losing myself completely

[neverthere]

I am a male, 25 years old, and for the last 5 years or so of my life I have been suffering from what you might call severe depression. It didn't get this bad until about 2 years ago. I was always a bit of a loner but before I could at least function socially and had some friends but all of that has changed recently. My depression began as a result of having severe acne which caused me much anxiety, worry, and sadness because of the way that I looked and the way that people treated me because of it. Eventually my depression got so bad that I began cutting myself and eventually developed an inferiority complex; but as time went by I never got over this and I kept distancing myself from all social activity, friends and people that I knew even after my acne got better. I now constantly suffer from anxiety attacks from tasks or job responsibilities that most people don't or wouldn't give a second thought about doing. I am forgetting things that I shouldn't be forgetting and not really "being there" in the moment just sort of walking in a daze like a foggy cloud is in my head and I can't think clearly and as a result it is beggining to effect my job performance and my reputation. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about slashing my wrists or putting a gun into my mouth. The emotional pain and loneliness that I feel on a daily basis is unbearable and it seems like I have completely lost all social skills and always feel socially akward whenever I am talking to someone and I just want to "get out of there" and find a way to be alone again out of fear of embarrassing myself. I am always over looking things, or forgetting things more and more frequently now but never said anything out of fear of losing my job or just looking weak but it's getting to be that I can't even function at all or go out anywhere anymore. I am literally losing my mind (and soul) and quite honestly just want to put myself out of my own intense misery. I have no one to talk to about this as I live by myself as I always have and have no close family members or friends that I could even consult with. I am at the point where the only "happiness" that I find is in my dreams at night and I never want to wake up agian. Death to me would be a sweet release from this Hell that I'm in. At this point in my life would anxiety pills even do anything for me or would you recommend some form of therapy? I have heard other people say that their life is "spiraling down the drain" but with me it's at a whole different level. All I know is that I've tried to let this go and "fix" things myself but things just keep getting worse and worse so I only have two options left now: suicide, or get help.

[Lillyofthevally]

Hi, I know that it is frustrating when there seems like there is no change in the way you feel every day.. it sounds like you have social anxiety which that within itself can cause depression.. I myself believe in a natural approach there are many natural remedy s for anxiety,depression, and mood problems..  PURE CALM is one I have been looking into and it helps to bring up your mood and calm anxiety.. Its a natural formula  you can find it on the web or call 1-877-289-1235.. I don't know if you are on meds or allergic to anything so asking questions at a pharmacy or by calling the pure calm rep. would be best.. most if not all people who suffer anxiety and depression lack many essential vitamins and minerals also amino acids play a big role in mood and emotions..  I am sorry that you are suffering I know what it is to not feel comfortable around people and it is linked to social anxiety.. it is sad that people would treat you badly because of your appearance.. I know it happens all around us and it hurts even if we don't show it.. You said your acne is better now but if it becomes a problem again, ALFALFA helps people with acne problems and if you have no allergy to Alfalfa you can buy it at a health food store in capsule form.. also ZINC is good but stay within the recommended doses..  I truly hope that you find something that helps.. I do not know if you are spiritual or not or I would say to pray about your situation.. Jesus loves everyone so he cares how you feel inside..  it can make a big difference when you have a higher power on your side.. I wish you all the best.. stay strong because there is an answer out there I know it's hard to weather the storm while your waiting for change.. but try to imagin yourself as the new you.. the you without these feelings.. making good friends who are interested in the REAL YOU..  your body is just a shell and the beauty is inside the shell.. when you vision the new you ahead you will press on to reach that goal..  I wish you the best and I hope you find an answer.. please research social anxiety disorder.. and I think you will find it discribes alot of what you are feeling.. If you are interested in knowing Jesus maybe you could find a local church that you would feel comfortable in.. or call 1-800-4-PRAYER  and they will talk with you.. I wish you the best :) keep pushing on because you are worth so much more than you realize.. there is only one you!! and I am sure you will see life in a whole new perspective once you atack this enemy that has you bound..

[heyjude1]

Hi.  I am sorry you have been feeling this way and it sounds like time to get yourself some help.  I would suggest you make an appt. to see a physcharist to discuss your feeings and prohaps he can prescribe something to pull you out of the derpression.  Your doctor may suggest therapy.  Therapy coupled with the medication and monitoring from your physcharist will probably be a winner.  Remember that all issues cannot be solved or worked thru quickly but just working on them can help you understand why you feel the way you do and how to cope and overcome your issues.

I want you to know that most of us on this site have been dealing with depression for a long time and can relate to exactly what you are saying and feeling.  I whish you the best and please feel free to message me if I can ever be of help to you.  Don't give up, there is help!

[boogieman]

Hello. I've had the same exact feelings- not wanting to wake up, to be free of the pain, forgetting things, and feeling anxious about other peoples opinions. I still get these but I try to hang on, often times for the sake of others who would be hurt if I checked out. You are not alone. I would agree with the suggestion of going to get an evaluation by a psych doctor, and try both medication and therapy. Things may seem overwhelming right now, but there is help available if you reach out. Take care, GM