any views would be appreciated

[doublea242]

hello my name is aaron, im a twenty year old college student and have struggled with depression my whole life basically.  in the past i have been on and off of anti depressants and it has overall made me very upset, its made me feel inferior that i need a pill to keep my sanity, andi was horribly ashamed when my friends found out i was on them.  recently i quit taking them...my life is spiraling downwarddue to it ...im sorry this isnt a sympathy cry but i want to know if any of you reading this believe taking an antidepressant, or being in a medicated state of mind is somehow detracting one from their otherwise true line of thinking, like if taking a pill compromises how i would think otherwise...im all about free will and that stuff but this just knda worries me and i refuse to take it as of now, but im looking for a good enough argment that depression is biologically based and an antidepressant would simply fix the imbalance...and not subject me to some sort of alternate way of thinking or losing my identity...or worse a form of government mind control!! haah just kidding but any opnions or facts would be appreciated

[untiltheworms]

I'm a 26 year old female, ten years ago I was on anti depressants...now I decided I need to try again. I was first on Zoloft, that didn't work for me so I am now trying 40mg a day of Paxil.

There is nothing to be ashamed of for being on ANY meds...think about like this, if you got a cold, do you take something to make yourself feel better? YES.

Hope everything works out. Please try to stick with your meds. Feel free to ask any questions.

[LeftCoastChick]

Yeps I agree with Hensley, I do make jokes at times, just to lighten things up, I told a friend I may be sick, but I ain't wacked in the head! Some may get offended by it, but it helps. I've lost friends, but the ones that have gone, ciao!  You obviously have an appreciation for life, and smart to boot. You'll do the right thing. Logic works for many of us, me included. Once you realize the right path, you'll stick with it.

Keep in touch!

[doublea242]

hensley258, thank you for the advice its much appreciated and im glad you see a lighter side to the disorder, i never really saw it in that light but youre right, as poking fun at anything really does take its power away and that is something very valuble to hear since this disorder has had power over me for so long, im glad you and your friends can see it that way...once i get on some ad's maybe ill be pokin some fun at it as well, but as of the present i havent much felt like laughing or pokin fun at anything lately, except myself for how pathetic ive been living. i realize, at the ripe old age of 20, that life is a gift to be savoured and celebrated everyday, and this condition has stifled that way of thinking for me for a long time and its time for change, again thank you lcc, and hensley, youre great people with great advice and i thank you truly, from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to address this, "we" have  walked miles in the same pair of shoes and i appreciate your enlightening views
take care
aaron

[Hensley258]

First I must say that "LeftCoastChick" hit the nail on the head. She has given you wise information about antidepressants and their effects.

For some people that honestly do not have Major Depressive or anxiety dissorder, then antidepressants are not a good idea. For these people taking antidepressant drugs can result in bad reactions.

I will give you a bit of advice about this "friends thinking your weird" because you need an antidepressant. SCREW THEM!

True friends do not judge you or demoralize you because of any illness, even if they do not understand it.

I was your age when I was diagnosed with Major depression and I had to take medication (still do and I'm 39 now) of the 8 close friends I had that found out I had a mental illness, you now how many remained my true friends? 4 of them!

This is when you find out who your real friends are. My 4 remaining best friends don't care that I have depression and must take drugs for me to feel normal. They even visited me in the hospital (yes, mental hospital) when I was at my worst.

You know what they said? "hey dude so when are you getting out of the Bam Bam ward so we can party?" LOL! They make fun of my condition and I also make fun of it in a sick way. I have to because it takes it's power away. My true friends are sarcastic and funny and they don't give a damn about my illness, they just try to make me laugh and poke fun at my illness to destroy it's power.

That's when you find out who your true friends are.

[doublea242]

one day at a time is key...thanks again and ill keep you posted..also what do you mean when you said,and this is only from my personal experience, I suddenly started doing things again, without much thought....jw becaus eit may very well apply to me also

[LeftCoastChick]

Fantastic!! Make sure you aren't impatient, it may take a bit to get to the right levels, and you may have to take more then one med. Once you are levelled, and this is only from my personal experience, I suddenly started doing things again, without much thought. Don't be too hard on yourself, and take it one day at a time.  :)

[doublea242]

lcc... thank you for your thoughtful reply, and your right since ive had many dpersession relapses this should lead me to believe it is biochemical in nature but ive always had a tendency to think very deeply about things and observe every possible avenue that a decision migh tlead to..and recently my consensus has been that taking ads will alter "my" line of thinking, im very stubborn but i know when enough is enough and i think i should take proactive measures to ensure a happy productive life. i took zoloft for a while but it only helped a little, i would have good days and bad days but even on the good days there was still a cloud hanging over me, so i think im gonna just swallow my pride and get back on them...its effecting me in so many ways, i used to be a gym rat, it was my lifeline, with severe depression, weightlifting isnt all that fun anymore so i quit that, which is like michael jordan quiting basketball in his prime, i loved it soo much.  i just started a new semester at college and can already see how, if left unchecked, my depression will severely interfere with my grades, and of ocurse it effects my dating life, ive lost all forms of self confidence and find myself unattractive even though im told otherwise....and my friends didnt do anything besides acknowledge the fact that they know, and it just made me feel nferior, and weak.  so i will in get  back on an ad, and i expect things to get better, anything is better than this and i do not want to self destruct, its came to mind before and its simply cannot and will not be an option..thank you again, and ill let you know what progress i make
aaron

[LeftCoastChick]

There are many forms of depression out there, but in your case if you relapse more then once from stopping meds,  it's the usual consensus that it is bio-chemical in nature.There is nothing wrong with re-balancing your chemistry.  I take a med that balances my brain chemistry and I've felt more clarity the I have in years. Sometimes it takes a few tries at different meds to get the right one. Did your friends say or do anything negative or was it your own feelings of shame that caused you to stop?

Being on AD's will not change your general thought patterns, that's why it's important to have talk therapy alongside medication. Pills aren't miracle cures, but can make you more focused on finding coping mechanisms. Your negativity turns into more negativity.  I'm bipolar, and I have two different types of depression(Major Depression and BP Depression)  taking my meds have allowed me the ability to enjoy life that I lost for 15 yrs. I stopped enjoying most things, it impacted my work and I know I had bad grades as a direct result of depression.

I'm a very logical person, and was terrified of becoming a pill zombie, it's been the exact opposite. I also don't expect a miracle cure, I go to a depression support group where I can vent and learn coping mechanisms and learning to stop the shame.

I do hope you see your doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist, brains are such complex organs.

Keep in touch,
LCC