miserable itchy bumps

In April my husband and I had sex and shortly after I developed red bumps in the crease of my thigh and on my butt.  I showed my husband and he said he had been having jock itch and showed me.  It was the same areas on reverse side and I checked online and found that it can be spread by skin to skin contact.  Well, I got some cream and it helped but everytime we have sex it comes back and is now on both sides and across the part of my vagina that would be covered with hair.  It itches so bad that I feel like I could just claw my skin off!  I've tried putting sanitizer on it, gold bond powder and, of course antibiotic cream.  I am diligent about washing my hands, showering and keeping clean clothes on.  My husband however, not so much.  I've seen him scratching his belly (he has it there and I have a couple bumps there too) with his hand and not bothering to wash his hands.  He scratches and then rubs his face, head..whatever.  I say something to him and he gets mad so that's out of my control.  I've told him that I will not have sex with him anymore until he goes to a doctor.  I want to see a doctor but I'm so embarrassed.  I don't have a clue what this is but it is so miserable.  I've looked at pictures and it looks like folliculitis, jock itch, herpes..all look so similar.  I don't have any on the inner part of my vagina so I don't think it would be herpes.  The bumps are tiny, red and sometimes have what looks like a "whitehead".  They are sometimes on a hair follicule but others aren't.  What can I do?

[Bhupinder Kaur, MD]

Hello,
If the bumps are itchy and your husband is having them on penis as well as his hands then the possibility of scabies is important to be ruled out. It is an infestation of the skin with the Sarcoptes scabiei mite. It is characterized by intense itching, usually at night and by small insect-type bites lesions on the skin. Diagnosis of scabies is made by scraping the skin and viewing the material under a microscope to see the characteristic mite or eggs.

It is very difficult to precisely confirm a diagnosis without examination and investigations and the answer is based on the medical information provided. For exact diagnosis, you are requested to consult your doctor. I sincerely hope that helps. Take care and please do keep me posted on how you are doing.

[angryembarrassedwife]

Thank you so much for your response, Dr. Kaur.  My husband never had any of the bumps on his penis or on his hands.  For him, they were all around the crease in his upper thigh/hip, his belly and his butt.  Where our skin contacted, I also had them.  They went away and returned but are now gone, for the most part.