penile head feeling irritated

[Ron37]

I know this may sound like an STD question, but please bear with me since my gut feeling is that it's something else. I'm a gay man, in a monagamous relationship for 12 yrs. Early in Apr,07 my partner performed oral sex on someone else and got some of the ejaculate in his mouth. 3-4 weeks after that he got one very tiny (smaller than a pin head) blister on the inside of his mouth, which was very sensitive. The blister eventually broke and produced a very small ulcer which healed in a few days. About a week later the exact same thing happened on the opposite side of his mouth. During this time period he performed oral sex on me. Now I have a very definite sensitivity on the head of my penis which started about six weeks ago,then dissapated a bit after a few weeks,then returned pretty much continually since then. No burning, but it feels abraded. I have no rash, see no bumps or can identify anything abnormal looking at my penis. When I am erect, several reddened areas about the size of this O, near the urethra show up. They disappear when I lose my erection. Last week my partner had bloodtests which ruled out HIV, HSV-2. We both have HSV-1. He has chronic jock itch (which I don't) which extends into his rectal area. We do have anal sex (where I penetrate).I have tried to identify/eliminate possible irritants (i.e. clothing, soaps, etc) without any improvement. My sx seem to get a bit worse after having sex.My questions are:what is the likely hood that this is another STD or herpes? Is there a chance that his blisters were herpes type 2 and he still has a neg blood test?Can jock itch cause these symptoms?Could this be some kind of other infectious situation?
Any recommendations or suggestions would be most appreciated.

[Ron37]

thanks for the advice. Maybe a bit more info on this can change your advice. I did not know about my partner's indiscretion until four weeks AFTER my symptoms started. That's when he revealed the whole story to me. I didn't know about his oral blisters or anything. To be honest, I did start looking for things after he revealed to me his activity, since I had the symptoms for quite sometime. But since his HSV test, I really didn't think it was an STD but I wanted the reassurance of course. But I still continue to have the symptoms which seem to get worse for a few days then better, never quite disappearing totally. Could this be any kind of fungal infection (non-STD)?  Could this be some early symptoms of any skin condition? Other than the red spots I mentioned, I don't see any skin changes where my sensitivity is. In fact touching it doesnt provoke the symptom. During sex it feels fine.
Can simple (non infected) skin irritation last this long? Anything I should try to make it feel better?Any other input you may have will be helpful.

[Alan Rockoff, MD]

I don't think this is any sort of STD, herpes or otherwise.  I think your symptoms have been brought on by the anxiety that your partner's oral sex with someone else transmitted something to him and then to you, neither of which seems at all likely.  The small bumps you notice are almost certainly minor anatomical variants that belong there but that you haven't looked at closely before.  I recommend that you forget the whole thing and move on.

Best.

Dr. Rockoff