worried, lost, and confused

[StrangerDanger]

Well my story is long as I've had signs of depression for the last few months and never really realized it. The short end of it is, everything's come to a head the last month. I have moderate gastritis and it became severely worse, I've been getting nagging headaches when I rarely got them before. My mood shifts are fairly drastic and I'm a little worried about my outlets. I'm disinterested in my usual activities and i haven't been going to school. Instead, when i get in a mood (I feel that I must do something, anything) I have cut myself, I smoked weed, and now I've compulsively pierced my own ear (these things are not usual for me at all). It's like I feel my chest will burst if I don't do something drastic. I have had thoughts of suicide, and the strangest things will make me cry for hours. My mom has called therapists and I've seen two, but the process is taking so long and I am dreadfully impatient and irritated constantly. I will have these huge blowups if a person pushes me just a little too far (my mom, dad,  my boyfriend) and I cry and scream and have what I think are similar to panic attacks. I don't have many friends as I really don't care for anyone I know who's my age. I dread school; I feel unsafe, paranoid, anxious, and angry there. The year is almost over but I don't know if I can go back, I really need some help, I know this, and I know I'm not as bad as some, because I'm not always sad. I'm worried because my outlets are slowly getting more drastic, I know I'm fine now, but the slightest thing could make me want to kill myself. I feel extremely judged and paranoid. I feel that my hearing and sight has been affected, though I can't quite explain it. I just want some ideas of what it is exactly I'm dealing with here, what are some healthier outlets, what I can do when I feel this way, what should I be mentioning to therapists.

[Nat_16]

I've suffered depression since around the age of 16 (im now 19 - 20 later this year).  I agree with the first post, you should definately mention all of that to your doctor.  They wont judge you they will help.  
Also, exercise can be great, even if it is just a quick paced walk around the block.  Just get out and excercise, do whatever you enjoy.  Try to eat healthy and try to find a hobby you enjoy that makes you happy - dancing, craft, music whatever you enjoy doing.  Keeping yourself occupied with hobbies you really enjoy could help.  
Keep us updated on how you are going.  :)

[StrangerDanger]

I would say that that sounds like depression. You may consider going to therapy as well as taking medication because i was told by my psychiatrist that it is always more effective to have both medication and therapy as opposed to just one or the other. I myself am on lexapro and going to therapy and have been feeling better lately. Not really sad, but not really happy either.

[shaz853]

I am glad i could help a bit and i am glad you are talking to your mom,having someone to talk to really helps. Good luck and i hope you get the help you need.

[StrangerDanger]

thank you so much for responding. i don't feel so alone now. I am also extremely irritable at the smallest things and its hard to control, so i understand. I have been talking to my mom a lot and thats really helped. thanks again.

[shaz853]

I would say mention all of this to your therapist or your doctor. I can understand how you feel as i feel similar i suffer from depression, panic attacks, anxiety, suicidal thoughts even
attempted it twice, i get angry at the smallest things i am agressive and angry most of the time and i never know what to do with myself, like you i can be fine for a while or so i think and then someone says something to me and i want to kill myself although i am trying hard to fight these feelings and thoughts. You really need to talk to someone about this. Try to talk to someone who can help you when you get like that and even exercise can help and a healthy diet. But definetly go to your doctor and tell them everything you feel that way they can help you understand whats happening.