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[bdct97]

I have fought depression and anxiety my whole life for a list of reasons.  I persevered and overcame everything without meds.  When I was 45 I did not feel right and was diagnosed with GAD.  I went on Lexapro for 10 years and felt great...slightly forgetful and just a bit numb mentally but life was happy.  In January I had my first panic attack out of no where. I was getting ready to fly. What triggered it I don't know but the anxiety went out of control when my only child (son) stated he was moving out of state.  I was in meltdown.  I could not control it.
My Dr placed me on Wellbutrin and Lorazapam for occasional use.  I am better but still anxious.  My question is....Can this just be chemical or is it part of me.  Why can I have fought this all my life and now....I seem to be powerless to it.  I hate it...I want to heal once and for all

[Crystal413]

I really like your response and I agree with it. I'm not there yet either but am working on it.

[Crystal413]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you found something that works for you.

[Paxiled]

Nobody really knows the cause of this stuff.  Scientists are looking hard for the answer, but haven't gotten there yet.  So we don't really know if it's chemical or something else.  My guess is it's different for different people -- for some it's a reaction to a traumatic experience, for others it's probably genetic, for others who knows?  Some forms of therapy care where it came from, and CBT doesn't care at all.  So there you go.  As for your anxiety, it could be the wellbutrin -- it's a very stimulating antidepressant not usually used if anxiety is a problem.  Then again, it might not be.  But it's something to discuss with your psychiatrist.  As to the above, marijuana isn't taking control, it's just another medication.  For most it makes anxiety and depression worse, for some it makes it feel better, but like any other medication it doesn't make it go away.  It just makes it not feel so bad if it works and makes it come out more if it doesn't.  If you were really in control you would learn to change how you think and not need any drug.  Now, I've never gotten there and I don't think it's very easy to do, but if you can get to that point, then you're really back in the driver's seat.  If you can't get there, then I always say, whatever works!

[SweenDog67]

You said that you came so far without meds, why now... Well it seems like 10 years now.. I am 48, depression always came and went and I always beat it.. Pain meds and Xanax after I broke my back were worse than the damn depression.. Yep, at first I LOVED em... Too late, then I needed them. I had to be in the hospital for a few days when I quit them because of the Xanax. About 3 years I'd say I was taking them.. The DEPRESSION afterward was even worse...  So I'm off the Xanax and hard pain meds, and they put me on Wellbutrin. About 3-4 months in I noticed I was a ZOMBI... Why was I treating depression? How about, why amd I depressed... I got off the Wellbutrin but guess what? I was physically addicted but the NEW NAME FOR WITHDRAWL was SUDDEN STOPPAGE SYNDROME.... Now I was more mad than anything... It was a hard winter but again I beat the DEPRESSION. So bad I don't think I went out until mid March..... Meanwhile I have to be a husband and FATHER...and Dog daddy... By summer I was my ol PRETEND self and was at a live music concert. Besides fishing, music was my favorite medicine.... All winter I spent studying depression.... The cause for me? My perception of the world was that it is BROKEN and it needs to be FIXED.  Guess what?  I was RIGHT... This is when the fog began to lift... lady, I was like you... I passed out in the isle of the super market one day.. I still don't shop.. lol, I digress... So now it is summer and I'm half faking, etc... At the concert I see a NORMAL tent.. The people who pretend that marijuana fixes pain and ****.... I smoked grass all through HS... It would certainly make depression 10 times worse... I go to the tent and I begin a dialogue with these people.. I so wanted to prove them wrong, catch them lying... I knew pain, depression, anxiety that could pop an eye etc... All the things they can treat or even CURE they tell me.. I went toward a young man but a lady intercepted me.. She knew... I listened but walked away uncertain but curious.. Then the young man came from behind and gave me a bud and a few rolling papers and ran away.... I was going to be listening to a 3 hour concert... I was feelin good, I DO NOT DRINK... and my buddy that is a teacher and way beyond HS years BEGGED me to roll it up.... Yep, I did... This was NOT the pot I smoked in HS... It was nice and calming... Soon I was listening to music and DANCING. Pain prevented me from dancing for YEARS!!!! The next day I awoke PAIN FREE... The first time in YEARS.... I told my wife... We were still unsure.... Later in the day I went to visit my mom and still very lil pain.. almost 24 hours B4 pain returned.... In about another 4 months I had secured myself a safe source for medical grade marijuana. I do not like smoking marijuana every day and found night time is most acceptable for me..... I will smoke recreationally on rare occasions and only with friends... I did not notice that marijuana was also helping me with anxiety and depression... I just noticed how much better I seemed.... I ended up mixing marijuana with my meditations and things really began to get weird... I found me! I found a truly happy me... NO DRUGS at ALL... Depression? yep sure who isn't... I accept it and slowly change me.. I garden, I'm going out more and more... Winter is right around the coroner and I'm kinda okay with that... I can read and sty focused or listen to audio books. Sounds normal to some people but stuff like that is hard... ME going to council meetings?! Suggesting a community garden?? I HATE PEOPLE (TERRIFIED)  But not now, not like it used to be... CERTAINLY, I will NEVER take another SERATONIN Inhibitor. I STRONGLY ADVISE if you can, and I KNOW you CAN.... Get off them..... Marijuana is NOT for everyone but when I saw how much more understanding I became with my children!!! That was good enough... No more sideways anger toward my wife.... She will tell you, it changed my life and saved my marriage..... My pain is a horrific problem. But if I am calm and patient enough my brain adjusts and I move on... The anxiety tolerable, the depression beat by gratitude and the fact that I may help YOU and if not you it will be someone soon... get in tune with the frequency of YOUR MIND. Take control and do not let others DRIVE. You are you and YOU are allowed to be you is what I tell myself every day...  So free.......