lost

[OnTheEdge1214]

My son was killed in a car accident. It has been listed as suicide. I don't think I can cope with it. He was 16 yrs old. I have since lost my job and feel as if I am in a downward spiral. I have tried to get back to a new normal, have seeked counciling and I just do not feel it is working. My son's death was very public and wherever I go I am reminded of it weither it be the store,internet, etc. I am having a really hard time communicating with ym husband about anything. He is old school, where you don't discuss ANY feelings with anybody. I find myself crying all day while everyone is gone and making sure to put on a mask when anyone is around.

[LeftCoastChick]

You might want to check out Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book, On Death and Dying. I know it sounds clinical, but it explains a lot about grief, and why and how we feel that way. I found it very valuable after I lost a friend to suicide.

Like othes have said, see a psychiatrist, look at meds to tide you through at least until you can manage on your own. Talk or Grief therapy/counselling will be beneficial, even a support group. See if you can find a grief support group for men only for your husband. Unfortunately men have been trained by society not to feel, as women are expected they do. This is an absolute myth that men don't grieve just as painfully as women, they just aren't trained to express it. I find that the saddest thing of all.  Many marriages spllit up just for this reason - how tragic is that?  if you can't communicate with him about looking for a group, research groups youself and maybe leave out the info in plain sight "accidentally", he will end up reading it.  

Grief never goes away, but it's not as sharp and intrusive to all your thoughts. I'm not religious, but I believe there is much more then just this life.  It's helped me get through several losses in my life, albeit it's a belief that I generally keep fairly private.

Keep talk, keep posting, keep taking care of yourself and be gentle on yourself.

[sunshine1976]

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. ..... C.S. Lewis
This is from the book A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.  It has helped me understand some of what I felt during rough patches of my life. It was my life saver.  I can not pretend to understand the weight of your grief, but know your not alone.

[teko]

I am so sorry. You are experiencing, I believe the most horrendous kind of grief right now! Do not deny yourself this grief it is necessary for you to get it out and come to peace with everything. Go to a psychiatrist and see if you need help medically to help pull you thru and c about joining in a support group with others who have lost a loved one to suicide. Be gentle with yourself in the interim and remember you will get thru this. It is hard and ugly, but you will survive. I understand your pain, I too lost a son, to aids. At the time is was not as widely accepted as it is now and on top of losing your child, you have the world and their judgments, their pity etc. It makes the whole process so much worse than it need be. If you need to talk you can pm any one of us here. Gentle Hugs!

[LORDINEEDHELP]

hi i lost my first son 19 years ago not to what your sone died from but it is something i have lived with for 19 years first i will say how sorry i am for your loss there is no greater loss a mother can suffer i struggled for a long time with what happened to my son i wont go into details but it was more then i could take on when it did happen im sry your husband cant communicate how is he handeling it or is this his way of not discussing it?
i myself thought at first i could handel it but it was my job who forced me into going prior to loosing my job they suggested getting help seeking help will bennifitt you greatly(seek another counselor if this one is not working out) as well as your husband but you need a place to sort out your feeling and with me it was shock depresson anger resentment all playing into a huge loss i could not figure out which was which if you keep it all inside it will build  and it will cause more stress on you and your emotional state i two used to say i cant deal with this but it has been 20 years and i have learned to deal to this day i still feel the emotions even after 20 years that will never go away but it will lesson the pain and how you cope with the help my heart goes out to you i cant even express what it did to read this post it has been something i only thought i went through for so long but i was wrong it also helped me to find otheres who have been through this kind of loss i was only 19 back then and i have grown up alot since then i vowed to never have more kids and i did never to replace my son but the fear of loss was so great i felt i could never but hun life does go on it is what you choose to do to help your self please dont wait seek help or someone else to speak with please it will be a huge step but i sweare you will gain so much from it it supurised me, then 3 years ago i lost my 8 year nephew to a truck accident my sister was devestated as i was this made to sons lost in our family she used to call me daily begging me to tell her she was going to be okay i did do my best to help and she herself only had one child and sadley she cant have anymore but she is movivng forward and is dealing better now and she actually went to more then one counselor befor she found the right one, can i ask how long it has been since your son passed? i wish i could say something more to make you feel better but all i can do is pray for you and your family and please keep in touch if i can be of some help to you it does help to talk to others i used to not but i learned from experience it helped more then you realize i also kept a journal as my counselor would ask to write down how i feel when i feel so bad it was overwhelming yet it felt so good to release the pain i was shocked i also wrote poems to sort through my thoughts my counselor once had me write a letter to god as if i was speaking to him i was really supurised what came out of that letter all just sugestions for you i hope this helps you out some once again i trully feel your pain and i trully do understand your loss please feel free to contact me if you want to talk
take care and you will be in my thoughts
Theresa

[ILADVOCATE]

If the talk therapist isn't working you could seek a referral to a psychiatrist. As for your husband both of you could speak to your therapist. If you were diagnosed with depression NAMI friend and family support groups can be helpful. And bereavement groups because anyone going through this would be depressed. I can't say at this point whether you are depressed over a tragic event as anyone would be or have started to have depression but a psychiatrist could tell and decide what to do then.