the kids without depending on him. I will be there for him and thanks for your prayer. I hope he will open his eyes one day .Actually he said so many times he wants to but still substance is going on first.

[hriv777]

Sounds like a question of what came first the chicken or the egg. What I mean is it sounds like he will never gat rid of his depression unless he gets rid of and deals with his addiction first! The other part of that is that HE has to make the decision himself, to get clean and sober. No matter how much you bring it to his attention or beg and scream at him, he alone must come to a place where he throws up his hands and says, "I've had enough...I'm done". I will say a prayer for both of you guys.

[LeftCoastChick]

Many people end their lives, succumb to the addiction by their bodies simply shutting down or ODing.( with co-diagnosis of addiction AND depression)  I totally depends on the person. Realize that you can't fix them. If this is your spouse, which I'm pretty much sure of, you need to get your kids away from him, get yourself into Al-Anon(which helps family/friends of addicts of any kind get healthy) and set up firm boundaries, I would get legal counsel as well. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I refused to believe I was bipolar when I was 16 and was again diagnosed at 39, though I must say that I never harmed anyone in anyway. I worked too much, ate too much and sat in depression for over 15yrs. I didn't have a life and I didn't treat myself with respect. I'm healthy, grounded and at peace for the first time in years, and I don't mind being single because I know my self-worth!

I hope this helps you make some decisions, I would also speak with a therapist for yourself.
Keep in touch,
LeftCoastChick
Co-Community Leader
Depression

[susie973]

what do u think the outcome of deppression and addiction is left untreated.

[LeftCoastChick]

Addiction tend to go hand in hand for many people. It sounds like you are supportive as you can be. Firstly though, your children come first as hard as that is.  Sometimes tough love is the only thing you can do. She will only get help when she hits rock bottom, OD's  and/or gets hospitalized. If she is in any way endangering your children, or there is neglect going on get the police and child protective services involved. Many times people will get committed, and hospitalized against there will if they are in danger of harming themselves or others. She is obviously non-compliant with her meds, which like you said, she refuses to take them and is self-medicating. Only thing immediately that I can recommend is refuse to facilitate her by giving over money (hate that term though but) to go and drink. Most people will get tired of someone paying for others.I've been there, my brother is an addict and  has Major Depression at least. Tough love is hard, but required.
Keep posting, and I hope things improve.
LeftCoastChick
Depression Co-Community Leader

[jimgreg]

depressed and  drinking  is a bomb..just being deppresed without the beer and pot is bad enough..ur friend needs to detox and get treatment all at 1 time to get this done..good luck too you and ur friend.....james

[lostsoul2]

I'm dealing with this problem with my wife.  She is 30 and had a hysterectomy 4 months ago.  Since then she has hit a severe depression, Dr. has given her meds which seem to help a lot, but she refuses to take them.  She has turned her back on me completely, our kids to a large degree, and finds comfort with her friends at the bar which is so out of character for her.   She was diagnosed with Severe Depressive Disorder and was recommended inpatient treatment, which she refused.  I have told her I will be there for her but somehow I get blamed for every bad feeling she has, whether it has anything to do with me or not.  It is tearing our family apart.  She talks about wanting out of our marriage now, which she never was like before.  It's not fair to me or the kids and I'm at a loss.  She is like stranger now.  I'm afraid myself to let her back in because of the damage this has caused.  This is really tough and there are no easy answers.  

[LeftCoastChick]

You know the saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink", this is the case too. Addictions commonly cover up depression, but until they get help for the addiction, they aren't going to deal with  the depression. Unless there is a huge intervention, or he hits rock bottom, he isn't going to see there really is an issue. Like the previous poster, been there, seen that. You and the family have to consider their own best interests. The best thing you could do is walk away, you wouldn't put up with a rude stranger, what's the difference really? When he is well or asking for help, you'll be there.

[kiramy]

call me mean- but to me this guy sounds like selfish ***. yes, he probably needs medical help, yes he probably could benefit from it, but only HE can decide to do it. meanwhile... tell your friend to make sure she takes care of herself and the kids. if she wants to give him another chance- fine, but he will need to meet her half way. at the end your friend might be better off without him.
sorry if i sound too harsh, just have seen it all. good luck.